The Hibernation

                                         Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

Well folks it's official, I'm in total hibernation mode. No use in denying it. I could sit around and do absolutely nothing and be happy doing that. As much as I loved being busy and active, quite the opposite has been occurring now. Although, not by my own choice.

There have been so many changes these past couple of years that I feel as if our lives have been stagnant waiting for something, just not sure what that may be. We've been walking on a treadmill not really going anywhere, not making any headway or falling back. No matter how hard we try, pushing and shoving, there is no real progress.

 

I'm becoming more and more tired of the plainness, the sameness and the ordinariness of our everyday life. I'm ready for a change, but what is that change to be?

 

That's the huge question, isn't it? What's next in life. We all ponder it,  go into a depression over it, and for some of us, it can become a major obstacle to overcome. We become strangers to ourselves.

 

 This treatment has placed me in a very contemplative mood where I revisit and rethink many of my decisions and especially plans for the future. It seems this journey has come to a place where I want to explore the question "what else?"

 

As usual, it can be painful when we begin to shed our old selves. Are we really ready to face the new person that emerges from that shell? One can only try. I know that I've acquired a  certain boldness as my cancer transformation occurred eight years ago. I'm definitely not as afraid as I was of living life. In fact, I feel more of an urgency to live out my dreams and personal wish list.  

I guess there is only thing to say and do. Who's game for the next step of our journey? All abroad!

Have a blessed day everyone.

Throwback Thursday

T

                                   5Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.


EveryEvery year at this time, I always take the majority of my vacation. A week of Thanksgiving and the two last weeks in December. This has been going on for years, except this year I had to give up Thanksgiving and a few days in December (team player stuff).

There is nothing more relaxing than to be off for at least a week at a time. I would choose projects to work on that required quite a bit of my time like writing or a difficult crochet project. Last year, I actually wrote the majority of my first e-book during this Holiday.

One tradition we have kept is eating tofu turkey on Thanksgiving with wild rice stuffing. Love it! Emily's adoptive family has moved to Puerto Rico and their Holiday dinners have ceased. My Godson added a baby sister Alexa to Lachlan.

So much has changed since 2012, but some things do stay the same. . . .the things that matter the most.
EEEEE5555

If I had to rate this Holiday , I'd say it has been one of the very best times ever . The best part is that we didn't do anything grand  just enjoyed each other's company .

Since the children weren't coming until the 28th, Emily and I chose to spend Christmas Eve just the two of us eating to-furkey ! Looking for the tofu turkey was an adventure in itself. This search has been over a year in the making until I finally wised up and asked people on facebook. Bingo! It was found. I have to say it was pretty darn good with wild rice stuffing. I would definitely eat it again.

After our big dinner, we sat down to watch re-runs of shows on the food network. With only the christmas lights in the window  flickering softly, we sat around in our pajamas enjoying each other's company. What an absolutely relaxing time!

The next day, I headed out to my mom's house to spend the day with her while Emily headed out to her second, adopted family for dinner. My mom  chatted to her heart's content about everything that has happened in the last couple of weeks! I sat there on the couch crocheting slipper after slipper while the hours just flew by without us even knowing it. What a great day that was! Emily equally had a great time if the video I saw was anything to go on. They just told jokes and laughed through the whole evening.

I guess the vacay was great not because of anything spectacular we did, but because of the company we enjoyed. Isn't that what holidays are all about? Last night, we had another addition to our growing family. My godson and his wife welcomed their first child, a baby boy Lachlan. God Bless!

Tonight, my littles are coming for an overnight visit so we can have our own belated Christmas. Nothing else could be more perfect.
Have a Blessed Week everyone.

A Dinosaur In A Modern World

                                          Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

We all have experienced seasons of all types in our life. We have our good days and we have our bad days. It seems this week it has been more of the latter for me.

 

Last night in particular, brought to mind a time when I was travelling to Springfield via Amtrak. On our first stop, an older lady got on and made her way to the empty seat beside me.

 

She sat down. We said hello. She's visiting her son's family just as I. I like your shoes. Thank you very much. We chatted about the scenery and the weather. Where do you work? I've recently retired.

 

What? I'm a little shocked, because she isn't that much older than I. I ask her why.

 

You see, I worked in a bank handling large corporate clients. Then these young bucks straight from college came in with these new ideas and better ways to be more efficient. Suddenly, I found myself struggling to keep up in their world. I've worked there all of my life and I felt useless. I was afraid of losing my job. I thought that perhaps it was better if I retired and let those young bucks take over  since they felt they could do so much better than all of my experience.

 

You know, I thought about this woman yesterday and I understood completely how she felt. All of my upper management are in their twenties, the same age as my children. I listen to all their ideas and I feel like a dinosaur in a modern world. I don't have their energy. I don't have their technical know how.

 

Aging is sooooo difficult. This week I'm really feeling it. My legs feel like cement blocks every time I move them. I feel every ache with every movement my body makes. For the first time, I'm beginning to consider my options. I'm tired.

Have a blessed week everyone.

A Messy Avenue

                                         Everyday is a brand  new day, everyday is a journey.

 

There has been quite a mess out here on the avenue, bulldozer style. Every morning I awaken to the sounds of digging and drilling and clanging of the replacement of the sewer pipes. The massive machinery billowing great waves of dust that hangs in the atmosphere just below our windows. Thank goodness it is Fall and our windows are closed.

 

The streets are blocked and alleyways have become the new roadway as car after car searches for a way out amidst the construction chaos. Who ever thought there would be a traffic jam in an alley? Yet, it is all true and happening now on the avenue.

 

The atmosphere inside isn't any better. A shortage of parking due to this construction, and a  violation from the city inspector  over our dumping of garbage incorrectly has definitely set not only the residence on edge, but the landlord as well.

 

Yes, life on the avenue isn't quite the enjoyable picnic it has been at one point. Nevertheless, I still like all of them. I truly enjoy the people that are living here now. . . my neighbors.

 

Emily and I were just reflecting on how all the years we have lived here, they all have been spent under construction of one kind or another. If it isn't the street , then a remodel of an apartment in the building or the house across the street. Always hammering, drilling, pounding. It just never ends.

We definitely cannot wait for all of this chaos to end. It won't be long before the arrival of snow and all the construction work in our little Village doesn't look near completion. I'm worried about parking since I am coming home at night where everyone else is already settled for the night. Slim pickings, folks, slim pickings. Many a night I had to drive around in circles looking for a spot.

Here's hoping that Thanksgiving will bring some sort of end to this mess.

Have a Blessed day everyone.

Commonly Asked Questions

                                          Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

The minute people find out that I have cancer, question after question follows as a deep desire is found to know more about the newest health threat. Cancer is everywhere. We all know someone who either has it, had it or is awaiting results. The number one question that is asked of me?

HOW did you know?
I actually felt my tumor, all seven pounds of it. The only problem was that I didn't even think it was cancer. I just knew that something wasn't right, maybe a bacterial infection of sorts, but as soon as Emily graduated I would go in for an examination. I didn't have time before that to go in.

Didn't you have regular pap smears?
Believe it or not, pap smears don't show ovarian cancer, only a scan or a blood test CA125. Ovarian cancer is called the silent killer, because it is difficult to diagnosis in it's early stages. A pap smear is good for cervical/uterine cancer or any other irregularities that women may experience. We are a complicated gender.

What were some of the symptoms you were feeling?
I wish I could tell you that my symptoms were red flags announcing I have cancer, but that's not what happened. I was extremely tired, lost weight and had problems with constant constipation. Who hasn't experienced all three at one time or another? The most obvious was my outward appearance. Unbeknownst to me, I looked sickly and several people mentioned at work their concern for me.

Let me honestly tell you that nowadays I am so aware of my body's aches and pains. If I'm tired, I take a nap. If something hurts, I tell my doctor everything. I get a flu shot every year, wipe down my desk everyday and make sure I eat healthy. I make a point to help my doctor's in the preventive care of my well being. It's all about preventive care. Make those appointments and stick to them.

Have a Blessed day everyone.

Throwback Thursday

                                         Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a new journey.


It seems there is a pattern to my treatments. I become very tired and lack energy. Whoa, wait a minute, isn't that expected? Of course! The problem is with me. It makes no difference how bad my treatment may be, I still think I can maintain an active lifestyle. I continue to fill my plate until it's overflowing, believing I can do it all.

Not anymore. This time around, I'm taking it slow. Astonishingly, I'm not feeling guilty about not being productive. I am learning to relax and listen to my body.

O Wallow , Wallow

  I have to apologize for neglecting everyone...this blog ....my duties at home...my church . I have been wallowing in self-pity .  Have been laying in bed for three days ....sick .  This last chemo  took a lot more out of me than I can handle . I have one more to go in a month and I'm dreading it . This whole month has been dreadful for me . Something is going on inside of me . I'm sicker than usual : could feel despair setting in . Could it be because the end of chemo is near ?
  Reading one of my daily devotionals , I came across Joyce Meyer's , "The Importance Of
 Finishing". Here she says," there are a lot of people who step out and begin a  journey with God, but I don't think there are nearly as many who finish it".
  How will I finish my walk with God  in this journey? What is in store for me next? All I have been hearing is how I am almost done .....but there you all are wrong. This is not the end  but a beginning. It doesn't end with this last chemo. I don't get proclaimed brand new and go back to my old life. What should I do ? Where should I be ? I feel so out of place ...out of sorts . I can't even imagine going back to the old me .
 Do I continue on with this blog ? Does it end with my last treatment ? I don't know what to do .I feel like a dog that keeps going round in circles on his bed  until he finds that perfect spot and finally lays down . Where is my perfect spot ?

Have a blessed day everyone.

Before The Sun Comes Up

                                                Everyday is a brand new day, everyday

                                                 is a journey.

 

 

And who will walk a mile with me

Along life's weary way?

A friend whose heart has eyes to see

The stars shine out o'er the darkening lea,

And the quiet rest at the end of the day--

A friend who knows and dares to say,

The brave sweet words that cheer the way

Where he walks a mile with me.

--Henry van Dyke.

I sat on the marble bench inside the hospital awaiting for Radiology to open. It was early. I was very early. It was dark outside when I left my apartment, hardly any cars on the road.

I sat on that marble bench with an elderly woman looking through the ceiling to floor windows as the sun slowly appeared. I watched as the world awakened to a new day. So beautiful. So very beautiful. How I missed seeing all that Glory that each and every new day brings!

I remember many a mornings such as this one. I can remember the snow covered trees and cars as Winter's cold blast came through. I can remember the howling of the wind as it bent the tree branches to it's will. I can remember a storm that thundered and lit up the sky as the Earth was drenched in purifying water. How many times have I see  a beautiful sun appear on the horizon, shining brightly on all the greenery and lush beauty of Summer?

Can you tell how much I miss waking early in the wee morning hours? I sat there on that marble bench with that elderly lady so content and peaceful. I could have sat there all day staring out onto the streets below. Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

Have a Blessed day everyone.