It is not happiness I seek,
Its name I hardly dare to speak;It is not made for man or earth,
And Heaven alone can give it birth.
There is a something sweet and pure,
Through life, through death it may endure;
With steady foot I onward press,
And long to win that Blessedness.
LOUISA J. HALL.
It's been a good month since my oncologist visit and I still am in a bit of a shock. Don't misunderstand me. The results couldn't be better. In fact, they were the best news I have had since being diagnosed 14 years ago. I am fast approaching the longest remission to date. Yes, my remission.
What does one do with that fact? All I have known for over a decade are tests, treatments and more tests and more treatments. This? This is something totally new and I don't know how to process it.
All of a sudden, I have become a survivor. Another bend in the road. Another journey to explore and learn. Perhaps another role to play? Another something.
In a way, I feel naked and vulnerable. This is all I know. It has taken me that long to find out who I was and who I was meant to be. I stare in the mirror and ask what now? Since then, I have built up a blog, a Ministry, a purpose. Does all of this just dissolve, because the cancer is not here?
When I found out that I had cancer, I never asked God the why. I always thought I wasn't worthy to ask Him the why. Fourteen years later and I still feel the same. I know it's very hard for people to understand, but I have made numerous bad decisions in my life. The fact that He gave me a second chance, His Grace was bestowed on me, but I never deserved it. I accepted my condition long ago, so the why never mattered.
I have no idea what my new path will lead to in my life. God must have some sort of plan for me that I yet have to discover. God's Grace has no boundaries, no limits and for that, I am very grateful.
Have a blessed day everyone.
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