Just Another Lazy Day

 

                             Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

One holy Church of God appears

    Through every age and race,
  Unwasted by the lapse of years,
  Unchanged by changing place.
S. LONGFELLOW.

I did absolutely nothing yesterday! Nothing at all! Well, I did go to Church and vacuumed, but that's all. I even took a nap for a couple of hours. Just another lazy day.

These types of days are far and few between. One almost feels guilty for not doing anything. Why? Have we become a people who love hopping around from one activity to the next? It's almost as if we need to be productive to feel accomplished. 

I have a major issue with relaxing or resting. There is some crazy need inside of me that says I need to be moving at all times. I tell myself it has to do with my cancer, because my time here is limited. Honestly though, is that the real truth?

Sometimes, we tell ourselves little white lies, because we feel we have to defend our actions. Why can't we just accept that perhaps we needed the rest? Maybe our bodies are tired from all the running? Of course, there is also the fact that Winter is here and I struggle every year with the blues.  It could be that we are coming down with something. So many factors go into feeling tired and that "lazy" feeling.

Yes, that "lazy" feeling. Perhaps, that has more to do with it than we want to admit. Haven't we all heard while growing up that laziness is a sin? Idle hands and all? How do we justify our lazy days when the laundry needs to be washed and the refrigerator cleaned?

We can't. We spend way too much time trying to be these perfect people that live perfect lives. There will always be something that needs to get done. Our bodies and our families are a different matter altogether. Of course, none of this means we should never do anything. 

My goal for this year is to focus more on being carefree. It's so easy to say, I know. We have become so stressed about all things, even insignificant things that we fail to stop and just sit down. Yes, sit down with your favorite cup of coffee or tea and do nothing. Sleep in once in a while. The work will always be there, but your body will not. Sometimes, we just need a lazy day without guilt.

Have a blessed day everyone. 

Anyway The Wind Blows

 

                               Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

Yet Love will dream, and Faith will trust

    (Since He who knows our need is just),
  That somehow, somewhere, meet we must.
    Alas for him who never sees
    The stars shine through his cypress trees;
  Who hath not learned in hours of faith,
    The truth to flesh and sense unknown,
  That life is ever Lord of Death,
    And Love can never lose its own.
J. G. WHITTIER

Anyway the wind blows, the world still turns. Life moves on regardless of what is going on in our lives. Everywhere one looks there is life and chaos bursting forth in every way possible. It's the way of life.

Here we are in another Holiday, the Christmas Season. Families will show on social media the beautiful table overflowing with all kinds of delicious food. Families will be gathered around the Christmas tree unwrapping the mountain of presents beautifully displayed underneath. Oh, the games that will be played today!

To the outside world looking in, one would think just how idyllic it can be. For many families that is a true reality. Traditions actually hold us together along with love and respect for family. I hope they realize how precious these moments can be and cherish them forever. 

Unfortunately, few families will experience a gathering as the kind mentioned above. Just like the happy scenes, there are also ones filled with sadness, loss and bitterness. People will be spending Christmas apart due to divorce, death, covid distancing, disputes and hospitalization. 

The human heart is very fragile and we hurt. We feel all the emotions that God has equipped us with to express ourselves to others. As much as we deny it, we are made to be with people. I am guilty of expressing the desire for solitude, but I will admit that ache in my heart for people I am missing. It is built within us to love.

On a day such as today, I feel for families who are in pain for whatever reason. Amidst their trial or struggle, the world is still turning and the wind is still blowing in all directions. One can almost feel isolated by that fact as if no one cared enough to stop for a minute. 

I have know God all of my life and I cannot imagine Him not being there alongside of me. What do people do who do not know Him in that way? To whom do they cling to? To whom do they cry out to? To whom do they say, Jesus walk with me? 

Without Him, there is no hope, no consolation, no comfort. Just plain loneliness.

Today, we celebrate the birth of One who will never leave us, especially when we are suffering. He walks with us through every ordeal and I am grateful for it. Thank you loving me. 

Have a blessed day everyone. 

I Need A Nesting Day

 

                                  Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

Oh, empty us of self, the world, and sin,

  And then in all Thy fulness enter in;
  Take full possession, Lord, and let each thought
  Into obedience unto Thee be brought;
  Thine is the power, and Thine the will, that we
  Be wholly sanctified, O Lord, to Thee.
C. E. J.

Did you ever have a day where the universe refused to cooperate? Where you went from store to store and none of them had what you were looking for? Or when you wanted to search online and the internet kept buffering? All day? A day where you ordered in a pizza, but it was delivered elsewhere? Or they didn't accept deliveries at that time?

I think we all experienced days like that where absolutely nothing went according to plan. No matter what we tell ourselves, we feel defeated. I often looked around wondering if I was the only one going through it or were the people I saw feeling the same? Is it just the universe spraying down negativity or just on me?

It seems, I have these type of days when I'm stressed, short on time or want to cram in as much as I can. Perhaps, I unintentionally, place a lot upon my shoulders and it weighs me down. I think we do it to ourselves with all we undertake and never release it elsewhere. Maybe, we just don't know how or where it should go.

A few years ago, I began these nesting days where I shut myself inside my sanctuary, closing the world out. On those days, I wore comfy clothes, ate junk food and I did whatever my heart desired. Usually, that meant crocheting and binge watching my favorite shows. 

Lately, I feel as if these days are few and far between. Why do we do that? It's very obvious that our bodies are in need of a total de-stress whenever possible and yet, we deny ourselves. For what? More stress?

Here we are at the end of 2021 and as always, I'm on a reflective cleansing streak. I ask myself what worked and what didn't in the past year. Perhaps, things that I need to change. One of my goals is to schedule more self- care time for myself, these nesting days for sure. Isn't that a shame that we have to schedule fun times? Oh well, whatever needs to be done, let's just do it. 

Have a blessed day everyone.

 

The Journey Begns

                            Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

 “If you can see your path laid 

out in front of you step by step,

 you know it's not your path. 

Your own path you make with

 every step you take.

 That's why it's your path.” 

― Joseph Campbell

Change happens whether we like it or not. I try to run with it instead of fighting it. This is my life and I am going to make the best of it. I, myself, can almost feel the change coming. A changing of the tide that writers like to talk about in their novels, but it's true. We can see it coming, we just don't want to accept it.

My daughter, Emily, really doesn't like surprises nor changes. I learned that quickly enough when she was a little girl and I gave her a surprise Birthday party. Let's just say she wasn't exactly happy. Or when I wanted to buy her a new bedroom set. She liked things just the way they were, because it felt safe and comfortable.

That's exactly how we feel about major changes in our life, especially when things have been going great. We live in a world that is constantly changing and our homes become our sanctuaries away from that chaos. Sometimes that chaos, that change happens at our own hands. I am not sure which is worse, the world's or our own self inflicted one.

So here we are facing another new change, one that we never planned nor wanted. We have no idea how this will turn out, but we are trusting God to steer us in the right path that we are meant to be on. That's all one can do. As a  Christian, we are taught that moments like these are not always made clear right at the start. Sometimes, we have to go through some things in life before the real purpose of this sudden change is made evident. 

I cannot tell you how many times I have reflected back on my struggles and realized the lesson learned from it. All Glory goes back to God and only Him. There is good in all things that come to pass, especially the bad moments. We just have to trust in Him to lead the way. 

Have a blessed day everyone. 

Know Thyself

 

                                 Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

I walked a mile with pleasure

she chatted all the way

but left me none the wiser

for all she had to say.

I walked a mile with sorrow

and not a word said she

but all the things 

I learned from her 

when sorrow walked with me.

Anon

I wish I knew who wrote that little poem, because it is so very true. We certainly learn plenty when we are in a trial. Not just about survival, but also about ourselves. Sometimes, these things are not very pleasant and it can be difficult to acknowledge them. 

This is the stage where I am at now. The way we perceive ourselves seems to be a bit false. I always thought I was a great listener, but yet, I interrupt everyone. I think I have been lying to myself on that one.  I'm also a horrible whisperer. Too many embarrassing moments to mention. Another thing I have learned is that one can never be too sure of something or someone. Everyone can fall or crumble, because we all are human, not superhuman. 

Refining myself has been a major project that will most likely never end. There is always something we need to change, absorb, learn or improve on. Plus, it can hurt horribly and intentionally as each layer is peeled away. One Pastor said whenever we ask God to help us with something like patience, also ask for mercy, because He will teach you patience. You will go through the fire, but you will also come out of that fire better, stronger.

What is that something that you need to work on at this time? Maybe it has been brewing inside of you for years, but you kept pushing it down. Blaming others? It might be too painful, too shameful to re-open. We are really good at lying to ourselves or even making excuses for things we don't like to do or face. 

There are so many things we need to learn about this world, it's people and our role in it. When we left school, we thought all the studying and learning was over, but we were wrong. It was just the beginning. Show me, Lord, who I am. Show me.

Have a blessed day everyone.

The Enemy Within

 

                        Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

What heart can comprehend Thy name,

Or, searching, find Thee out?
Who art within, a quickening flame,
A presence round about.

Yet though I know Thee but in part,
I ask not, Lord, for more:
Enough for me to know Thou art,
To love Thee and adore.
F. L. HOSMER.

I have battled self doubt, negativity, lack of self worth, shame and fear all of my life. In fact, these are the same things that have held me back in life. I have done a lot with my life, but I could have been so much more if I did not cave into that enemy within. 

We all struggle with these same demons. None of us are exempt from their addictive nature. Trust me when I say they believe in equal opportunity for all. 

We can spend months and years working on ourselves only for that enemy to re-appear in a snap of your fingers erasing all you have accomplished. Just like that. Suddenly, you doubt yourself and others. Suddenly, you feel like a nobody with no one. Suddenly, you believe it will never work out. 

These enemies from within lurk in the shadows just waiting for you to slip up. Just one little fall and they are there reminding you who you were at one time.  Usually, from a time where you were not at your best. The shameful the past memory the more it will be used by the enemy. 

I am grateful for having God in my life. Where would I be without Him? Back in that worthless pit of despair bathing myself with all of the above. He covered me with His love, His grace, His forgiveness and whispered in my ear just how beautiful I am to Him. I am His and He is mine and nothing will ever pluck me from His hand! Nothing!

We have a tendency to live in our pasts, carrying around our shame as a permanent hump on our back. Some of us don't ever want to let go of that past. We cling to it as a life line too scared to let go and trust. Just trust. Have faith. Believe. These are words, but oh so life changing!

Have a blessed day everyone.

Give Yourself Permission

 

                              Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

Without an end or bound

    Thy life lies all outspread in light;
      Our lives feel Thy life all around,
    Making our weakness strong,

 our darkness bright;
  Yet is it neither wilderness nor sea,
  But the calm gladness of a full eternity.
F. W. FABER.

Do you know the worst thing people do after cancer? They try to forget about it. They don't want to think about it or talk about it. They are afraid to even mention that word cancer. It's over so let's forget it ever happened. 

They forget the most important part of healing. They need to process what just happened to them. Giving yourself permission to feel can hurt. It's raw, painful and we just don't want to go there, but it's so necessary for our mental health.

My process happened pretty late with my 4th. bout with cancer. I literally experienced a mental breakdown as I looked on at all of my scars in a full length mirror. Everything was exposed and one could have played connect the dots. My scars are not pretty lines, but jagged and wide. My body went through a lot and it showed. 

Somehow, I led myself to believe that I was done with my healing process. Somehow, I thought I did all that with the other bouts with cancer. Yes, somehow, but it all was a lie.

We pick ourselves up and we continue on with a positive outlook. We may have crying spells that we cannot explain, but as long as we are positive we will survive. We consider ourselves lucky to be alive. That's the lies we tell ourselves. 

Well, I'm here to tell you to give yourself permission to throw a fit. Yell, scream, throw things. Let it all out. We need to process our hurts. We need to acknowledge the pain it has caused and only then can we move on. Don't let anyone tell you that you're not going to make unless you are POSITIVE. I used to hate that word especially whenever people would point out that I shouldn't cry. Well, go ahead and cry. Then pick yourself up and live life.

Have a blessed day everyone.