Whate'er my God ordains is right;
Though I the cup must drinkThat bitter seems to my faint heart,
I will not fear nor shrink.
S. RODIGAST
Not quite sure what was so special that day. Maybe enough time has passed or perhaps it was the sun shining. I could feel the warmth upon my face as the rays streamed through the windshield of my son's car. After a long and cold Winter, it felt really good.
I have been angry, really angry and not at all cooperative in any way. I just didn't see the purpose of it all. Why now? Why at all? The trip we took this morning was to see the specialist in regards to my bone marrow treatment all the way to St. Louis! This was fast becoming way too much work for my liking. Was it even worth it?
Something changed during the morning. Perhaps it was seeing the cancer clinic and all the patients in it waiting to receive their chemo infusion. Memories certainly came flooding in of the many times I sat in their place. Perhaps it was the reprimand from my own children reminding me of my bad behavior of the last couple of weeks.
This is not you, mom.
Isn't it? I believe we all have that person inside us who appears rashly and suddenly from time to time. We are more than capable. Many things came into my mind as the morning quickly turned into afternoon.
The ride back felt different. I didn't feel as angry or upset. I felt resigned to accept what I could not control. Here I was facing the same giants just in a different way. A different cancer. One I know nothing about. No matter how many times my ovarian cancer came back, it felt familiar. The symptoms were the same, the method and even the place. This was different and it scared the heck out of me. We don't like change, no matter how much we claim the opposite.
All the way home, I felt the warmth of the sun upon my face. It's been so cold and dreary, the sun was a welcomed sign of Spring in the near horizon. Pretty soon, it would be there on a regular basis and all this gloominess would be a thing of the past. It was a long Winter . . . yes, but soon it would disappear.
How many times, have we faced trials or obstacles in our life? No one is exempt from them, but they do leave us eventually. As we age, we have less and less desire to fend them off. We are tired and want to be left alone to enjoy the remaining years in peace and quiet.
Yes, it was that ride, that day, that sun, that brought an energy within me to get back up and accept the latest challenge. What a lovely day it turned out to be.
Have a blessed day everyone.
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