Just Being Still

                                Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

 When thou hast thanked thy God

For every blessing sent,
What time will then remain
For murmurs or lament?
R. C. TRENCH

These past several months have been reflective to say the least. My mind has been working on overtime, analyzing, weighing in objectives and assessing situations. I would mull things over repeating the whole process all again several times. Thinking, analyzing, weighing in, assessing. Reflection can be exhausting!

As the New Year began, my desire for stillness, serenity and silence came to the forefront. I long for all three. I know that we as Christians are taught to be in fellowship with one  another. We are taught to share confidences and experiences with each other. We are to encourage, pray for and keep each other grounded in the truth of God's Word. I know all that in my heart, but sometimes, being alone with God is what we need more.

I want the quiet time, away from the world, where I can hear Him whisper inside my heart. There are so many distractions out there that can sway my attention to the over scheduled calendar and appointments. People's attitudes can hurt your soul and weariness can set in. One has a desire to walk away from the chaos and all it represents. I wince upon scrolling on social media.

O, weary heart, where can you rest?

Be still and know I am God.

Be still.

Be.

The world can be such a weary place and we can become heavy ladened with all the cares that exist within it. We can easily lose our truth in who we are in Jesus Christ. There are so many angry, unforgiving and hurtful people out there. It can be overwhelming to show light in a darkened world.

Whenever I find life draining and exhausting, I retreat into the stillness of my sanctuary, my home. I have always felt one's home should be the most peaceful place on Earth. A place where we can be ourselves.

Just like the ravens that fed Elijah in the cave while he rested, I surround myself in the Word of God. The Lord restores, rejuvenates all who seek Him.  He does not fail. He leaves the 99 and goes after that one who needs Him the most at any given time. He will lift us up and carry us when we cannot. He is the Lord, our Savior. He is our Father. He is healer of my soul.

Have a blessed day everyone.

Finding The Right Words

 

                                  Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

Long though my task may be,

Cometh the end.
God't is that helpeth me,
His is the work, and He
New strength will lend.
ANON.

This blog began many years ago. It seems hard to believe that it's been twelve years since that first entry back in 2011. I honestly thought I was dying and needed to leave something behind for my children. My cancer had come back for the second time and I couldn't imagine surviving it again.

Little did I know that God had a plan for me. I'm still here, four-time cancer survivor, still plugging away. 

I wrote almost everyday for years about my experiences with cancer and my emotions. I didn't leave anything out. I went in and out of remission until finally I just stayed there. I have been cancer free now for 7 1/2 years! That, my friends, is a miracle!

For someone who has spent all these years going back and forth to the oncologist every three months, these past three years have been a dream. Three years ago, I received the best check up results of my life. I, no longer needed to go, but once a year. 

It also left me with a loss for words. What do I write about now? I would sit down and stare at a blank screen and no words came. Instead, emptiness and silence. It's as if I couldn't think of being anything other than a cancer patient. Who am I now? What do I have to offer someone on these pages? 

There is a part of me that wants to finish all the loose ends, the unwritten stories, the drafts laying hidden among the dust balls. The need to write about all the things one couldn't say before, the hard things and some messy ones as well. Once that is all done, where do we go from here?

This blog has been my steadfast journal of a journey I never asked for nor wanted. It happened and served a huge purpose not only in my life, but hopefully in yours, too. Writing still hasn't come easy as before. There have been times where no words could be expressed. I went fishing deep, deep inside and came up empty trying to find the right words.

I have no idea what will happen when all the drafts are done. Will it be time to turn off the laptop once for all? Only time will tell.

Have a blessed day everyone.

Living The Best Life

 

                                              Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

In conversation be sincere;

Keep conscience as the noontide clear;
Think how All-seeing God thy ways
And all thy secret thoughts surveys.
THOMAS KEN.

I think we all have the best intentions in mind when we set out into the world. We have dreams and goals that we place upon ourselves. We set off running straight ahead without any idea of what lies in store for us. We feel as if we could conquer all. It doesn't take long to realize that the road ahead is full of many pitfalls.

I smile to myself as I reflect over my life. The Lord has led me down a different road altogether from the one I had in mind. How did I get here? Only the Lord knows, lol.

Oh, many of the paths I have taken were because of a bad turn on my part. The Lord turned each wrong decision and made it good. He does that, you know, because living our best life is that important to Him.

I don't regret my life. I wouldn't be who I am if I didn't experience the things I have. I may be not proud of some of the choices I have made, but they were definitely learning curves. They also made me aware of the importance of speaking out against entanglement in these situations. We need to be teaching the younger generations about these pitfalls they need to avoid. There are dangers out there that have long lasting consequences. 

What amazes me the most is how God steered me in the direction He wanted me to go. I ask again, how did I get here? I know I never even thought about the things I am involved with let alone planned any of it. Yet, the Lord knew me better and He knew my strengths. He knew where to place me and when.

We all look back at our lives and reflect on the successes and the failures. Do I want to go back? No, that part is over and I have no desire to revisit the past. I'm just grateful to have made it through the trial. I am also grateful to know a God who loves me and knows me better than I know myself. The plans He has for me outweigh anything I ever could have done myself. It's only because of Him that I am living my best life now.

Have a blessed day everyone.

The Beauty of Winter

                                      Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

 Be patient, suffering soul! I hear thy cry.

The trial fires may glow, but I am nigh.
I see the silver, and I will refine
Until My image shall upon it shine.
Fear not, for I am near, thy help to be;
Greater than all thy pain, My love for thee.
H. W. C

It caught me by surprise. Snow just doesn't visit here in Central Illinois as much as the rest of the World. When we lived in Chicago, snow was a common Winter decoration and we certainly had tons of experience driving in it! Living here, Winters have been more cloudy and rainy over the past couple of years. Have we become spoiled? Oh yes!

Winter is a very bittersweet time for me. On one hand, I fight the winter blues every January. My body yearns for hibernation, the couch calls out a nap every time I pass it by and my mood turns negative. I am tired, lethargic and have no desire to do anything. Yes, January is not my favorite month of the year.

Yet, there is that other thing. . . . . the beauty. 

There is something so serene, so comforting to looking out your living room window and seeing the stillness of a wintery scene. Everything looks so pristine and heavy laden with snow. Nature is truly beautiful. God's country. God himself reflected here. 

Yes, it's freezing out there. Yes, we just drove in that mess. Yes, we had to shovel and take care of errands and chores. But . . . . when all is said and done, we come inside and breathe a sigh. We have warmth, perhaps even a fire, family, comfort food. We are good. We are safe. We are snug. We are comfortable and cozy.

Have a blessed day everyone.

Day 5 of Simplifying

                                   Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

When the powers of hell prevail

O'er our weakness and unfitness,
Could we lift the fleshly veil,
Could we for a moment witness
Those unnumbered hosts that stand
Calm and bright on either hand;

Oh, what joyful hope would cheer,
Oh, what faith serene would guide us!
Great may be the danger near,
Greater are the friends beside us.
ANO

Day 5 Of Simplifying  

Friendship   

I grew up surrounded by people. My parents loved to entertain and often spent their free time engaging in the social life. Every weekend, there was "somewhere" to go. Many times, that involved multiple events in one day. There were Weddings, Communions, Retirements, House Warming and Graduations just to name a few. Their generation loved to  entertain and looked for ways to gather together.

Everything I know about friendships I learned from my parents. You see, I believe in the old adage that we do what we know. How we treat others stems from how we grew up. For me, friendships always meant a multitude of people who were diverse in age and ethnicity. Even though my parents were immigrants from Poland, they embraced the American culture wholeheartedly. In their eyes, we have to learn to live here with fellow Americans, because our life will be here from now on. That meant embracing all cultures and not just staying within our own.
             I'm sure you're very surprised that friendships would even be on the simplification list, but for me, it has been a year of departing friends. I look at my mom, who has held friendships for decades and wonder why that cannot be me. Often, I have searched within myself to see what I may have caused for this to happen. Have I lost friends, because of my behavior?

Friendships are a funny thing. People come into our lives stay awhile and leave through a revolving door only to come back again years later like nothing ever happened. Very few friends actually take up permanent residence and travel on this journey we call life right along with us. Recently, I heard someone say that no one friend can be all things to you. We need a whole group that will fill the gaps in our life. Even Erma Bombeck said that women especially needed a lot of girlfriends. 

I've always had many friends whom all were very dear to and loved by me. Each of them brought something different to the table; one provided laughter, another a shoulder to cry on. A friend who loved to try new things out and another to do hobbies together. It didn't matter what each one of them offered, they all meant the same to me. If you were in my life, I loved you and enjoyed the time we spent. A friend was a friend, period.

This past decade brought a lot of change in the world in more ways than one. Suddenly my friends weren't the same anymore, as they began to prefer labeling our relationship as close friends, acquaintances, work associates or BFF. When did this happen? Why did this happen? I was compartmentalized by my friends without being aware of it.   

Why can't we just remain friends without the revolving door? It dawned on me that even though I had no intention of reducing the size of my address book, I became part of their own simplification list. How do we determine when our friendships have outgrown us? Do they outgrows us? How do we just stop loving?

Baffled, I couldn't really understand. We didn’t have an argument or bad mouth each other for the relationship to end. It was simply time to move on and that's how I became reduced to a mere acquaintance over and over again. To be honest, many friends have come and gone throughout my years, but the amount was small enough to be painless. So far and few in-between that I didn't even notice. . .  then. This year has been different. Grief, trials, illness, shame, falling from grace all are reasons why people will leave you without a word. They judge or cannot cope with your situation or are afraid it may affect them in some way if they keep in contact with you.

It's always been my experience to hang out in groups rather than single units when it came to friends. Perhaps people don't want to maintain a large group of friends as we age, but instead an intimate relationship with only a few. To that end, simplification in relationships might be beneficial, but not to me. Remember, I wasn't brought up like that and it has become difficult to accept the "new" norm. I cannot be everything to one person nor they to me. I like a variety, friends that fit that gap that only they can. People can say there is more intimacy when there is only one bestie, but that's not really true. I have meaningful conversations with all of my friends when the time calls for it. 

Perhaps, everyone has a different need for others. Maybe we opt for small groups or no groups at all, because  we are scared to show our true self to others. Remember, how we grew up shapes how we treat relationships. Jesus said it's not good to be alone, so why would we choose to be with only a select few?

Have a blessed day everyone.

 

Day 4 of Simplifying: Food

 

                                Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

Come, in this accepted hour;

Bring Thy heavenly kingdom in;
Fill us with Thy glorious power,
Rooting out the seeds of sin.
C. WESLEY.

Day 4 Of Simplifying  

Food   

I've had a love affair with food all of my life. I ate whatever I wanted and didn't gain an ounce. I gave birth to four children and had no problem losing the weight. Gaining weight was never an issue and the word diet was absent from my life. Looking at me now, that may be a hard pill to swallow.   

When I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer almost 16 years ago, I knew my life had to undergo a major change whether I was ready for it or not. I gained quite a bit of weight which to this day I still haven't lost. It wasn't until four years into having cancer that I found out it was a reoccurring type and would be coming back until it finally killed me. That realization changed everything. Suddenly eating healthy became more appealing and a necessity. If I could prolong my life by maintaining a well-balanced diet of nutritious eating, then I'm all for it.  At least, my body would be ready, being strong and healthy, in between remissions.

When one thinks of simplification, one hardly considers food as part of it. How does that fit into that category? Well, simplification involves reduction, organization and getting rid of, doesn't it? Looking at food in your life as an elimination of what isn't good for you makes a huge difference to your well-being. What that looks like only pertains to you. We all have different health issues and our diets reflect that. What works for you may not work for me.

Since my daughter is a pescatarian it made sense to join her. The fact that she is also a great cook is another plus. This past year, we have taken it a step further in simplifying our food. We make almost everything from scratch: sauces, breads, pasta, you name it and my girl can make it. By doing so, we have eliminated a lot of the unnecessary preservatives one can find in prepackaged food nowadays. We choose what goes into our food and our bodies. 

The same goes for our beverages. We do not partake in drinking or buying soda of any kind. Although, I have been known to cheat. Instead, we have tea, juice, milk, and plenty of water. Every two days I fill up my 96 oz. of water and take it to work with me. I still enjoy coffee every morning and occasionally a glass of wine on the weekends. We would love to be able to can our own fruits and vegetables along with perhaps a dehydration process in place. That's still a little ways off, but definitely on the agenda.  Food sustainability is the ultimate goal.

The best part of our lifestyle is that our grocery bill has gone down dramatically. We buy in bulk as much as possible, especially the basic ingredients like sugar, flour, seasonings, butter, and eggs. People are surprised that we use sugar and butter at all since they consider that not healthy. The amount of sugar that we add is a lot less than what is in prepackaged goods. As for butter, when it comes to baking, one needs butter, but there is a huge difference between real butter and margarine.   

We now certainly feel much better physically and have more energy by choosing to live this way. Even though I still need to lose some weight, all my blood levels (sugar, cholesterol, blood pressure) are fine. I've had cancer four times already and when in remission I take no medication whatsoever. When in treatment, everyone compliments me on how well I look.

 Now, believe me, we are far from perfection when it comes to food and what we eat. There are still many binges and treats and food overdoses (occasionally), but I do feel that the changes we made had a lot to do with my health results. I'm sure there are plenty of things we still have to learn in regards to eating healthy. Heck, we even make bad choices once in a while, especially when our hormones are raging. We are women! Still, at least we know that we are doing the best we possibly can to prolong this life of ours.   

Have a blessed day everyone.

Day 3 of Simplifying

 

                            Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

O power to do; O baffled will!

O prayer and action! ye are one.
Who may not strive, may yet fulfil
The harder task of standing still,
And good but wished with God is done.
J. G. WHITTIER.

                                      30 Days of Simplification

                                             Lottie Krol

Day 3 Of Simplifying  

Organization  

Organization is my nemesis. I have tried to implement organization into my personal life for what seems like forever, never really succeeding.  

At work I am the absolute organizational genius, often receiving compliments on this fact. Everything has a method and an order to it. I cannot and will not work in chaos. I have a schedule and a meticulous way of doing things. This is what I'm known for at work. So, it totally baffles me why I can't do the same at home. How can I be two separate people leading two completely separate lives?   

I think I might know what is behind this problem. At work we only deal with work related issues. When I place something down, it stays exactly in that place. I am the only one using that workspace with the occasional exception of additional assistance. That's not the case at home. I do not live alone and share space with someone who has different characteristics from me. You can say this sounds a lot like work.  

No, at work we can fire these people. You can't fire your family. You have to accept them and love them regardless of their lack of organizational skills. You can't even document their inadequacies, because they will hold it against you. They will lock it away in their memory vault to pull out when it's totally unnecessary. At work, I have enough tasks to last me eight hours and then I can put it away until the next day. The same rule does not apply in our private lives. The work is endless.   

In this struggle of mine to achieve organization, I have tried many techniques that have sworn guarantees of success:  

• Charts with chores assigned to every day.   
• Usage of organizers such as bins, baskets, and shoe boxes.   
• Creation of lists that lay forgotten on the kitchen table.   
• A pocket organizer to keep track of all tasks.  
• Cleaned out all drawers and closets only to fill them up again within the week with new items.  
• Utilized a desk-sized calendar, do I need to say for what?  

I have attempted, there is no doubt on that, but these things only worked for a short while. I believe the real problem is two-fold going by the names of "space and clutter." I have not enough of one and too much of the other.   

If there isn't enough space for things, then no matter how much we clean and try to simplify by organizing, it will always look cluttered. We simply have to go through our belongings and decide whether we can afford to keep these things or not. I am a terrible hoarder; just terrible! I keep skinny clothes just in case I lose fifty pounds overnight. Until recently, I was still holding onto my VHS collection in case it makes a comeback.   

We also live in a very small apartment where space is limited, but that's also our choice. If we were willing to spend a little bit more, we could get more. So, my inability to become organized is completely my fault. It is a choice that I'm continually making that begins with the famous "I can't." I need to learn to let go of things that no longer fit my lifestyle. Get rid of those skinny clothes that no longer fit these full hips that is now a part of my physiology.  

As for those VHS tapes, I laid them out in the laundry room of our building with a sign that said "FREE " and they sat there collecting dust until I, feeling pity for them, threw them out into the trash.   

To organize, one must first get rid of stuff! Secondly, one must change our habits and the way we do things. It serves no good to de-clutter if we just plan on bringing in new Things to replace the ones we trashed. Come on, you know you do that! There's a bag in your trunk right now. So, what are we going to do about it? Roll up those sleeves, whip out that box of kleenex and start sorting through that excess! 

Have a blessed day everyone.