And bear Thy will;
Courage to venture wholly on the arm
That will not harm;
The wisdom that will never let me stray
Out of my way;
The love, that, now afflicting, knoweth best
When I should rest.
J. M. NEALE.
Personal betrayals are the worst to bear and to endure. Never have I been more hurt, more devastated than when betrayed by someone whom I've loved. I don't understand betrayals of any kind. I grew up watching my parents have lasting friendships with people that are still going on now. My mom has a dear friend she has called her "bestie" for over 40 years. You can imagine how I viewed relationships after watching them. It was only natural for me to think that it would be the same for me.
I cannot keep a girlfriend. I don't know why, but I can have an acquaintance, a co-worker, a sister-in-Christ, anything but a BFF. I cannot keep a girlfriend my own age. She can be older or a lot younger, but never the same age as myself. This has troubled me for years. I have looked in the mirror, trying to see what is wrong with me. Am I lacking in loyalty, faithfulness or even trustworthiness?
The last time it happened, I was devastated that once again I've lost a friend. It was then that I realized that I needed to stop looking at every girl friendships as BFF types. In this day and age, people are categorized into compartments. No longer are all relationships just plain friends. Some are placed into the co-worker compartment, the Church friend, the neighbor compartment and so on.
Another thing I've realized is that women compare each other. We look at another woman and think, she's prettier, she has what I want etc. The "why her" syndrome that Nicki Koziarz wrote about in her book titled Why Her. I'm sorry, but it's true. We don't want to admit it, but we all do it, especially when we are younger.
In remember when my mom and dad divorced. The woman of one of their closest married couple that they hung out with regularly, approached my mom after the divorce. She told her that she cannot invite her over anymore, because now she was a single woman. She saw my mom as a possible threat all because she was no longer married. It's true. I was rarely ever invited out with another married couple. It's not something we want to admit to, but it's true. Women are wary of other women. And it's a shame.
Only once have I encountered a betrayal in a family situation. I think that hurt me more than any other betrayal in my life. There is something about it being a family member who is supposedly there to love you no matter what, right? Blood is thicker than water and all that. Well, let me tell you, it isn't! Even now, I look to that time and wonder how it all went wrong. Someone once said to me that we all have levels of relationships with others. What that relationship means to me may not be what that person thinks of me. Very profound and sadly, very true.
Have a blessed day everyone.
No comments:
Post a Comment