Delusional Monday

I think I slept Sunday away. Never have I felt more tired and restless, no energy levels at all. I gave in to my bodies needs and slept.

It was that kind of day. I woke up, ate something and went back to lounge in bed, eventually taking a nap again. Isn't that what Sundays are typically like?

The problem is that all that laying around produced a mind that went in overdrive. I thought about everything from A to Z in my life. Things way back from my childhood leading to the "now".

I used to be such a realist and somewhere along the way, I began living in the fantasy world of my mind. Did it make it easier to handle my cancer, perhaps? Was I tired of fighting life all by myself? Was I dissatisfied with my own life and looked to escape into the fantasy world?

It doesn't matter the reason, the fact is, I'm in it already. My mind has been wrapped up in this fantasy life of how I think things will turn out that it cannot happen in the real world.

Well, I'm done with it. Done with living in a delusional life where my mind plays tricks on how great everything is or will be. Life is never the way we want it. Oh, sometimes things fall into place the way they should, but those moments are rare.

So plan A is being squashed. Now what? What is plan B? I have no idea. For now, I need to mourn the life I thought would happen. I need to absorb, cry about it and then discard it.

So here I am , Monday morning, facing the week feeling a little heartbroken and realizing that all those dreams were really just delusions. Reality just plain sucks, folks.

Have a blessed day everyone.