Day 10

It's only day 10, yet it feels like I've been doing this forever.
Feeling for the week.

It's Sunday and I feel  a total release from everything old and hurtful. I feel as if I was starting a brand new day completely fresh with a step in the right direction.

We carry around so much hurt and pain that it becomes excess baggage that gets heavier and heavier with time. You can feel the weight of it pushing you downward where eventually we fall to our knees unable to move in any direction.

I felt like that all of last year.

It was one of the worst obstacles I've had to overcome in a very long time. I've lost friendships, my position and even a work schedule. Everything changed whether I was prepared for it or not. The rug was swept under me and I fell hard.

That alone was difficult for me to muster since I have such a strong defensive resolve and that time it just crumbled as if sand. I guess I wasn't as strong as I thought myself to be.

I struggled to get up, falling over and over again, pain and bitterness trying its best to fill my soul. I fought  and fought, miserable each time. When the year closed, it was a deep breath of relief that I exhaled on New Years Eve.

I've made a resolution to stand firmly once again.

With the passing of my two friends, I've been thinking so much about the past, almost with envy that they left hand in hand together. In my mind, I can see them both running towards that beautiful light , hands clasped firmly and giggling as children.

Today during service, as my hands stretched upward, I felt free! I wanted to dance all around like a child, picking up wildflowers! I felt all that pain, bitterness and hurt leave my body.

I was finally free, standing firmly with my hands stretched wide.

Happy Sunday everyone!