Death is not an easy subject to talk about, but if you have a chronic illness, it is something that you've frequently visited upon. I know I have. Back in 2011 when my cancer returned after a long spell in remission, I had to deal with the thought of dying. In fact, I was almost positive I was on the road to it pretty soon.
I was angry, threw many pity parties and even planned my own funeral. I began a blog, because I wanted to leave something of myself behind. I went into remission for a few months and the cancer came back again.
Yet, here I am.
We do not know when our time will come. People who have seen me eight years ago thought I was dying then. I've been living with cancer for so long, it has become my friend in a way. One would think I should be able to handle these emotions regarding death.
Yet, it isn't so.
Believe me, both Lora's and Linda's deaths have come as a total shock to me. I don't think we can ever become used to death, no matter how ill we may be. It is in us to fight until the end.
So I'm more than a little emotional this morning as I prepare for Linda's funeral. Almost afraid, because she was the other half of me. We had cancer together and we went into remission together every single time.
I have seen what cancer can do to someone physically in the last days. I don't want to see the pain and suffering she had to endure. You see, Linda was scared, very scared of dying and I've always prayed that if God needed to take her, it would be quick and peaceful for her.
I want to remember her the way she was . . . Linda smiled with her eyes, beautifully.
Have a Blessed day everyone.
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