Remembering The Day

 " What's that guy's name ? The one dancing over there ? "
 " That's Doug ," I said .
" He looks great and happy ."
" Of course , the first time , you love life and are glad to be alive . The second time , you're like , CRAP ! It happened again ."
     That last part was said by me as I watched the third member of our little cancer group dancing with the bride . That was a conversation I had with my nephew-in-law at a Wedding I went to this weekend .
    I have a feeling I'm going to be very reflective this month . It will be a year since my diagnosis of the return of my cancer . My tests are coming up this month just as last year and I'm a little nervous . Don't want a three-peat performance .
    Trying to imagine my emotions upon the " third time " and I can't . What would it be like ? What would I be feeling ? It's morbid , I know , but I'm human and the feelings are there . It's easy to say , just don't think about it .
   So what has our little group been up to ? Well , Doug looks great . He looks very happy being a husband and father , glad to be alive . You could just see the gratitude , respect and desire he has for life and God . Watching him interact with his three children warms your heart . You could see the love he holds for his family .
    Linda , has gone off with her husband fishing . Not sure if her current treatment is working but she decided to do what her hubby and her love best.....fish . I just smile everytime I think of Linda as an angler . I've never met anyone who held such a twinkle in her eyes as Linda when she smiles .
    Me ? Well , you know , I'm not very happy at work  but otherwise my cancer is asleep for now . I have to say that my summer was wonderful but now that the anniversary is coming up I've become tense .  My knee has been acting up all over again and I've been exercising it to relieve some of the pain .
   Other than that , I find that I miss the " littles " very much . Eversince , our vacation ,  I find myself thinking about  them all the time . I wish we could live closer . My favorite , heart warming  memory is of waking up early , drinking a cup of bad coffee out on the patio , watching the ducks swim in the lake. The " littles " would peek from under their covers waiting for me to sneak onto the patio . Before you could even blink , they were right behind me , ready to face the day with a game of skippo . That is a memory I will hold with me forever .
    I think we are moving on with our lives trying to keep all the memories of the past at bay . It's okay to think about it but not relive it . Have a Blessed Week everyone .