After spending a night of tossing and turning , I finally get up to the early morning cold . It's neither light nor dark outside , but somewhere in between . The cold has entered my muscles and joints and I feel myself creak with every move . I am tired and long to get back under the covers with my heating pad .
Since the temperature drop , my knee has been acting up causing me much pain . The arthritis taking over . Stairs ? I wince just thinking about them . I hate cancer . Cancer has stolen my strength and my body . I want it back .
Getting ready to make that familiar trip to the hospital evokes absolutely no joy . Today , marks the first day of many more to come these next few weeks . My calendar is packed with visits and tests and I'm tired of them . Oh , where is my bed ?
As I go through my second turn with cancer , I find myself thinking of Job alot . I am not righteous as he was , far from it , but I can feel the pain he went through covered with sores and aching . Even now , while in remission , I have become Job . I feel like no one understands . I have cried and I have pleaded for the Lord to heal this leg .
On my facebook or through e-mails , everyone writes encouraging comments of what a warrior I am . A warrior . . . . .. if only you knew . Excuse my french , but this cancer whooped my ass . A warrior , I'm not . It takes every ounce of strength I have to get through my day . I get up , put on a smile and get through it somehow , wincing all the way . I am tired and have no energy . Yesterday , after Sunday School , I slept most of the day away .
" When are you coming over " or " Will we see you at Bible Study" ?
Well , enough pity party . The Breast Imaging is waiting for me . To all the ladies with small bosoms, I really envy you right now .
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