Corner To Corner

There is a blanket pattern that I have learned a while back that no matter how many times I have tried to perfect, it never quite goes the way I planned. I start off doing great, all the stitches looking beautiful and neat. Then I get to  the halfway point and every single time, I end up having to unravel majority of it and redo it. It has become a challenge that I'm determined to overcome.

It is the same in my life. I am constantly struggling with lack of time to perform all my activities and dissatisfaction with my job. That same determination pushes me to go on trying and persevering that one day I will go both  to work joyfully and return joyfully. Plus, all my work would be done.

There was a time where I totally enjoyed going to work. I can remember as a young woman going off to work religiously not missing any days nor having a desire to call in sick. That is not how I feel nowadays. I truly believe it is the place itself, especially since I have been there over 20 years.

Yet, something inside of me keeps me moving one day at a time. That same voice encourages  and hopes that maybe today will be different. Usually it isn't. Just like I do with the corner to corner blanket.

All of us have some sort of struggle whether it is dieting, gossiping or in my case, the work place. We get up, we try, we fall down, we feel bad that we failed and we get back up again. It's a vicious cycle, but one we don't give up on.

I have never been a bold person who ventures out into the unknown  with nothing except Faith. I've watched my fellow co-workers leave in pursuit of their dreams( 3 to date )in awe of their bravery. Another will follow suit in a couple of weeks and begin a new business.

I wish I was more like them.

Have a blessed everyone.

A Still Monday

I tossed and turned all night long unable to find a comfortable niche that would lure me to fall into a deep sleep. Instead, I awakened numerous times, uncomfortable, hot and sore. I should have gotten up and watched some television, but I knew there was nothing good on.

I'm not sure when the rain started, was it around 4am or 5? It doesn't matter, I knew that today would be a long and quiet day. I'm tired and achy. Already my mind has been drifting off to another time and another place.

So much to do and all I can think about is lounging around doing absolutely nothing. I don't want to talk to anyone or be bothered in anyway. I'm seeking solitude today. Ever have a day like that?

 Can we really do that in today's world? Unless we lock ourselves inside our homes, it's hardly possible. We come into contact every single day with other people. People and issues abound.

I already know that almost everyone I'd come into  contact today will wonder and ask what is wrong with me. My simple answer of nothing will not satisfy them.

What's wrong with you?

Why are you mad?

Why are you so crabby?

Come on, smile.

All I want to do is scream leave me alone. Sometimes, we just need a moment to ourselves to regroup our thoughts, to refresh our minds. Is that so very wrong? I don't think so. I think it is mandatory for our mental and spiritual health. We all need some quiet time, a still moment for reflection. Today is that day for me.

Have a Blessed day everyone.

The Single Life

It's difficult to be single nowadays. Trying to stay virtuous or even committed to one person has become a huge mountain to climb for young people today. Everyone seems to be into experimentation and sowing their wild oats before it's too late. Some don't even know who they are on the inside or the outside.

I can honestly tell you that one of the things I regret the most in life is that I didn't spend enough time investing into searching that one mate for me. I chose all the wrong detours and wrong avenues picking the wrong type of men for myself.

My decisions resulted in both of my children growing up without a father in their life during their childhood. I didn't even think about what kind of father they would make. All I wanted was a good looking man with a job. I didn't even consider his faith,  what type of husband he would make or how he treated my parents.

Any young people today who are looking for someone who can fulfill the list above  are considered religious freaks and sheltered beings. They are bombarded with constant refrains of live a little and turn it up as if one needed all that to have a good time.

I remember many mornings after in my hay day and I can't remember them being too much of a good time while feeling nauseated with a hangover. I do remember not receiving that phone call after living it up the night before. I also remember the shame. How is any of this fulfilling and having a great time?

I'm not trying to preach or to judge, I can only speak from experience. I wish I did wait for the right man, even if he did take his time in appearing, but I didn't and here we are today.

Have a Blessed day everyone.

Throwback Thursday

Many times, I have come to my readers for answers or asking for any prayers that may need. As to the blog below, majority of suggestions were ginger, something I have a hard time ingesting.

Metal mouth( where food tastes spoiled or tasteless) and nausea are the most common side effects to chemotherapy. It almost doesn't matter what type of treatment brand one may receive, you can guarantee these two will appear. Combating these two can become an ongoing battle. Water helps, too.

The funny thing is that now when I'm in remission, I think of that time as not really that bad. Although, when I'm in the midst of it, I think otherwise.

Your suggestions and comments are always welcomed, both pleasing or non-pleasing, lol.


Let Me Pick Your Brain

  Let me pick your brain , please . I have been experiencing a lot of side effects to my chemo and I have been handling it okay . Now that I'm right in the middle of my treatment , I have found the duration of the side effects to have lengthen . There are two of them , in particular , that I'm having a little problem with . .......my nausea and the taste of metal in my mouth .
  I am looking to all of you for a suggestion as to how best combat these side effects . Crackers aren't doing it as well any longer . If anyone has any suggestions , I'm very open to try anything at this point .

Two For Breakfast

We all have many kinds of friends. There are the ones that we see almost daily. There are the ones that we socialize at different functions. There are the ones that we see occasionally, a couple of times a year.

Women have been gathering together for centuries, engaging in women fellowship simply because we need one another. We need to share our daily struggles and celebrations with someone who can relate. Who knows our feelings, our struggles and desires better than another woman.

Yet, as women we have a tendency to be in competition with one another. First, as young women seeking a mate. Secondly, as that perfect mother. Thirdly, as a successful woman in the world. It's very rarely that women can get along in a group.

It's a natural desire for us to be the best mom, the best wife and the best friend. We want to feel needed and that we are irreplaceable in our loved one's lives. In doing so, we can become quite competitive, especially if we feel threatened by other women incase they replace us, even if it is all in our mind.

This coming month of July, I have more engagements with my fellow women friends than ever. A breakfast, an after supper coffee, a luncheon, an evening of crocheting and a late night hot tub encounter. Each of these gatherings involves a one on one bonding session. There's also a wedding shower and my ministry meeting, but these are a group effort.

I find that we as women look forward to gatherings such as these. Who better to understand that my shirt maybe a little stained from a two year feeding time or my having a bad hair day. When I order that milkshake, that lady sitting beside me understands the need for treating myself.

So call that girlfriend and invite her over for an evening of watching Downtown Abbey or a home manicure. Make a point of gathering, sharing and experiencing each other's life.

Have a blessed day everyone.

The Early Morning

Photos by Dr. Joey Krol

 

We all have a favorite place or a favorite time when we gather to rest in our perfect solace.

It is a secret place where we dine on the beauty of God's Creation and sip the cup of awe and wonder of His Grace.

The morning has always been my favorite place and time. Even when the children were small, after sending them off to school, I'd sit on the porch sipping my coffee and reading a local newspaper before starting my day.

This morning, while writing at my desk, I can't help but look outside my window. This is my favorite place to be. No matter what Season it is, this picture window of mine displays God's glorious world  and the life living in it.

I cannot help but think of last night when I arrived home from work. It was a particularly difficult day at work with the humidity high inside and no breath of wind anywhere. The packaging floor happens to be a very large room with all sorts of machinery running generating even more heat. It was very hot and stifling!

My left leg, all swollen up, felt like a cement block every time I took a step. All through my leg arthritis sent pain waves shooting up from my thigh to my toes. All this rain, humidity and dampness just too much for me. I could have taken a whole bottle of medication to no avail.

To say I couldn't wait to go home would have been an understatement. All I wanted was relief.

The minute I opened my front door, coolness greeted me and I immediately plopped down on my bed to  a huge Ahhhhh! There is no place like home. I could travel all over the world, but nothing  compares to the comfort and serenity of our little apartment.

What is your favorite time or place? What provides that peace that we all need? I know my sanctuary, my haven, my sanity, do you know yours?

Have a Blessed day.

A Monday Prep

I love getting up early in the morning while the rest of the world is sleeping. The house is quiet and so is my mind. I am not one of those people that can jump up a few minutes before an appointment and rush in at the last second. I need time to prepare myself.

Last week, for some reason, I kept getting up later than usual missing out on that beautiful serenity. I wanted to make sure that it didn't happen this week of all weeks. This should be my prep week.

Just around the corner, one of my favorite relaxing time of the year is fast approaching. Of all the times that I am off, usually for doctor or dentist appointments, this time it's pure fun. This is the one time where friends come over, hot-tub parties happen, BBQ's and    luncheons invitations are sent.

So this week is my prep week. Any errands? Need to get that out of the way now, because the last thing I want to be doing on my time off is chores.

Today is a full day, beginning with a post-op appointment for Emily, then the Post Office, then a visit to my mom's and finally work.

So it's a brand new week, folks. Let's get to it.

Have a Blessed day everyone.

Encouraging Women

I've found my voice in the written word. We're all looking for a place where our gifts can shine. I just happen to have found  mine at a much later date in life.

Since then, I've discovered my spiritual gifting as a way to encourage and empower other women that it's never too late to discover God's calling for us.

As I grow older, I believe my role as a woman is to encourage other women, especially the younger ones. I believe it is our duty to be the understanding encourager rather than the judgmental "grandma" who isn't living in the times.

 Little do they know that it doesn't have anything to do with the times. Women have been dealing with the same struggles,  generation after generation, the only difference being the dress code. We can see the red flags of life almost immediately, because we have been there ourselves.

Instead, younger women have a tendency  to look upon us older ladies as not understanding their situation. We're too old fashioned and things like this never happened in our youth. Yeah, right.

Yet, there are the others who look for the Naomi in all of us. I want to be that Naomi. Sometimes I feel stressed out or way too busy to stop  and be there for the sisters in my life. I feel guilt because of the time restraints and obligations of life. I wish I was more available to them.

There never seems to be enough of time.

Have a Blessed day everyone.

Lean On Me

People seem to confide in me, but that's because I believe I'm a good listener and I'm good at keeping things to myself. I didn't always know that I had this trait within me. Or maybe I didn't acquire it until now.

I find that people are looking for someone to hear them out without any judgment. Majority of people don't need advice or if they do and things don't work out, you're the one who gets the blame.

No, it's better to just listen.

Since I've always been the listener, it's difficult for me to speak out loud of my emotions. I tend to carry it all inside. As unbelievable as this may sound, even here on the written page I don't confess all.

Alas, there are always people who are suffering. Each one of us has a go at a trial or storm of our own. Where do we go for comfort? Well, to the one who will offer an understanding shoulder to cry on.

Recently, I've come across a list of how we can offer that comfort to someone in need of it. I'd like to share it with you. Of course, it's Dr. Charles Stanley. I hope this not only helps the person looking for comfort, but the one who provides it.

Practical Ways to Bear Burdens

1 Thessalonians 5:14

There are hurting people everywhere, but at times we just don't know what to say or do to ease their pain. Here are six practical ways to bear someone else's burden.

1. Be there. At times the best "method" of helping is simply to be present. During our darkest hours, we don't need someone who tries in vain to fix everything; we just need a friend.
2. Listen. Don't attempt to give answers or tell people what to do next. Injured souls frequently want simply a listening ear so they can express what's on their mind.
3. Share. Never parade yourself as someone who has all the answers. Instead, allow your own pain and failures to help others.
4. Pray. There is power in speaking people's names before the Lord. When they hear someone talk to Jesus on their behalf, healing often starts taking place.
5. Give. Sometimes helping others involves more than a handshake or warm hug. Maybe they need something financial or material. One of the best measures of sincerity is how much we're willing to give to others.
6. Substitute.You may know an individual who bears the burden of caring for someone else. If you step in and take his or her place for a while, you are emulating your Savior--He, too, was a substitute.

Dr. Charles Stanley

Have a blessed day everyone.

Throwback Thursday

Not long after I began this blog, the family and I were at a get together discussing that very fact. A small discussion went around the room the topic being my ability to write. Everyone was amazed that it sounded pretty darn good.

When it came round to a particular person, they made a remark how it was okay, but a little too dark for them. They couldn't take that on a regular basis for fear of becoming depressed.

I was not offended then and I'm not offended now. You see, honesty keeps us humble. I do have a tendency to whine and I have realized that everyone has different tastes. What appeals to me, may not appeal to anyone else.

Besides, I'm more the Erma Bombeck crowd rather than a suave modern geek. Wink.

A Broken Record

     A broken record means repeating something over and over again to the brink of insanity . What have I repeated ? I don't feel good . That has become my fave line . I have said it so often that I have grown to dislike that line .
    I've noticed that my daughter even added this line to her dialogue . Right after I start saying it  , she intervenes with her own list of medically inclined illnesses . She doesn't feel good , either .
    I guess , my car also doesn't  feel good . Ever since  I  announced in September that my cancer returned , my car started breaking down . Not even two weeks go by without some sort of breakdown . Yesterday , the wheel started shaking while driving . Of course . The car doesn't feel good .
  This morning , Diamond pranced over to Emily and started meowing . I'm sure it was about an ailment of some sort she was feeling . Why not ? I've created a broken record for this household to uphold .
  Need to post a warning sign for anyone coming near in case they also develop a broken record of their own . BEWARE .....SOME WHINING MAY INCURR UPON ASKING ,"HOW ARE YOU FEELING ".

Have a blessed day everyone.

Choo Choo All The Way

"I want to be a conductor," I tell Joey as I get off the train.
" And who is going to help you off the train?" he answers.

That always brings a smile to my face whenever I remember that moment. There is something about a train that brings out the little girl inside of me. Not exactly sure if it is the nostalgic era of Agatha Christie's murder mysteries or the memory of a favorite beau who happened to love trains.

Either way, I love trains. I love riding them. I love hearing them and I love it when the whistle  blows loudly. I can almost feel the rush run through my veins standing on the platform welcoming the incoming train.

One of my dreams is to take a ride on the Orient Express that goes through Europe just like the one in Agatha Christie's novels. I could see myself, sipping my tea and crocheting a blanket on my lap. I could look at all  my fellow passengers and create stories about them.

In reality, it's been a rainy kind of month and all is quiet here at home. Emily had her wisdom teeth pulled, laying on the couch like a good patient with her face swollen for a chance instead of mine.

Since the downpour of rain the other day, all street work has been to a minimal and the upstairs is finally finished ready for new dwellers. Rain never stops the lawn maintenance people. They mow the grass in rain  and thunder. Makes no difference to them. It's drizzling outside and here they are faithful as ever.

All this rain brings out the dreamer inside of me. It's been a long time since I rode on my train. Maybe it's time for a visit.

Have a blessed day everyone.

An Uneasy Monday

The weekend was a somber one as Emily's allergies attacked ferociously. Of course, why shouldn't they? Wasn't it just like the devil to throw a monkey wrench into something we have waited for so long? Always trying to rob our joy.

She has waited for her wisdom teeth to be pulled since Fall of last year. It has been one obstacle after another, trying to get this accomplished.

First, she aged out of my insurance, then she needed to be approved for her own. That took another two months or so. Then even though she was still using her own dentist, since she had a new account, she still needed to wait a month to be placed back on the list. When that happened, she was considered a " new " patient and had to wait another six weeks for an appointment. That appointment was only for a referral to get her wisdom teeth pulled.

Have I lost you?

Now, her allergies have set in a day before her oral surgery. She was upset all weekend, worried that it will have to be postponed. . . . again. Last night, she took some medicine  and has been knocked out since.

No water, no food and no gum for eight hours before. That's fine when the procedure is in the morning, but the afternoon . . . . that's a lot more difficult. No mother can bear to see her child suffer in any way, even with the denial of water. No water, food or gum for me either then, or at least in front of her.

That was the morning. Sitting here many hours later, we are so very thankful that it's finally over. They have been pulled and we can finally scratch this off the "to do list" and move on to the next. Thank you, Jesus, for allowing us to get home before the real storm raged on outside.

This is a perfect example of us waiting and waiting on the Lord, but when He comes through, hold on to your seat because the blessings will be showering down!

Have a blessed day everyone.

The Long And Winding Road

There is a road that I would take every time I visited my baby brother and his family. I loved going through there, because it was surrounded by the forest preserve. Since the road was single lane on each side, it gave it the appearance of driving through the forest.

On a good day, one could see a single deer or a family feeding close to the edge. Nature is beautiful. No matter what Season we were in, those trees were gorgeous.

This reminds me of my walk with God. I have been on numerous paths, some have been curvy, some hidden with potholes and some straight. There has also been many Seasons and not always filled with sunshine.

Yet, no matter if I was angry or disappointed with God, my love for Him has never waivered. I am amazed at His power, His love and His forgiveness. Yet, there are people who don't feel as I. There are people who fall away from God during storms.

What makes some of us stronger than others? Is it the journey we are on? Or the level, the intensity of our Faith? Why do some people give up while others become even stronger?

I have two friends that are going through a storm. In a way, both their storms are almost alike even though they have never met each other. Yet, one is falling apart and the other holding on. Our journeys maybe  so much alike and yet so different.

 I believe the devil is always looking for a place to set his foothold and when he does, things unravel like a frayed sweater. We have to be on guard at all times to protect these four walls of our home, our life. Staying on that road, no matter the condition of it, is a full time job. Don't become distracted while the enemy sneaks in to rob us of our joy.

Have a Blessed day everyone.

Humbled By Grace

I acknowledged my sin to You . . .
and You forgave the guilt of my sin.
Psalm 32:5

I'm a huge advocate of prayer. I pray before I drive anywhere. I pray when I hear sirens. I pray when I see people stranded with their vehicles or an accident. I pray before entering work. I pray all day long, sometimes not even being aware of it.

The way I pray has changed over the years. In my younger years, it was more fervent with Lord, I need this and that, please!

As I became a Christian, my prayers turned into conversations with God. Lord, it's raining today, let everyone pay attention and keep everyone safe.

With time, I've learned to be more detailed in my prayers naming my desires personally. Lord, let John or Mary be the one for my children.

I also thought that the frequency of my prayers would result in what I wanted more and a lot faster. Lord, I'm going to pray in the morning, noon, and night. I'm going to pray  every chance I get so You'll know I'm serious.

Nowadays, I still pray throughout the day and it's still a conversation with the Lord. The way I pray has changed. I no longer ask for this or that. Instead, I pray: Lord, let Your will be done. Let me accept and follow Your will. In all I do or say, let it be in reflection of You.

Have a Blessed day everyone.

Simply Netflix

When we live with someone as roommates, as Emily and I do, you learn how to split the workload and how to compromise on certain things. Each of us has a duty to perform regarding our household.

It also applies to other areas such as entertainment. We have had Netflix for years. One of the things we do is share this Netflix by alternating the movies we watch together. One for her, one for me and so on and so on.

I must have been in a wild and crazy mood one night, because I loaded up my side with nothing, but exercise tapes. Not just any ordinary tapes, but boot camp and advanced yoga. Not just a couple either, but almost all they had in their library. Well, they are arriving much to Emily's amusement. Since they are here, I might as well do them.

Lord, I'm old and I'm overweight. The first one that arrived was actually named Aerobic Boot Camp. I moaned, groaned out loud and ached all over. I'll be honest, I cannot finish the entire hour long DVD in one go. Maybe, I could if I really tried, but I don't want to try.

I don't care for exercising, maybe that's the reason I'm overweight. Technically, diet is not enough when used alone. We are to do both, diet and exercise. I do realize that it's hard now, because of the weight I'm carrying. I know I'd feel better towards it if I lost some weight and then I'd have more energy to exercise.

We shall see what happens, but I will do them.

Have a Blessed day everyone.

Throwback Thursday

This is one of my top five favorite postings of all time. I love to look back and see how God was working the idea of a crocheting ministry within me. He was slowly preparing me for this very purpose.

Did I know it? Absolutely not! All I felt was that there was something new on the horizon for me. In fact, that feeling has been there ever since my journey with cancer began. It's as if the cancer and the crocheting are intertwined   somehow. Perhaps, even this blog.

Who knows what else will be in store for me in the coming years. I'm ready to continue this journey onto a new path, as scary as it may be.  

A Basket Of Yarn

 A basket of yarn and a dream begins..........

  Not too long ago , I wrote in this very blog about a dream I wanted to fulfill involving booties for St. Jude . This past weekend , I was presented with a basket of beautiful yarn to make that dream happen . it didn't take long for a crocheting frenzy to begin . That's what I've been on.....a crocheting frenzy .
  Folks , something happened inside me when I saw that basket . A renewed hope has given birth . Whatever happens in my life , I will make that dream come true . If any of you would like to join me on this quest .....that would be great . I want to knit or crochet children's booties or slip on socks for the St. Jude's Hospital.
  Let's give ourselves a deadline . What time frame do you think it should be ? Six months ? A year ? How long ? How many do you think we can make if all of us participate ? Maybe , you don't know how to knit or crochet but would like to help .......donate some yarn instead . Get those knitting needles and crocheting hooks out !!!!

Have a Blessed day everyone.

Tea In The Afternoon

When I was a little girl, I would accompany my mother when she visited a friend of hers. This lady friend was extremely eccentric, had so many knick knacks all over her home and many cats and dogs. To earn extra money, she always had tenants so her home seemed overflowing with people.

I truly loved going there, because of all the interesting things that I would see. All those animals, the treasures , the different ethnic group of people that lived there, but most of all the afternoon tea she would serve.

It wasn't just tea or coffee that she would serve. There always was a cake with that tea. It could be a pound cake or coffeecake or just plain cookies, but I loved the whole act of going back in time to an era of time past.

To this day, I have a deep love of things of long ago, especially the Victorian, English-style and the forties era. Anytime there is a program or series featuring that era, I make a point to watch.

Sometimes, I wonder if this appreciation stems from my many visits to this woman's home. It is a wonderful reminder of a glorious time in my life. So many beautiful memories spent with this lovely woman.

Do you have special memories from your childhood that have formed an appreciation, a love of certain things? I would love to hear about them.

Have a Blessed day everyone.

Spend The Day With Me:Pt.5

My family life.

So my work life is the most challenging. My ministry life is the most time consuming. My writing life is the least amount spent. What is my family life?

My family life trumps all. I base my entire schedule on what appointments or family social plans I have. Any last minute changes? Everything gets pushed back to accommodate my obligations.

Of course, I love to know at least a week ahead, but there are those times that emergencies happen. Nobody likes those. Thank goodness for my handy desk calendar where both Emily's and my activities are duly noted. We do that for a reason. We want to make sure that each one of us is aware of what the other is doing. Besides, it's easier to schedule family time when you can see it laid out in front of you.

This year has been very difficult for all of us getting together. I almost feel as if we have bitten off more than we can chew with all of our appointments. They have taken away from the family time that I speak of. When the children were little, the family lived close to one another. Then they all grew up and moved away to live out their lives.

We have families spread all over from Springfield to Wisconsin. From Florida to Michigan. How do we get everyone in one place? Just organizing everyone's schedule to fit with one another is challenging. I'm almost thinking of having a family reunion at a camp every year.

I'd love to hear what everyone else is doing family-wise to keep a close knit unity.

Have a Blessed day everyone.

A Struggling Monday

No matter how beautiful the weekend was, come Monday morning  we all struggle out of bed with forlorn reluctance as the week begins anew. Coming off a Holiday weekend is even harder, because the more time off we have, the more we are reluctant to go back to the norm.

Yet, there are those rare times that a weekend went sour and we run to work to escape. I, myself, have done so many times, especially in my younger days.

As to this weekend, well. . . . it wasn't exactly a well spent time nor a relaxing one. I had breakfast with a friend I haven't seen for awhile this past Saturday. She had made some rhinestone t-shirts for Emily and I with the ovarian cancer ribbon as part of the logo.

We met at Denny's, I ordered my usual mushroom omelet whenever we're out for breakfast. I've been sick all weekend.

I've realized that I no longer can go out and eat wherever. I need to be more choosy or at least choosy with the ordering. Emily and I have been eating healthier and our bodies are so used to that type of food or method of preparing food.

I'm not sure if it was the fried potatoes, the processed cheese in the omelet or the excess of butter, but my body violently rejected the contents. Talk about nausea. Memories of chemo treatments came flooding back. I must have drank gallons of water and multiple packages of saltine crackers.

I feel much better, but alas, it's time to go back to work.

Have a Blessed day everyone.

Relay For Life

 This Sunday, June 7, the American Cancer Society will be celebrating National Cancer Survivors Day.
On this day, we celebrate our loved ones who have survived cancer, support those who are currently battling the disease, and commit to making more stories of survival. Have an inspiring story of your own? Share it on our Facebook page

Today it's cancer survivor day. Of course, I had to post something, because I am a survivor three times over!!!

I am truly blessed to be here. At the same time, I miss my Linda. It seems strange to me to be here without her. I am reminded of her in everything I do.

We are all touched by cancer. We all know someone who has had cancer, who died of cancer and who is going through cancer. Today is for us. May God continue to bless us with His everlasting Grace.

Happy survivor day friends!

Spend The Day With Me:Pt.4

My writing life.

Of the four, my writing life has the least amount of my time. This may sound hard to believe since I post a blog daily or at least try to. I have a very short window as to when I can sit down and write. When it's gone, it's gone.

People assume that I write the blog I've posted that very same day. Sometimes, that is true, but on the average, it can take several days to finish just that one piece.

Writing is not as easy as it looks. I can stare at a blank page and not one single word pops into mind. My best time is morning, because I am one of those writers that needs quiet nor interference of any kind. When an idea comes, that flow cannot be interrupted or it passes by and I can't get it back. Many times I've had great material only to lose it completely, because a call came through or a knock on the door.

In fact, I have several drafts started (17 right now) of different stories and I try to add on to each one until it is completed. There are those rare days where I can start and finish within the hour. Those are very rare, indeed.

Sometimes, when I'm driving or at work or standing in a line, ideas pop into my head and I wish I had a tape recorder. I've made it a point to carry a small notepad and pen just for moments like those.

I've expanded my writing a little bit by challenging myself into other arenas besides blogging. All in all, I've found a therapeutic escape for myself and it goes by the name of writing. In the perfect world, I see myself writing in the morning  and crocheting in the evening. In the perfect world, not here.

Have a Blessed day everyone.

Spend The Day With Me:Pt.3

My ministry life.

My ministry life was a total surprise to me. When I first began, my thoughts were that perhaps two or three ladies would stop by and we would leisurely crochet together once a month. I never thought it would turn into this fulltime ministry.

Before I go any further, let me say this: I love what I'm doing and I wholeheartedly wish I could do this for a living, but one needs to pay bills. As time consuming as it is, I feel as if I was born  to do this. Even though I'm a loner by nature, I push myself to mingle with people in general. This is one way to do that. If I could live in the woods by myself somewhere, I would, but we are made to be with others.

Like I said, I thought of this as a friendly get together for a few hours of women fellowship. What I failed to realize is that someone would have to go out and buy the supplies. Someone would have to rally around for donations of material and yarn. Someone would have to find charities, check their hours and schedules. Someone would have to make those deliveries.

What about the care of the Facebook page? Someone needs to keep track of receipts, paperwork, schedules, dates, phone numbers etc. I keep track of what has been  donated and to whom, everything is documented to a T in case there may be a question. The e-mails alone are a work in progress. I have subscribed to several charitable organizations so I am aware of any events that may be coming up.

Yet, I love every single moment of it. Time consuming ? Of the four, this takes up so much of my time. If I'm not preoccupied with any of the three, I'm doing ministry work. That can include cutting, pasting, crocheting, packaging, mailing, delivering, shopping etc. You name it.

Someone once said that I loved to be busy and she was right. As much as I complain, I'm glad of the busyness in my life to keep me going.

Have a Blessed day everyone.

Throwback Thursday

I really don't know why I went back to the old neighborhood, driving past my old house. Normally, I'm not that sentimental with what was, especially when I move on. I totally believe in not looking back, trying to relive something that is over. When I let go, I let go.

So why did I go? I have often heard others refer to having a desire in revisiting their childhood or young years in a way to say goodbye. Maybe that's what I was doing in my own way. . . .saying goodbye.

Revisiting The Past

      Driving through my old neighborhood the other day, I decided to take a spin past where I used to live. Driving around the back and front of the house, I kept searching for any signs of my old life. To my dismay I couldn't find any .
       Instead, I saw only the garage that needed repair and the window that had a crack. I saw the garden filled with weeds, all drab and unkept. The curtains weren't as pretty as the ones we used to have .
       It was the same old house, yet nothing  like I remembered it. Driving away, I thought to myself , why did I come back here for? What did I hope to find? Obviously, whatever I was looking for was no longer there. You really can't go back.
       Driving home, I thought back to my earlier days with this blog. I remembered the disappointment I felt but was afraid to mention out loud. I don't feel like that anymore. Whatever I felt then stays in the past because I'm a  different person now. That drab house with a cracked window no longer represents me. You can't stop by for a visit. You can only drive past. You don't live there any longer.

Have a blessed day everyone.

Spend The Day With Me:Pt.2

My work life.

One would think that my work life would actually hold stability, but that is untrue. In fact, my work life is the one thing that throws a monkey wrench into my schedule all the time.

I never know from one day to the next what I will be doing at work, because of my being a backup to other positions. There have been times that I've been called at home  to come in earlier than normally. I really dislike these sudden unexpected phone calls. Usually at that point my day has been set in stone and I have to drop everything and head off to work.

Then there are the days that I know about ahead of time. I'm not very productive during those days at home, because of the knots in my stomach. I really don't like being  a backup and if I know ahead of time that I have to come in (early), I fret and work myself into a lather. I can't focus on what I'm supposed to be doing.

My weekends are unpredictable regarding work as well. I may have to come in and work a Saturday. We have begun a rotation recently which is a lot better. Making plans for the near future might happen or might not.

Another point: I feel less like myself at work than the other three. This is also the most challenging for my moral, my belief system and my character. Funny, because this is where I spend most of my time.

Have a Blessed day everyone.

Spend The Day With Me:Pt. 1

While at work, I'm often seen running around like the Rabbit in Alice of Wonderland, but instead of murmuring I'm late, I'm late one can hear me saying I'm so behind! That usually means behind at home.

Why? What exactly do you do at home that makes you so behind?

That  question usually stops me in my tracks. How do I explain what I do? I'm baffled as to how to explain. I easily become tongue-tied regarding my everyday activities.

My life really has four compartments to it. There is my work life, my ministry life, my family life and my writing life. How do I explain to someone that all these parts equal to one me? How do I explain without sounding like I'm bragging?

So what does my day look like? Well, I keep a schedule, although the schedule changes as my needs change. My old schedule had really no schedule at all. I didn't dissect my activities into groups. I usually ended up placing all my work into one big pile. I did whatever was first in that pile. 

That worked when I was on third shift, because I had all day to do that work. The minute I stepped into second shift, that schedule no longer worked. I have been struggling since then to get things done.  That's why I decided to place my life into these four parts. For the next couple of days, I plan on answering that question once and for all. Stay tuned for Part 2.

Have a Blessed day everyone.

Monday Blues

We have  had so many shut down days at work that when we actually have to do a regular work week, it's pure torture. The first thing we all say to one another: When is the next shutdown day?

That's exactly how I felt this morning when I awakened. I didn't get up immediately, but snuggled even deeper into my blankets. I felt cold and shivers ran through my body. One would think it was October instead of June with this type of weather.

Somewhere deep within my mind, a little voice was saying but the bills, but the bills. Ugh, the bills needed to be paid. Totally disgusted with responsibility, I lifted the covers to get up and almost immediately the cold enveloped my body. Damn, it's cold.

I spent the morning going through the motions of duty. Didn't even bother with opening my curtains. Why should I? It's just gray outside.

There are days like this that it's just hard to move, to continue with the daily rituals of life. We want to stay huddled under the covers until the sunshine comes back, but we can't. Life goes on and so should we.

Activities keep my mind from wandering, focusing on things that are worrisome and troublesome to me. The more time I spend on these things the more negative and unsatisfied with life I become. I allow the devil access and that is the last thing I want or need.

Do you do the same, my friend? Do you open the door and send out a personal invitation for all the wrong things? I know I do. That's why on those blue days, I make myself get up and continue on. If I don't, I definitely will end up spending my day comparing my life to someone else.

Definitely not on my to do list this morning. So yes, it's gray outside and kind of dismal, but let's get moving and doing.

Have a BLESSED DAY everyone.