What heart can comprehend Thy name,
Or, searching, find Thee out?
Who art within, a quickening flame,
A presence round about.
Yet though I know Thee but in part,
I ask not, Lord, for more:
Enough for me to know Thou art,
To love Thee and adore.
F. L. HOSMER
I have been told that I am pretty explicit and honest when it comes to my cancer. It is really for one reason: I want to be very honest about what it is, what it can do and what it cannot. It's important, because I don't want people to ever feel alone. I want them to know that we all go through the same stages with cancer. They may be at different levels or lengths of time, but we all experience them. We may also experience them in different ways emotionally.
One of the main things I have learned while in radiation is that cancer patients feel inadequate in what they are feeling. They are feeling different and guilty for having many of these emotions and thoughts. Basically, I say what we all are thinking, but too afraid to say it aloud.
Occasionally, I will receive an e-mail or comment that is not favorable to me. In fact, the individual will be quite angry at me for saying some of these things. Almost, as if I said it intentionally. That is not so.
I think the problem may be twofold. One, the way I am now actually took twelve years to achieve. In these years, I've dealt with a lot of issues in regards to my cancer. It took all these years to get to the stage I am in now. Even so, I still grapple with many of them. I am a work in progress. The positive attitude you may see in me is a result of being in the game for so long. I know that this attitude of mine can irk others, especially the ones newly diagnosed.
Secondly, I believe that if there was something in what I said that stirred a response in them, whether it was good or bad, perhaps that is the stage they are in? Just perhaps, they are struggling in this stage and this just touches them in a way they are not ready to accept? I say this kindly, because I have been there, my friends. I have been there.
Showing empathy and compassion may not be the exact same way you may show, but it is there, believe me. I hate to see people suffer needlessly. There can still be much joy left to live if only one is open to it. Our time here may be limited, but what a well lived life we cam have, so let's live it!
Have a blessed day everyone.
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