Day 81 Of Writing:Health Benefits Of Forgiveness

                                                               Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                                everyday is a journey. 




What Thou shalt to-day provide,
    Let me as a child receive;
  What to-morrow may betide,
    Calmly to Thy wisdom leave.
  'Tis enough that Thou wilt care;
    Why should I the burden bear?
J. NEWTON.



Health benefits of forgiveness? The title itself intrigued me as I leafed through an old Reader's Digest. Forgiveness is one topic that every person out there has experienced, is experiencing or will experience at some point in their life. If we are honest, truly honest, we actually deal with forgiveness quite often in our lifetime. 

 According to them, a study was done by the Department of Psychology at the University of Tennessee. They found that with forgiveness came stress relief, lower heart rate and decreased blood pressure. It also provides an improved sleep quality and strengthened spirituality. On the flip side, holding onto to resentment can lead to high blood pressure, muscle tension and depression. 

Yet, it is something that we all feel we are not the reason why forgiveness doesn't occur in a relationship of any kind. We all have family members that aren't speaking to one another for whatever reason. Some of those reasons no one can remember, because it has been that long, folks. Yet, we like to say, it's not me, it's them. No one really wants to make that move. There is awkwardness and unease. So no one does nothing. 

Let's face it, folks. Forgiveness is tough. For some of us, it will take years to let go. Plus, we all know someone who just cannot move forward with some sort of positive resolution. Heck, we could be that person. I have found that a tragedy almost has to happen before we are open to be in the same room with them. 

Going through with this cancer, this is something I wish we could change as a generation. People ask for world peace, I ask for forgiveness among men. I can see the destructive side of it and honestly, when a life is on the line, the past doesn't matter. Too many families are fighting over things that hold no priority over loving and living together peacefully as we should. 

I don't want to spend my life hating and fighting. Whatever time I do have, let's enjoy each other's company and what we have to offer to one another. We need to learn how to let go. Another step to living fully and healthier.

Have a blessed day everyone. 

Day 80 Of Writing: Not Your Best

                                                          Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey. 



Thrice blest whose lives are faithful prayers,
Whose loves in higher love endure;
What souls possess themselves so pure,
Or is there blessedness like theirs?
A. TENNYSON

Have you ever felt that you haven't looked your best at work or any function? Maybe you had a horrible hair day or you didn't look good in what you were wearing? You felt overweight and sloppy, hoping you could disappear quietly into the background where no one could look at you. Have you ever regretted wearing what you did and vowed to throw it out when you returned home? Have you ever had a day like that?

That is exactly what my week was like! I just wanted to hide and be left alone. Of course, everyone just had to talk to me about one thing or another. Of course, that's when we have some important clients walk through the building. 

Even this morning, on a weekend for heaven's sake, I felt totally sloppy and sweaty. I didn't expect it to be so hot so early in the morning. Right after dropping my mom off, I changed my plans a bit by going home to change. It affected the rest of the day, because it seemed like I was late for every appointed errand. Delay, delay, delay. 

Plus, the crowds! It seems that people love the sunny weather and come outside. People everywhere in every kind of store or business. So much traffic out there and I couldn't wait to get home. I was done. Once home, all energy left me and I looked at dismay at the huge chaos called my room. I had plans to finish up this remodel this weekend. Or at least, make some major headway. I just don't see it happening. 

Oh and this chaos is spilling over into the kitchen! We haven't been able to use our kitchen table ever since I began painting. I still have no idea how I fit all this stuff in my room to begin with. It's a mystery.

People have asked me how is the room remodel going? Well, it's going. We're just not sure exactly where it's going. It's just hard to do anything during the week. There's work, there's the Ministry, there's the blog. Bit by bit, that's how it's going.

Have a blessed day everyone. 

Day 79 Of Writing: Craving A Chicken McNugget

                                                                Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                                 everyday is a journey. 


Oh, my soul, why art thou vexed?
Let things go e'en as they will;
Though to thee they seem perplexed,
Yet His order they fulfil.
A. H. FRANCKE

It all began with a small piece of chicken mcnugget from MacDonald's. My fellow co-worker/buddy offered me a sample. I held that sweet smelling tasty morsel to my nose, inhaling the deliciousness of such badness. I cannot remember the last time I ate one. Was it in 2007? Perhaps longer? I took tiny nibbles to make it last a long, long time. I might never have one again. I  have to enjoy every bit of this moment!

It seems I have been on a healthy diet for twelve years. People have no idea how much I gave up with this cancer. I chose to eat healthy to make my body stronger and able to withstand whatever or whenever cancer struck. It was a decision I don't regret. Yet sometimes, when I see others eating fast foods, snacks or sweets, I would really like some, too.

So ever since that chicken mcnugget, I've been thinking and craving all the things I really shouldn't be having. What is it about our brain that we want all the things that are bad for us? We imagine them to be even sweeter and tastier than in reality. It's the same with all things in life. We want what we cannot have. Period. It's been that way since the Garden of Eden.

Normal people do not think like us foodies do. To those of us who love food, all food, we associate good food with comfort, love and acceptance. We savor the different flavors and enjoy our meals. Am I making anyone hungry here? I know I am. My cravings have hit an all time high today. Not to worry, though. I have no inclination to run out and grab something totally unwholesome. It's a good thing we don't have all those snacks or sweets at home. That's a good thing, because I would tear into it like a mad woman! I do plan on having some cooked beets and maybe some lentil crackers with hummus. It might not be as good as a chicken mcnugget, but at least, I won't regret it later.

Have a blessed day everyone.

Day 78 Of Writing: A Nice Surprise

                                                Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.


Bright be my prospect as I pass along;--
An ardent service at the cost of all,--
Love by untiring ministry made strong,
And ready for the first, the softest call.
A. L. WARING

I got quite a pleasant surprise when I came home from work last night. I guess Emily was bitten by the "cleaning bug," because the place was spotless. Or I should say the front of the apartment. The kitchen and my room is still in a state of chaos.

The desk has been moved and I have to say that I'm feeling a bit of excitement about that. I really like the new spot and can't wait to get crackling on some writing. Already, few bits and pieces of décor are coming into play here. The ideas are flowing, folks. I think it will look great.

I need to make a stop at WalMart on my way home. There are a few items I want to check out and perhaps buy. For one thing, I want to start dehydrating some veggies from the Farmer's Market and I'm interested in buying a portable air conditioner. Maybe even some canning jars.

So what is next? Well, I'm concentrating on that desk wall. At this rate, my room will be done by Fall, lol. Don't worry, folks, the weekend is coming and the majority of the room will be finished.

There was a huge new pile of laundry, though. There is always laundry and more trash whenever we remodel/cleanup. We did splurge last weekend on some new mesh desk chairs that were going for really cheap at Costco. When you see a great deal, go for it and we did. So far, it seems we are breaking all our rules. Are we going to meet our financial goals for this year? A little skeptical right now. Or perhaps feeling guilty?

Have a blessed day everyone.

Day 77 Of Writing: A Work In Progress

                                                  Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.



Not so in haste, my heart;
Have faith in God, and wait;
Although He linger long,
He never comes too late.
ANON.

Today was soooo much better. When I worked on third shift, I used to tell people whenever there was any kind of conflict, that tomorrow was another day. I truly believe in that motto and that's why I have it inscribed under every top cover picture on my blog.

Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

Today really was much better. I felt energized enough to get some laundry done and some vacuuming. Since I only have the morning, time is a bit restricted. Emily groomed Diamond and cleaned up around her part of the kitchen (her bowl and litter box) thoroughly. I tried to put up some things on the side of the wall where my desk will go. Of course, several trips with the garbage. Whenever we do some organizing, there always seems to be a lot of trash!

Tomorrow will be the problematic and tedious job of moving the desk. We have to disconnect and re-connect the computer. Always a hassle with all the wires. Lord, so many wires. I don't know about you, but there is tons of dust, too. Everyone else's computer looks neat and dust free! Not mine.

That's my goal for now, it's a day by day thing. I'm not going to stress myself out. One can do only so much at a time. I'm not exactly seeing the vision of my room mentally anyway. All I really wanted was to paint and surely the rest would follow. We shall see. Until tomorrow.

Have a blessed day everyone. 

Day 76 Of Writing; Depressing, Sad, Horrible

                                                                  Everyday is a brand new day, 
                                                                   everyday is a journey. 




For His great love has compassed
Our nature, and our need
We know not; but He knoweth,
And He will bless indeed.
Therefore, O heavenly Father,
Give what is best to me;
And take the wants unanswered,
As offerings made to Thee.
ANON.

Have you ever woken up feeling melancholy? Have you ever wanted to just stay in bed and watch movies with the covers drawn up to your chin? Today is that type of day. So cloudy outside that it actually darkened as if it was evening all day long. I didn't do a darn thing all morning and even considered calling in a sick day for work. Emily pushed me out the door.

I'm almost done with my room, only have to paint behind the bed. Just a small spot and it will be over. Or at least that part. Otherwise, my room looks like a disaster area. There is stuff piled high up to the ceiling, overflowing into the next room . . . the kitchen. How in heaven's name did it all fit before?

I just gave up and went back to lounging on my bed watching The O.J. Simpson Series on Netflix. I remember this whole affair quite well. A few years back, I have seen another documentary on his life. How sad! The defense was so brilliant that everyone forgot that there were two murdered people. No one hardly even mentioned Ron Goldman or the fact that Nicole was a battered wife, a badly battered one. Very sad indeed.

In the end, I guess there are people who are innocent and in prison. There are guilty people who go free. It all depends on the defense team that represents you. If you have money, the lawyers can be awesome. If justice is served depends on how you look at it. Or maybe I should say what it means to you can be different than the next guy. The whole thing just upset and saddened me. Top that along with a gloomy day with low energy levels and viola . . . .depressing, sad, horrible.

Sort of like this room right now. Ugh, better get a move on!

Have a blessed day everyone. 

Day 75 Of Writing: Empathy And Compassion

                                                      Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey. 





What heart can comprehend Thy name,
Or, searching, find Thee out?
Who art within, a quickening flame,
A presence round about.
Yet though I know Thee but in part,
I ask not, Lord, for more:
Enough for me to know Thou art,
To love Thee and adore.
F. L. HOSMER

I have been told that I am pretty explicit and honest when it comes to my cancer. It is really for one reason: I want to be very honest about what it is, what it can do and what it cannot. It's important, because I don't want people to ever feel alone. I want them to know that we all go through the same stages with cancer. They may be at different levels or lengths of time, but we all experience them. We may also experience them in different ways emotionally. 

One of the main things I have learned while in radiation is that cancer patients feel inadequate in what they are feeling. They are feeling different and guilty for having many of these emotions and thoughts. Basically, I say what we all are thinking, but too afraid to say it aloud. 

Occasionally, I will receive an e-mail or comment that is not favorable to me. In fact, the individual will be quite angry at me for saying some of these things. Almost, as if I said it intentionally. That is not so. 

I think the problem may be twofold. One, the way I am now actually took twelve years to achieve. In these years, I've dealt with a lot of issues in regards to my cancer. It took all these years to get to the stage I am in now. Even so, I still grapple with many of them. I am a work in progress. The positive attitude you may see in me is a result of being in the game for so long. I know that this attitude of mine can irk others, especially the ones newly diagnosed. 

Secondly, I believe that if there was something in what I said that stirred a response in them, whether it was good or bad, perhaps that is the stage they are in? Just perhaps, they are struggling in this stage and this just touches them in a way they are not ready to accept? I say this kindly, because I have been there, my friends. I have been there.

Showing empathy and compassion may not be the exact same way you may show, but it is there, believe me. I hate to see people suffer needlessly. There can still be much joy left to live if only one is open to it. Our time here may be limited, but what a well lived life we cam have, so let's live it!

Have a blessed day everyone. 

Day 74 Of Writing: I Dislike Painting

                                               Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.


On the great love of God I lean,
Love of the Infinite, Unseen,
With nought of heaven or earth between.
This God is mine, and I am His;
His love is all I need of bliss.
H. BONAR.

I dislike painting. There was a time that remodeling of any kind didn't bother me at all. Nowadays, I don't have the desire to do any of it. I don't want to spend my time cleaning, cooking or doing any housework at all. In fact, I look forward to the time when I am living alone so all of that will be at a minimal. In reality, I'll probably cry like a baby when Emily leaves me. Who will feed me?

One wall was already finished. I sat there amidst the chaos of my bedroom. At this point, I couldn't see the outcome, the beauty of how it would look. Looking around, all I could see was a mess. Where am I going to sleep tonight? The bed was completely covered with everything from one side of the room. The side that was being painted. 

Even the color was giving me doubts. It seemed perfect when I first bought it. I felt excitement at the prospect of how good this room would look when finished. Now I'm not so sure. Now I was having doubts to all of it. Should I have even begun this project?

All I see are the imperfections. I'm not as agile as I once had been. My skill as a painter has definitely decreased. This weekend has had it's challenges. Some good moments, some happy moments and some defeating ones as well. Maybe I''m just too critical, because my emotions are all over the place. 
Maybe, just maybe.

Well, I have no other choice now, but finish it. Sometimes, we have to complete something that we are not happy about. Those moments actually take longer than usual, because of the upheaval, the tension. Who knows, maybe it may actually look beautiful when completed. No matter how dark, there is always a light at the end.

Have a blessed day everyone. 

Day 73 Of Writing: Memories

                                                        Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey 




I am glad to think
I am not bound to make the world go right;
But only to discover and to do,
With cheerful heart, the work that God appoints.
I will trust in Him,
That He can hold His own; and I will take
His will, above the work He sendeth me,
To be my chiefest good.
J. INGELOW.

A happy memory never wears out.

An Amish saying.

Amen, amen. Some memories we keep going back to, because they have made us laugh or smile. It's these tender moments that keep playing forever in our minds. When it comes to my children, I remember the good times. The bad? Well, they're distant memories and I'm waving goodbye to them. No need for us to be holding on to things like that. Life is way to short and I want nothing, but Joy in mine.

I love the time I can spend with my small, but lovely family even if it is just for lunch or a quick ice cream cone. Sometimes that is all we can afford to do with everyone's schedule being what it is. Plus, let's not forget we live such a long distance away from one another.

We make memories every single day, whether they are good or bad. I, myself can attest to the struggle of living life and facing all it's ugly giants. Has it been a really good weekend, thus far? Well, yes and no. It has had it's moments. Bittersweet moments. Difficulties arise all the time with the least amount of warning. One has to enjoy the Joy whenever it is presented and cherish the memories that come with it. 

There will be plenty of fantastic weekends where everything falls into place magnificently without any tarnish. I love my children and look forward to seeing them even if there is conflict or not. We shared a lovely lunch the other day and I am so grateful for it. Tonight, Emily and I shared a lovely supper of a pita pizza. Our first attempt, could use some improvements, but the laughter that followed was priceless. 

Have a blessed day everyone. 

Day 72 Of Writing: Living The Joy

                                                  Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.



In the heart's depths a peace serene and holy
Abides, and when pain seems to have its will,
Or we despair,--oh, may that peace rise slowly,
Stronger than agony, and we be still.
S. JOHNSON

Everyone is looking for joy, but finding it can be a bit difficult. I guess the question becomes what is the joy you are searching for? We all have different levels of joy. Some of us are perfectly happy with small bits of joy here and there throughout the day. Others are searching for the perfect Joy that can be found in contentment. Which joy is yours?

During my journey with ovarian cancer, I have discovered just how fleeting joy can be. I have stopped seeking contentment, because that is something only a few of us will be able to achieve. Besides, my time here is way too short and I intend on spending it living the joy rather then searching for it.

What? You heard me. Living the joy. There is joy everywhere if one just looks. Ask yourself if you are first willing to see it. Many people only see the negative in all things around them.  That's why contentment can never work for me. That would mean that I am "content" all the time. That's just not true. I see joy in enjoying a good cup of coffee in the morning. An hour later, my day may shift into stress mode. It may carry that way for the remainder of the day. I may find joy later in the evening by sitting in my favorite chair, sipping an aromatic glass of wine.

Joy comes and goes. Enjoy it while it is here, because one can never know when it will disappear. Only the memory will linger. So let me ask you once again, which joy are you searching for?

Have a blessed day everyone. 

Day 71 Of Writing: My New Motto

                                                      Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey. 




To be continually advancing in the
 paths of knowledge is one of the
 most pleasing satisfactions of the
 human mind. 
These are pleasures perfect 
consistent with every degree
 of advanced years.
—Cicero.

When it rains , it truly pours. That's the old saying, but it's also very true. Do you know what keeps me going in times of despair? During stressful moments of my life when I feel fearful of the unknown future? When my worry levels have reached so high I am afraid I will bust?

No matter how overwhelming your problems, you need have no fear. God will strengthen and help you. He will hold you up and make you adequate for any situation.

I read that in a small pamphlet I have found among my old Guidepost magazines. It had to do with encouragement titled Uplifting Spirits by Norman Vincent Peale. It just spoke to me, because I am known for stressing out and freaking out. Not to mention, a regular worrywart.

I often wonder if I ever will get to that safe place where I am unaffected by things I obviously cannot control. Yet, we stress. We fret. We toss and turn at night worrying at how it will all turn out. Change is so hard and changing habits is even more difficult.

No matter how overwhelming your problems, you need have no fear. God will strengthen and help you. He will hold you up and make you adequate for any situation.

Let that be my motto in life. I copied that saying and posted it throughout my surroundings. One at work by my computer. One at my desk at home. One even in my car. Let it be my constant reminder. Keep repeating until it actually sticks. God is my sanctuary and He controls every situation in life.

Have a blessed day everyone.

Day 70 Of Writing: Overdoing

                                                    Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey. 




A mighty fortress is our God,
A bulwark never failing:
Our helper he amid the flood
Of mortal ills prevailing.
For still our ancient foe
Doth seek to work us woe;
His craft and power are great:
And, armed with cruel hate,
On earth is not his equal.
--Martin Luther.

Well, I did it again, folks. Remember all those plarn balls I made for my homeless mats? I started making homeless mats for a delivery and now my right hand is swollen. I overworked my hand . . . again. This is how my hand ended up hurting in the first place, because last year, I made 24 of these mats in rapid concession. 

I should have known better to space them out like I have been doing. Why oh why, did I think I could repeat the same mistake and that the outcome would be different? It is much better to plarn as I go rather than all at once. 

This is really a pattern of mine. I tend to fill my plate to the brim. I love busyness and this pattern of overdoing has become the norm. I need to learn how to manage what I can realistically complete. My body isn't what it used to be and tends to react negatively when overworked. 

Easier said than done, folks. My right hand has been hurting whenever I tend to crochet too much or the weather turns cold/rainy. I have been doing exercises fro my hand and also been wearing a tight wrap. I have to admit, I'm only doing that when it hurts. I need to be doing this on a regular basis, especially soaking it. 

What I really should be doing is having my GP take a look at it, but I already feel like she will send me to physical therapy. The last thing I want to be doing is heading out to downtown Chicago twice a week. Heck no!

On the flip side, my car is loaded up with boxes and homeless mats! They have to go as soon as possible. This is my favorite part of the entire Ministry . . . watching all the crocheted items being delivered.Love seeing that, it just never seems to get old.

Have a blessed day everyone. 

Day 69 Of Writing: The Room

                                                   Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.





Old things need not be therefore true,
O brother men, nor yet the new;
Ah! still awhile the old thought retain,
And yet consider it again!
We! what do we see? each a space
Of some few yards before his face;
Does that the whole wide plan explain?
Ah, yet consider it again!
Alas! the great world goes its way,
And takes its truth from each new day;
They do not quit, nor can retain,
Far less consider it again.
—Arthur Hugh Clough

My room has been a hot topic of conversation between a favorite co-worker and myself for the entire day! Or at least, my desire to paint it again and do some minor redecorating. Also, some much needed organization.

What kind of color are you planning on using?

Most likely taupes and earth tones.

No, no, no. Think something tranquil and peaceful. This will be where your inspiration will flow for your writing and your creativity in crocheting. Maybe a blue or a grey.

Hmm, tranquil and peaceful. A blue? Maybe that would work. 

She is right, you know. I do need a room like that. Maybe that's what has been missing? Maybe that's why my writing has suffered. Too much clutter. Too much noise. The colors are too loud. So what color did I decide on? Pacific Blue. Can't wait to get started. It will look a mess for about a week while the room undergoes a changeover, but it will be worth it. 

Have a blessed day everyone.  

Day 68 Of Writing: Chivalry Is Death

                                                    Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey



Years rush by us like the wind,
we see not whence the eddy comes,
 nor whitherward it is tending,
 and we seem ourselves to witness
 their flight without a sense that we are changed:
 and yet time is beguiling man of his strength, 
as the winds rob the trees of their foliage.
—Sir Walter Scott

It was early afternoon, Emily and I just came out of Costco with a shopping cart full of two huge boxes. They were having a great deal on desk chairs and we couldn't pass this up. What I didn't expect was for the boxes to be so darn huge and so darn heavy. The car was already filled with two donation boxes of crocheted items and 5 homeless mats.

Eyeing the already cramped car, Emily said in a funny voice: You didn't exactly plan this well. No, I didn't. After several attempts of moving things around, we were able to get everything in stacked like Legos and super snug. 

Do you know what really was funny? The fact that man after man walked past us and not once did any of them offer to help. We struggled, folks. Those boxes were no joke and thank heavens, Emily was there to lift them. We took care of things, as usual, but we would have been happy with the help.

All the way home, Emily just couldn't get over the lack of chivalry. What is going on with men? We can't even blame it on the younger generation, because the older ones were no different. Don't get me wrong, there are the few that do stop and help, but not that day. 

Is chivalry dead? Is it that men don't feel like women need any help, because of the feminist movement that seems to have come to life in the recent years? Are men not being taught how to treat a woman by their parents? 

It doesn't even matter what the general consensus is out there, because I like to be treated like a lady. I like having the door opened for me. I like having a man carry heavy boxes into my car or up the stairs. I definitely don't feel threatened in any way if I am helped by a man. Instead, I feel respected. I'm sure I'm not the only one out there that feels that way. So men, feel free to treat me like a lady.

Have a blessed day everyone. 

Day 67 Of Writing: So Many Blessings!

                                                   Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.                               



O Lord! my best desires fulfil,
And help me to resign
Life, health, and comfort, to Thy will,
And make Thy pleasure mine.
WM. COWPER.

So many blessings have come our way for the Ministry. So many. We have been blessed in finding yarn at very discounted prices. We attended yard sales, thrift stores and clearance sales all in the hopes of stocking up for the upcoming months. We've also received many blessings from donations of yarn from faithful contributors to this Ministry. 

We are approaching our sixth year! So many changes have occurred at each new year and I am sure there will be many other unexpected twists/turns. 

We have grown. When I think about these past five years, I cannot believe we are still here. I knew absolutely nothing about running a Ministry or even where it would lead us. I cannot even take credit for this Ministry. It is all God. I just followed wherever He told me to go. 

Don't get me wrong here, I have made many mistakes and errors in judgment. I am learning as I go. I do not profess myself as the greatest leaders of all. In fact, I believe I am lacking in many areas which I would love to correct. Or I should say, am trying to address now. 

I am hoping that this period of slowness as we take a break for Summer activities and our families, will be a profitable one for me as I gain knowledgeable insights into who Christ wants me to be within this Ministry. I look forward to the next chapter of The Crocheting Ministry Club.

Have a blessed day everyone.