I rest beneath the Almighty's shade,
My griefs expire, my troubles cease;
Thou, Lord, on whom my soul is stayed,
Wilt keep me still in perfect peace.
C. WESLEY.
I've been thinking a lot lately. . . about everything, but especially about my health. My goal has always been to be as independent as possible regardless of my chronic illness. The quality of life matters extremely to me. It is not something that I take lightly. In the past, I have pushed myself to high standards all because of that fact. I never wanted to look or act like a victim.
This last treatment brought out some issues that I needed to address. As time has gone by, these same issues have gotten worse. It's only expected since I have been at this cancer for over ten years now. My body feels worn out and I have to slow down a bit even if I don't want to.
I feel my body deteriorating while I'm at work more than anywhere else. Maybe, because I am on my feet the entire time. It could be also the fact that the parking lot is huge and the walk is long, especially now when we have over a hundred agency everyday. The parking spaces are limited and that means that the majority of us have to park on the other side of the building. An even longer walk.
I've decided to apply for a handicap tag. This isn't easy for me. There is a part of me that is finding this quite difficult to accept. I've always wanted to live my life as normally as possible without coming across as a victim. I may have a chronic illness (cancer), but it doesn't hamper my lifestyle. Or at least, I've always tried for it not to.
The process is not easy, I guess. I've downloaded the form and now have to go to my GP to fill out. I am a little nervous since I'm always told how great I look. I feel as if I will have to defend this action to my GP and to others. I know it sounds silly, but this is how I feel. I'll keep everyone posted on how things go.
Have a blessed day everyone.
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