everyday is a journey.
RESIGNATION
The acceptance of something undesirable but inevitable.
I knew then what He wanted from me. He wanted me to go on ministering to the women here at the clinic. For some reason, I was able to make them feel better by listening or making them laugh or just chatting. I could see that, but it doesn't mean I wanted to do it. I didn't even have to work extra hard at it, it came so easy. Yet, I still wanted time just for me. And it wasn't just here at the clinic, but continue doing what I was doing.
I knew that my resistance had nothing to do with radiation itself. I wasn't resisting or fighting radiation, I was resisting and fighting my calling. I wanted to be selfish and do the things that brought me pleasure that had nothing to do with others. Why couldn't I do that? Just for a little bit?
I had this phrase that I kept by my side throughout my radiation. A phrase that kept me going when I didn't want to get up. I have no idea where I read this or even who said it. Probably Rick Warren, because he has a habit of saying things like this. It went God does His best work in the worst circumstances. That phrase kept me going. That phrase gave me the will to show up at radiation every single day.
God does His best work in the worst circumstances.
As I would drive each day to radiation, I would think about that phrase, especially since I have resigned myself to the inevitable of completing this and going on with my Ministries. I just had to refine them to fit more of me in them instead of more of the volunteers. Volunteers come and go, but the Ministry defines who I am and so does this blog.
Yet, I couldn't help but think that God wanted me to do more. What if I were to turn this phrase around in regards to myself? What if I did my best work during my worst circumstances? I couldn't stop thinking about one of the ladies and what she said to me. She wanted to join a support group, but no one there looked like her. She had all of her hair and she gained weight instead of losing it. She didn't resemble a cancer patient. How could she possibly join when she didn't fit in?
How many more people have felt that way? How many more feel left out and are searching for someone to connect with them? How many more? What does a sickness look like anyway? Does a person have to look defeated physically and health-wise to receive compassion and love? Absolutely not. That's absurd. If we were in a crowded room and we asked for anyone who has an illness to stand up, you'd be surprised how many healthy looking people would do so. A chronic illness does not mean looking sick and frail. There are many people out there who look robust that are dealing with pain and suffering everyday.
To be continued.
Have a blessed day everyone.
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