everyday is a new journey.
RINGING OUT!
Ring this bell
Three times well
It's toll to clearly say
My treatments done
This course is run
And I am on my way!
So what can I say? This last week has been a piece of cake for me. I sang along to K-Love every morning and forgot all about the terrible traffic around me. The thought of finally finishing this horrible experience energized this tired body. I couldn't wait to ring that bell right off it's hinges!
These women that I've met at radiation have changed me both on the outside as well as on the inside. I began this five week journey such a mess! The only thing is, this journey really began on May 4 of this year. I've always said that each bout with cancer taught me something new about myself. Well, this one really brought out the ugly version of myself out into the open. One I didn't even know existed.
Am I cured of all I needed to learn about myself? Am I able to handle radiation again if need be? I cannot say. That truly has been the worst I've ever gone through. I have felt horrible pain these past years. I've gone through several procedures, but none that have had such a mental hold on me as radiation. I'm still in shock to my reaction and the mental block of such depressive behavior on my part. Radiation truly broke me.
As to my Ministry and writing, I don't think I could ever stop no matter how much it may drive me bonkers. I've really prayed on it and I believe I have a solution for making it better for everyone involved. More on that later. I do feel there is something else inside of me in regards to the women I've met there. They have my heart, now I have to do something with it. Something else to pray about.
I wish I could say I'm leaving behind all this personal baggage, but how can I when in order to move forward, I need to examine it from all angles. Who knows, it might become a good friend one day! Once I've resigned myself to my calling, the road seemed a bit easier. God placed me here for a reason. I hope I don't let Him down. We are a mess, but we are loved!
I have to add that during these past five weeks, I've tried on numerous occasions to have a good cry. You know the kind I mean? One where we can sob our little hearts out, but once finished we feel unburdened? Not one single solitary tear would appear. At least, not until I rang that bell. At that moment it took every ounce of strength to hold it together until I reached my car. It was like the floodgates opened up and broke loose the dam! Five long weeks of pent up emotion finally let loose. How liberating!
I am a mess, but I am loved!
Have a blessed day everyone.
No comments:
Post a Comment