P Is For Petscan

In the next few days , I will be taking a Petscan to see if the chemo has been working . This moment is bittersweet for me . In the past , I would await the results with bated breath , hoping to hear those magic words .

You're in remission .

Now , I could care less . It means nothing to me . Even if I am . . . .  how long will it last this time ? Not forever , that's for sure . I have quite accepted my illness .

I try to live my life in a healthy way both physically and spiritually . I try to keep my life as uncluttered as possible , living righteously according to Christ . Although , I do fail from time to time , as we all do .

Yet , the longer time passes , the more I want to keep these special tests to myself . To my family , there always will be hope that a miracle will occur . That maybe , this chemo is particularly strong because you will be cured . All these sores/rashes , all this suffering is the cleansing that is needed for me to be healed .

I still have friends and family who will forever be buying special herbs and magic formulas that are guaranteed to work . There are special prayers sent to Peru and anointed oils from Greece . Long searches on the internet are done for those rare cancer foods that I should be ingesting . A suggestion was made that I should smoke some weed . I wouldn't even know how  or where to buy it .

That's all fine . I understand that I am loved and I appreciate all the effort  made on my behalf . As I prepare for this petscan , I secretly wish  I never told anyone about it . This way , there won't be any uncomfortable questions to answer .

Are you drinking your pomegranate juice ?
Are you eating your beets daily ?
Did you contact those monks in Peru ?
Are you praying regularly ?

In other words , are you doing everything you can ? Yes !
TO BE CONTINUED