Sitting quietly in my apartment , I've been able to think quite alot about myself . You may think that very strange , but on the contrary , I believe we need to think about us from time to time . What are we doing ? Where are we going ? Why are we feeling a certain way ? I believe in self-examination so we can better ourselves .
As this petscan neared , I've found myself ( in the beginning ) almost dreading it . I know that one day I will hear those unwanted words expressing all cancer patients' worst fear . It's not working .
After a long retrospect , I find it means nothing to me any longer . It doesn't change anything , all it does is upset me . Why should I allow this emotion to take over my life ? Why have I allowed it ?!
Which brings me to my next observation . Not only do I become anxious with each test , but so does my family . They question me , I get upset , therefore upsetting them even more . . . .who needs all this aggravation . So I have decided , I won't say anything before hand . Just go , take the test and then mention it afterwards .
I guess , my biggest concern regarding this petscan had to do with all this pain . Since this has been my worst of the three treatments , I didn't want this experience to be for naught . If I'm gonna suffer , let it be for something . That kind of thing . Then I realized that each time I went through cancer , I felt like it was the worst ever . Nobody likes pain , norf does one get used to it .
So here's my story and I'm sticking to it . Have a Blessed day everyone .
My heart so goes out to you, my friend. I have some health tests coming up that are scary to me. I think of you all the time and what you are going through and wonder, in complete honesty, how you do it. I don't believe I could, just to be honest. I know God promises to bring us through whatever He gives us, but, on my own, I know I could not do it. I love you, Lottie. Praying for you and for your beautiful family.
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