Reflections

  As I near the end of my treatment , I reflect on my journey  . It wasn't all bad . There were alot of good things that came out of it .
  For one thing , I was able to clean up my closets , drawers and  all the clutter that one clings to for dear life . All that hoarding I did in my life of things that have no absolute necessity . Just the papers alone filled two large garbage bags . Why ? Why , did I hold on to these things ? Not really sure , maybe for security or a need to feel like I have stuff . Things that are mine and only mine .
   The inner demons we all have , are not extinguished completely , but then , my journey is really not over .It's just one chapter closed while another begins . I did learn  to never stop growing spiritually . Never let me assume the education of my soul is complete .
   Another thing I've learned  is one must prepare  for situations in life . Last time , I stopped planning because I felt my future was uncertain so what is the point . I was holding my breath for almost five years . It's time to exhale and start living again  regardless of what the future brings . I might be back in a few months or not . I do need to prepare for the next time because these insane insurance , disability people cause more red tape than one can bear . Financially , I need to have a little nest egg so I won't stress .
  I also started on goals that I've always wanted to do but was scared or needed a push . Procastination is my 8th deadly sin !
   Basically , I  spent these months trying to clean up the mess of my life .There were alot of tears spent and probably alot more to come . Might even be some tonight .
    In a few days , my last chemo , I'm scared to death because the side effects have taken everything out of me .I'm not sure I can take it . Please pray for me everyone !