Losing Your Hair

                                                                 Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                                 everyday is a journey.



The heart that trusts forever sings,
  And feels as light as it had wings,
  A well of peace within it springs,--
    Come good or ill,
  Whatever to-day, to-morrow brings,
    It is His will.
I. WILLIAMS.

Losing my hair while on chemotherapy was probably one of the most traumatic experiences for me. I never realized just how vain I was until I lost my hair. I guess, it wouldn't be so bad if it was just the hair, but you lose eyebrows, lashes, arm hair, legs, basically everywhere hair grows. You end up looking like a plucked chicken and it totally changes your appearance. Totally.

When I lost my lashes, I think I literally broke down. I've always had such thick lashes, too. Not anymore. I haven't been able to get them back since the first diagnosis of cancer. Cancer robs you of everything, even your lashes. Besides, I didn't want to look like a victim and bald heads do just that. I couldn't hide the fact I had cancer, everyone could see it and know what it represented. Bald heads equal cancer.

I was very fortunate to only lose my hair two of the four times I had cancer. When I did, I tried different techniques with my scarves so I would look stylish. That's what I told myself, but deep down inside I knew it was a vanity thing with me. I was trying to "disguise" the cancer. Somehow, everyone always knew.

I do have to admit that when it finally grew back, it was very luscious, curly and thick. It also changed the color of my hair. It grew back a shade darker each time. I swear my hair was actually a lot lighter before the cancer. I don't even remember anymore and it doesn't really matter, either.

It's funny, because each experience with my cancer brought out something different for me to deal with like the vanity issue. I guess, trials show our true colors that are hiding deep within us. That's why we cannot emerge un-scalded. We cannot be the same Lottie anymore, too much has happened for us to hide away again. I remember distinctly looking in the mirror afterwards and wondering who the heck that woman was staring back at me. I didn't look anything like the old Lottie.

That's okay. Fast forward twelve years and I'm getting to really like the new me so much better than the old one. There are times I forget who I was and what I looked like. Thank goodness for Grace, Love and Forgiveness. I wouldn't be here without them.

Have a blessed day everyone.