If any of you knew me in my life before cancer, you'd know that planning was at the top of my list. I had a plan for the next five, ten, and more years. I actually saw myself in that place I wanted to be.
In 2007, I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer and time stood still for almost a year as recovery took place. As I settled into a comfortable remission stage that lasted almost five years, I became relaxed and all thoughts of cancer retreated. I began making plans and even considered settling down with a certain someone. Don't even think about asking who (lol).
When the re-occurrences happened back to back ( 2nd and 3rd time) I retreated back to my shell of uncertainty. I stopped making plans and lived each day as it came. Maybe a week or two ahead is all I could wrap my head around.
That's how I have been living up to now. Here we are, 8 1/2 yrs. with cancer, three re-occurrences and my mind keeps drifting to the future. I must be insane. All I can think about is living alone, either in a tiny house or Rv. Insane!
Last night, I actually measured the space around me so I could visualize what it would look like with my presence in it. I am consumed with all thoughts to my remaining few years left until retirement. Honestly, I never thought past fifty years of age. Maybe I should start now.
Who cares if any of it comes to fruition. The whole point is in the dream. If we cannot dream or have any hope, there's no point in living. So I'm dreaming no matter what the outcome will be.
Have a Blessed day everyone.
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