Looking Back

I often look back to the past to remind me of who I shall remain to be in the here and now. Sometimes, that path was not an easy one, but somehow we have managed to make a go of it with the Grace of God leading us.

I have always set goals before me as an improvement gauge for my life. We should always be moving forward, but yet, at times we actually move back a few steps . . . or more.

I feel like I have done so, most likely without even being aware of it. What am I measuring this falling back to? Well, my journey with cancer.

Looking back to eight years ago, everything is so different now. So much has changed and it should, but not always for the better. Back then, I was so full of hope for the future. I knew exactly what I should be doing, when I should be doing it and with whom.

All I wanted was to develop close relationships with the people in my life. I wanted our time together to count for something. Sadly, many of these same relationships are gone now. Some of them have passed away: some have moved away and some have fallen apart on bad terms.

So here I am, my cancer has returned numerous times since then. Am I any better for it? Have I really accomplished what I set out to do? Yes and no.

My inner circle with my children has grown and become closer. Yet, my outer family has drifted away, each forming their own circle. Friendships have come, gone and some even came back again. There have been many hurts, accusations and triumphs, but isn't that life?

We all have insecurities that can be re-awakened at any moment, especially when things turn sour. There is certainly a shift of direction on my journey. Where will it take me, I wonder?

Have a Blessed day everyone.