Buggers !

  In the middle of this week , in the middle of my shift at work , I developed nausea and stomache cramps . I felt sick and all I wanted to do is lay down . My deciding to go home suddenly , seemed to scare alot of my co-workers since this is something I normally don't do . Then , of course , there is my medical history .
  For the next day and a half , I never left my bed except to use the bathroom or get a drink . I couldn ' t stand the sight of food and tea was the only thing that I could stomache . I had such bad cramps and nausea that it reminded me of my chemo days . This is how it was after having my treatment . Panicking , my first thoughts were that maybe the cancer came back .
   I can't believe how scared I felt . After all that I have gone through , being scared is something I thought I long buried . This revelation shocked me . How vulnerable of me . All the work I have done regarding this matter came to naught . Maybe , I never conquered this at all .
   After the fear subsided , reason took over . Of course , I wasn't dying . With all the tests that are regularly performed on me , I would know right away if something was wrong or not . Secondly , the last time my cancer came back , I was feeling great and never would have given it a thought . Apparently , I had a stomache flu that was going around at work  and needed to get plenty of rest .
   Finally calming down , I realized what I feared the most . It's not the cancer but the chemo . This last time , the chemo was just plain bad . The side effects awful . I didn't want to go through that again .
  Having this " bug " brought to light some things that I thought I  was done with . Or maybe , dying is something we never get used to , instead just sweep it under the carpet until later . I don't want my cancer to come back for the third time . If I never faced it again , well , I wouldn't miss it .
  Just when you think you got it all worked out , BOOM , you're brought down to earth . I am fine now and if you were at the wedding shower with me yesterday . . . .. . well , you saw how my appetite greatly improved !
    Have a Blessed Week everyone !