Running out this morning to Walgreen's for a desperate need of coffee , I almost tripped over an U.P.S. box by my door . I stopped suddenly . This was an ordinary corrugate box BUT it had hand drawn in crayon a large butterfly , a rabbit , a doggie and a frog . How creative , I thought to myself . Who sent this ? Looking at the address I see it 's from Phil's Friends . Who is that ? Never heard of them . Thinking it was yarn from someone , I dropped it off at home and continued to Walgreen's for my Hill Bros. Silk .
Upon arriving home with coffee in toll , I walk into the kitchen and see Emily standing and smiling up at me . She's been keeping a secret ! Pointing to the box , she tells me to open it up .
Inside , there is a beautiful totebag filled with all sorts of goodies . It's an overnight bag or chemo treatment bag for cancer patients . There was inside ......
a notepad
puzzles
a personal journal
a bible
a book
a pair of socks
a water bottle filled with markers, pens,lip balm,lotion,bracelet
blanket
scarf
a card
a Christian music CD
toothbrush
tissues
coffee
How awesome is that ! I felt like a little kid pulling out one treasure after another . Who did that for me ? A friend of ours who happens to volunteer at this ministry . As I read the letter that came with the package , I found out a little more about Phil's Friends .
Phil is a two-time cancer survivor who started this ministry to be a comfort to others who are going through their struggle . If there is someone out there who is going through cancer and you would like to have Phil's Friends send a package out to them , you can contact them at :
Phil Zielke
Founder & Executive Director
Phil's Friends
info@philsfriends.org
1-224-653-8315
1350 Lake Street
Suite C
Roselle , Il. 60172
www.philsfriends.org
Out of the ashes , something beautiful started to grow . Have a Blessed Week everyone .
Friday, August 31, 2012
Thursday, August 30, 2012
The Elephant In The Room
This is a conversation that should have happened a long time ago . This is very dear to me and I feel like I should be whispering . It's about Linda . I have this connection with her and I get so very emotional regarding her . I feel like Linda is me .
Whatever she experiences , so do I . So when her cancer came back , I knew deep down inside mine would , too . Or at least , I was afraid it would . I was just waiting for the shoe to drop and it did with a loud thump .
When I found out her cancer was spreading and getting worse , I felt like I was next . It's not easy to admit it but I didn't want that to happen to me . I was in despair not just for her but also for myself : In despair of what might happen to me next . I might be the next one to die . Each time , I go to my doctor , I'm expecting to hear it's back . I mean , Linda's hasn't gone away , why should mine ?
I think I have cried a million tears when she told me . . . . for both of us . I cried because it seemed like everything we went through was for naught . I cried because I'm not ready to die . I always thought I was past this , but I guess not . When it comes down to it , we all want to live .
We are linked together , Linda and I . We have experienced things together , alot of it painful , but also beautiful . If anything happened to her , a part of me would die with her . Believe me , this was incredibly hard to admit . It makes me sound selfish , only thinking of myself . For all the bravado I may show in person and on pen , it's all a lie . Deep down inside I'm very scared and I'm not ready to die .
I worry about my children , even though , they are grown . I worry about what their future holds . I won't be here to pick up the pieces . I won't be here to protect them or offer advice .
Mostly , I worry I won't have enough time to do all that I want to do . I feel like time is running out .
Have a Blessed Week everyone .
Whatever she experiences , so do I . So when her cancer came back , I knew deep down inside mine would , too . Or at least , I was afraid it would . I was just waiting for the shoe to drop and it did with a loud thump .
When I found out her cancer was spreading and getting worse , I felt like I was next . It's not easy to admit it but I didn't want that to happen to me . I was in despair not just for her but also for myself : In despair of what might happen to me next . I might be the next one to die . Each time , I go to my doctor , I'm expecting to hear it's back . I mean , Linda's hasn't gone away , why should mine ?
I think I have cried a million tears when she told me . . . . for both of us . I cried because it seemed like everything we went through was for naught . I cried because I'm not ready to die . I always thought I was past this , but I guess not . When it comes down to it , we all want to live .
We are linked together , Linda and I . We have experienced things together , alot of it painful , but also beautiful . If anything happened to her , a part of me would die with her . Believe me , this was incredibly hard to admit . It makes me sound selfish , only thinking of myself . For all the bravado I may show in person and on pen , it's all a lie . Deep down inside I'm very scared and I'm not ready to die .
I worry about my children , even though , they are grown . I worry about what their future holds . I won't be here to pick up the pieces . I won't be here to protect them or offer advice .
Mostly , I worry I won't have enough time to do all that I want to do . I feel like time is running out .
Have a Blessed Week everyone .
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
You've Come A Long Way , Baby
Here I am standing at Best Buy , waiting for someone to assist me . I'm buying a tower for Emily's computer . For one thing , I can't believe I'm doing this on my own . Having spent the majority of my life being afraid of everything , this is quite an accomplishment . Not to mention , running for help to the nearest relative . That was the old me . Or at least , I don't run to them as much .
Of course , this independence was forced on me . I didn't volunteer it on my own . Why should I ? Why would I ? Who doesn't want to be taken cared of ? It's much easier to pass the baton to someone else in time of trouble , isn't it ?
At some point in life , we need to grow up . We need to take charge . We need to do things for ourselves . It was time for me to do for myself . No more running to my family to keep taking care of me . It's scary and I'm still pretty much afraid of failing . How can I expect my own daughter to be independent when I can't be myself .
After the tower was up and running , I reflected on all our accomplishments this year . . . . living alone . I was proud , to say the least . We handled it and we made it through . I'm still scared , but with each accomplishment comes strength and confidence . I still call my family for advice or ask for guidance , but the doing is my own .
Hey , listen to me , all fired up with confidence . Let's see how I am when things fall apart . Whatever happens in the future , I do like my life . I don't love it , but I like it . The loving part will happen when I'm where I should be . For now , this will have to do . Have a Blessed Week everyone .
Of course , this independence was forced on me . I didn't volunteer it on my own . Why should I ? Why would I ? Who doesn't want to be taken cared of ? It's much easier to pass the baton to someone else in time of trouble , isn't it ?
At some point in life , we need to grow up . We need to take charge . We need to do things for ourselves . It was time for me to do for myself . No more running to my family to keep taking care of me . It's scary and I'm still pretty much afraid of failing . How can I expect my own daughter to be independent when I can't be myself .
After the tower was up and running , I reflected on all our accomplishments this year . . . . living alone . I was proud , to say the least . We handled it and we made it through . I'm still scared , but with each accomplishment comes strength and confidence . I still call my family for advice or ask for guidance , but the doing is my own .
Hey , listen to me , all fired up with confidence . Let's see how I am when things fall apart . Whatever happens in the future , I do like my life . I don't love it , but I like it . The loving part will happen when I'm where I should be . For now , this will have to do . Have a Blessed Week everyone .
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Faith
FAITH
1. Little Faith
a. hopes God will do what He says
2. Strong Faith
a. knows that He will
3. Great Faith
a. believes He has already done it
When my niece Carol was pregnant with her first child , she gave birth like two months early . If I'm wrong , she 'll let me know , but I'm pretty sure it was two months . The baby girl weighed in at 4 lbs. and was 14 inches long . After many choices , she decided on Faith because of all this little girl went through to be here . This little girl is something else .
Whenever , I think of Faith , I see a splendid future for her . Not because she is a genius child or has everything handed down to her . All because of her struggle to come into this world . She is a miracle baby . Her mother had alot of faith , therefore , she is Faith .
See the different " faith's " above ? I came across this by accident . This little chart is appropriate for everyone because we all are at different stages with our faith . Where are you on this chart ? I know where I am . I am the strong faith . One day , I hope to be great faith . To me , it doesn't matter what stage you're at , as long as you have a stage .
There is nothing worse than to lose hope or faith because that's what keeps us moving . With faith , I get up every morning , take a deep breath and move on . That's what got me through the chemo the first time and the second time . . . . faith in God .
Faith is very powerful and without it , you won't get very far . I definitely don't want to lose mine . I need it to survive . Have a Blessed Week everyone .
1. Little Faith
a. hopes God will do what He says
2. Strong Faith
a. knows that He will
3. Great Faith
a. believes He has already done it
When my niece Carol was pregnant with her first child , she gave birth like two months early . If I'm wrong , she 'll let me know , but I'm pretty sure it was two months . The baby girl weighed in at 4 lbs. and was 14 inches long . After many choices , she decided on Faith because of all this little girl went through to be here . This little girl is something else .
Whenever , I think of Faith , I see a splendid future for her . Not because she is a genius child or has everything handed down to her . All because of her struggle to come into this world . She is a miracle baby . Her mother had alot of faith , therefore , she is Faith .
See the different " faith's " above ? I came across this by accident . This little chart is appropriate for everyone because we all are at different stages with our faith . Where are you on this chart ? I know where I am . I am the strong faith . One day , I hope to be great faith . To me , it doesn't matter what stage you're at , as long as you have a stage .
There is nothing worse than to lose hope or faith because that's what keeps us moving . With faith , I get up every morning , take a deep breath and move on . That's what got me through the chemo the first time and the second time . . . . faith in God .
Faith is very powerful and without it , you won't get very far . I definitely don't want to lose mine . I need it to survive . Have a Blessed Week everyone .
Monday, August 27, 2012
Just Like Old Times
Having coffee after work with an old boss of mine brought back many happy memories . There are bosses and then there are bosses with whom you become good friends . In all of my years at Avon , I have had two such bosses . There is such a turnover with management by us that you will end up with a new supervisor every two years or so . Sometimes , it's been less . Having a boss that you connect with is a Blessing .
She retired months ago from a different department . It's been a few years since being my boss . So this morning we shared a cup of coffee going over memories from the past . It was a good run and I have missed her . She came with a bag of yarn asking me for an " altar call ". I did quite alot of altar calls for her during our time together and I'll keep doing them for as long as she needs me .
She hasn't changed in appearance . Still wearing the same hairstyle and the same smile . She hasn't changed at all . The same attitude , the same way with words . You think I'm blunt ?
We would sit for hours talking . She was my favorite boss . We connected right away and would sneak away into our secret hideaway so we could have open conversations that no one could hear .
What I liked best about her was that she treated me like an equal . She treated me like an intelligent woman . She didn't bark out orders at me , but would ask my opinion first . She cared what my thoughts were .
So why this blog ? This woman treated me right . That's something that I'm missing at work . It wasn't " do this my way or no way " . We were a team . I felt like a human being . I felt I had a purpose . I felt needed and respected . I want to show her the same respect she gave me .
All things come to an end , but it sure felt great to relive some past moments . Have a Blessed Week everyone .
She retired months ago from a different department . It's been a few years since being my boss . So this morning we shared a cup of coffee going over memories from the past . It was a good run and I have missed her . She came with a bag of yarn asking me for an " altar call ". I did quite alot of altar calls for her during our time together and I'll keep doing them for as long as she needs me .
She hasn't changed in appearance . Still wearing the same hairstyle and the same smile . She hasn't changed at all . The same attitude , the same way with words . You think I'm blunt ?
We would sit for hours talking . She was my favorite boss . We connected right away and would sneak away into our secret hideaway so we could have open conversations that no one could hear .
What I liked best about her was that she treated me like an equal . She treated me like an intelligent woman . She didn't bark out orders at me , but would ask my opinion first . She cared what my thoughts were .
So why this blog ? This woman treated me right . That's something that I'm missing at work . It wasn't " do this my way or no way " . We were a team . I felt like a human being . I felt I had a purpose . I felt needed and respected . I want to show her the same respect she gave me .
All things come to an end , but it sure felt great to relive some past moments . Have a Blessed Week everyone .
Saturday, August 25, 2012
Lockdown !
I'm executing a lockdown . A lockdown in my own house . Who am I locking in ? Myself .
You should know me by now . I take on way more than I can handle and then what happens ? Time runs out on me . I have tried to better organize myself to no avail . I don't know what I'm doing wrong . Any organizational skills I may have had , left me a long time ago . I am forever scrambling around playing catchup . Today , I'm locking myself in so I can catchup and maybe , get ahead on some of these projects .
A friend of mine asked me what my plans were and I told her . She looked perplexed . You know that look ? That look where a person doesn't quite understand the situation . Doesn't know what to make of it . I don't think she knows what a blog is or ministry work . We sometimes forget that not everyone is in our little circle .
Driving home , I thought about that look . She probably thinks I'm crazy . I think I need to let her into my circle . I need to show her what I do . I need to give her access to my blog . I think the reason why I never did had to do with fear . It's much easier to share with fellow Christians but what about non-Christians ? Do I let them in ? Do I expose myself to ridicule ? Or maybe , they may really enjoy it . Or they may not .
It seems that locking myself serves another purpose as well . The purpose of meditation ,solitude and peace of mind . Sunday School will be starting up soon and the schedule will intensify . There will be more lockdowns and more cries of not keeping up .
But for now , I'm punching away at the keys setting up schedules : sending out e-mails : writing letters : crocheting or whatever lands in my direction . A little laundry on the side . I'll let you know how this lockdown goes . Happy Saturday , everyone .
You should know me by now . I take on way more than I can handle and then what happens ? Time runs out on me . I have tried to better organize myself to no avail . I don't know what I'm doing wrong . Any organizational skills I may have had , left me a long time ago . I am forever scrambling around playing catchup . Today , I'm locking myself in so I can catchup and maybe , get ahead on some of these projects .
A friend of mine asked me what my plans were and I told her . She looked perplexed . You know that look ? That look where a person doesn't quite understand the situation . Doesn't know what to make of it . I don't think she knows what a blog is or ministry work . We sometimes forget that not everyone is in our little circle .
Driving home , I thought about that look . She probably thinks I'm crazy . I think I need to let her into my circle . I need to show her what I do . I need to give her access to my blog . I think the reason why I never did had to do with fear . It's much easier to share with fellow Christians but what about non-Christians ? Do I let them in ? Do I expose myself to ridicule ? Or maybe , they may really enjoy it . Or they may not .
It seems that locking myself serves another purpose as well . The purpose of meditation ,solitude and peace of mind . Sunday School will be starting up soon and the schedule will intensify . There will be more lockdowns and more cries of not keeping up .
But for now , I'm punching away at the keys setting up schedules : sending out e-mails : writing letters : crocheting or whatever lands in my direction . A little laundry on the side . I'll let you know how this lockdown goes . Happy Saturday , everyone .
The Reality Of Fakeness
Watching one of my shows proved to be a disappointment to me . It happened again . There cannot be a love story , a marriage or relationship that lasts more than a few years . They always seem to ruin it somehow . Whether by killing one of them off or one of them is the actual murderer . Sometimes , they just die . Then there is the falling out of love , the unfaithfulness , the anger or the circumstances beyond their control that keep them apart .
It seems that the entertainment world is not interested in promoting love , togetherness or the longevity of it . Name a love story where couples actually stayed together , I know I can't think of one . All they want to do is prove the opposite . Love does not conquer all . Love doesn't last . Who wants to fall in love if it requires all of that work ? I know many couples that are happily married for years ! Yes, they worked at their marriage . It wasn't easy , but they stayed together . They didn't fall out of love . They didn't kill each other off . Circumstances beyond their control didn't keep them apart . Somehow , they managed to stay married or in a committed relationship all of these years .
I wish that the industry would show a happy , enduring relationship . I fall in love with my character couples , let them stay in love and together . Stop trying to break all of them up . Sometimes , the best storyline is the one you have . Why not nurture it and let it grow . You won't lose any viewers . You might just gain some .
Have a Blessed Week everyone .
Friday, August 24, 2012
The Daughter Of A King
The minute I stepped inside work , nothing but negative energy engulfed me , swallowing me whole . Walking the packaging floor trying to dodge all the complaints proved to be futile . It was gonna be another one of those nights . When a person is unhappy , they lash out at everything in their path . Last night , I was the path .
I tried . . . . . really tried to let things slide off me but all the unhappiness of everyone else clung to me . People were in a mood , not getting along ; machinery didn't want to operate correctly ; computers froze ; issues all around . Things weren't going well and they were getting worse by the minute .
I felt disappointment . Having agreed to meet an old friend for breakfast the next morning , I wanted to be refreshed and energized . I wanted an easier night but already I could see it wasn't going to happen . Frustration can ruin anyone's mood .
Some days , you just want to curl up under the covers and hide . I knew there was nothing I could say or do to appease these people tonight . A bad night is a bad night and nothing can shake it off . They weren't happy and wanted to be heard . People just want to know someone is hearing them .
Taking a deep breath I kept repeating to myself something what my Pastor once said to me .....
" You are the daughter of a King ."
" You are the daughter of a King ."
No matter what anyone says or does to me , I am a daughter of a King . Nothing can ever change that . You can try to belittle me . You can shower me with verbal abuse . You can mock me , BUT . . . . . .
" I am a daughter of a King ."
I kept looking at the clock , wishing the hands would move faster . Let this miserable night be over quickly . When has my job become just a job ? A paycheck ? Since my return , there has been more and more of these kind of nights . Have I really changed that much ? Has my direction in life changed ? Has it changed for others here , too ?
My fulfillment doesn't come from here any longer . My ministries have become my livelihood . My job has lost it's appeal . When I look around , it all seems pointless , somehow . I feel the draw to run home and do my " work " . I finally realized what I want to be in life . In the meantime . . . . .
" I am the daughter of a King "
I tried . . . . . really tried to let things slide off me but all the unhappiness of everyone else clung to me . People were in a mood , not getting along ; machinery didn't want to operate correctly ; computers froze ; issues all around . Things weren't going well and they were getting worse by the minute .
I felt disappointment . Having agreed to meet an old friend for breakfast the next morning , I wanted to be refreshed and energized . I wanted an easier night but already I could see it wasn't going to happen . Frustration can ruin anyone's mood .
Some days , you just want to curl up under the covers and hide . I knew there was nothing I could say or do to appease these people tonight . A bad night is a bad night and nothing can shake it off . They weren't happy and wanted to be heard . People just want to know someone is hearing them .
Taking a deep breath I kept repeating to myself something what my Pastor once said to me .....
" You are the daughter of a King ."
" You are the daughter of a King ."
No matter what anyone says or does to me , I am a daughter of a King . Nothing can ever change that . You can try to belittle me . You can shower me with verbal abuse . You can mock me , BUT . . . . . .
" I am a daughter of a King ."
I kept looking at the clock , wishing the hands would move faster . Let this miserable night be over quickly . When has my job become just a job ? A paycheck ? Since my return , there has been more and more of these kind of nights . Have I really changed that much ? Has my direction in life changed ? Has it changed for others here , too ?
My fulfillment doesn't come from here any longer . My ministries have become my livelihood . My job has lost it's appeal . When I look around , it all seems pointless , somehow . I feel the draw to run home and do my " work " . I finally realized what I want to be in life . In the meantime . . . . .
" I am the daughter of a King "
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Mourning Of You
I've been mourning the passing of a relationship . A relationship that I never thought would end , yet , here I am feeling the loss . What am I mourning ? I'm mourning what was ; what could have been ; what never will be again .
It hurts when you have to let go of something or someone . Letting go doesn't mean you are angry and will never speak to that person again . It just means accepting what the relationship has become . It means forgiveness . It means learning to love them all over again .
I have no idea what the future holds regarding " this " but I do know that whatever comes out of this will be good for the both of us . Maybe , it will make our relationship stronger , better and richer . I don't want to go back to what was : I want the new version of what will be .
This saddens me tremendously . It has occupied my mind since last weekend . The hurt is huge and the pain very raw . There may not be a future with this person . There may not be a better relationship . They may not be ready for it .
Though now . . . .. . .still trying to understand the why . . . . . the how . . . . the lie .
It hurts when you have to let go of something or someone . Letting go doesn't mean you are angry and will never speak to that person again . It just means accepting what the relationship has become . It means forgiveness . It means learning to love them all over again .
I have no idea what the future holds regarding " this " but I do know that whatever comes out of this will be good for the both of us . Maybe , it will make our relationship stronger , better and richer . I don't want to go back to what was : I want the new version of what will be .
This saddens me tremendously . It has occupied my mind since last weekend . The hurt is huge and the pain very raw . There may not be a future with this person . There may not be a better relationship . They may not be ready for it .
Though now . . . .. . .still trying to understand the why . . . . . the how . . . . the lie .
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Forgiveness
Forgiveness
to excuse for a fault or an offense . To renounce anger or resentment against
Bible definition
to wipe the slate clean , to pardon , to cancel a debt in order for the relationship to be
restored .
When I was in the hospital with my cancer the first time , I had to take these potassium pills .They were huge ! I mean huge ! The nurse would snap the pill in half so I could swallow , otherwise , it wasn't happening . The pill had a bitter aftertaste and it would make me very nauseous . I hated these pills . Sometimes , I would just pretend to take them and as soon as the nurse left , spit them out into the trash .
Forgiveness is alot like that potassium pill . It's very hard to swallow . This is one of the hardest to do as followers of Christ . You can't just say the words , you need to actually mean them . It's as big as that pill and bitter tasting , but you need to swallow it so your soul can get better . Sometimes , we just don't want to be bothered with forgiveness and we spit the person out of our life . That's the easiest way .
I've had quite alot of experience with forgiveness these past few months . Whether it be a family member or close friend , hurt is hurt and forgiveness is hard . The pain doesn't lessen because of either one .
I've read recently , that you shouldn't look at your friends and see how they hurt you ; You should look at them the way God intended them to be . That really resonated with me because we all are flawed . I , too , can hurt others and I'm sure I have .
Having recently been hurt by someone very close to me , I know I have to let this go before it consumes my being . Having said that , now the hard part begins . . . . the healing . . . .. the forgiveness and letting go of the pain .
Do you need to let go of that resentment towards someone and forgive them ? No matter how badly they have hurt us , we have to forgive them . Let's forgive together .
Have a Blessed Week everyone .
to excuse for a fault or an offense . To renounce anger or resentment against
Bible definition
to wipe the slate clean , to pardon , to cancel a debt in order for the relationship to be
restored .
When I was in the hospital with my cancer the first time , I had to take these potassium pills .They were huge ! I mean huge ! The nurse would snap the pill in half so I could swallow , otherwise , it wasn't happening . The pill had a bitter aftertaste and it would make me very nauseous . I hated these pills . Sometimes , I would just pretend to take them and as soon as the nurse left , spit them out into the trash .
Forgiveness is alot like that potassium pill . It's very hard to swallow . This is one of the hardest to do as followers of Christ . You can't just say the words , you need to actually mean them . It's as big as that pill and bitter tasting , but you need to swallow it so your soul can get better . Sometimes , we just don't want to be bothered with forgiveness and we spit the person out of our life . That's the easiest way .
I've had quite alot of experience with forgiveness these past few months . Whether it be a family member or close friend , hurt is hurt and forgiveness is hard . The pain doesn't lessen because of either one .
I've read recently , that you shouldn't look at your friends and see how they hurt you ; You should look at them the way God intended them to be . That really resonated with me because we all are flawed . I , too , can hurt others and I'm sure I have .
Having recently been hurt by someone very close to me , I know I have to let this go before it consumes my being . Having said that , now the hard part begins . . . . the healing . . . .. the forgiveness and letting go of the pain .
Do you need to let go of that resentment towards someone and forgive them ? No matter how badly they have hurt us , we have to forgive them . Let's forgive together .
Have a Blessed Week everyone .
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
In Wonder Of You
After work , I met up with a colleague in the parking lot . Walking to our perspective cars we exchanged pleasantries and caught up on the latest happenings in our lives . Turning to leave , she says to me , " Have a Blessed week , Lottie . I love your blog ."
I'm blown away . Simply blown away . I forget that people actually read this . I'm sure she saw the surprise on my face when she mentioned my blog . I don't think I will ever get used to people acknowledging me in this way .
In writing , I have always expressed my feelings better . It's the speech part that I have a problem with . It's always two hours later that I know what I should have said . I wish I knew what to say to people when they make remarks about my blog . Normally , I just stand there smiling at them like a dummy .
What I'm more surprised about is the support and the encouragement I receive from all of you . Everytime , I may start letting doubts set in , someone will send me an e-mail or letter with an encouraging word . I'm even more surprised that you continue to read .
So I want to thank you all for the continuing support and for reading . If I get too personal at times , it's because I forget that I have an audience . I started this blog for my children and the funny thing is , it's become my lifeline .
As to my " slippers " , I wish you all could see the abundance of yarn sitting in my room . I cannot believe the amount that keeps flowing in daily . If anyone would like to pray for me : pray that I have courage to finish this project . Courage is something I lack .
Have a Blessed Week everyone .
I'm blown away . Simply blown away . I forget that people actually read this . I'm sure she saw the surprise on my face when she mentioned my blog . I don't think I will ever get used to people acknowledging me in this way .
In writing , I have always expressed my feelings better . It's the speech part that I have a problem with . It's always two hours later that I know what I should have said . I wish I knew what to say to people when they make remarks about my blog . Normally , I just stand there smiling at them like a dummy .
What I'm more surprised about is the support and the encouragement I receive from all of you . Everytime , I may start letting doubts set in , someone will send me an e-mail or letter with an encouraging word . I'm even more surprised that you continue to read .
So I want to thank you all for the continuing support and for reading . If I get too personal at times , it's because I forget that I have an audience . I started this blog for my children and the funny thing is , it's become my lifeline .
As to my " slippers " , I wish you all could see the abundance of yarn sitting in my room . I cannot believe the amount that keeps flowing in daily . If anyone would like to pray for me : pray that I have courage to finish this project . Courage is something I lack .
Have a Blessed Week everyone .
Monday, August 20, 2012
Oh , That Doctor Of Mine
Having gotten the results back from my last set of tests , I was disappointed . . .. . again . These tests were for my basics like sugar , cholestrol etc . Not only is my cholestrol a 206 ( 200 and below is great ) but I somehow developed an urinary infection . I haven't had an infection since childbearing years . I use a liner everytime I use the public bathroom . If this is too blunt for you guys , sorry , but I'm upset . Heaven help me .
If it isn't boils , then it's a swollen knee like a balloon . My nails are brittle from the chemo . My thyroid is messed up , yet again . Arthitis in my left leg from knee down to my toes . My eyesight has worsened . Now , I have an infection and my cholestrol is borderline .
I was so angry I could spit . . . .literally . After picking up my meds. from the pharmacy , I stormed about the house , slamming everything in sight .
Eversince , my first round of cancer , I have changed my diet and my way of life . I tried my very best to be healthy , to eat healthy and stay healthy . I drink 96 oz. of water daily . For someone to say that my cholestrol needs to come down . . . . well, smoke is coming out of my ears . I googled to see what I possibly could be eating to cause this . I don't eat meat , I don't fry anything , am not crazy about eggs . It must be the dairy .
My one thing I love is my coffee with cream and sugar . So now I should give that up , too ? At point , I thought of my next appointment with that dreaded female who likes to lecture me. I will not sit there and listen to her give me another lecture because I'm not being honest with her ( or she thinks ) . Yeah , right .
Emily stands there , watching me throw a fit . All my anger switches to my doctor . Emily says , " Mom she just wants to get you healthy . Some people can give up soda and lose 15 lbs . You have to give up everything to get healthy ."
I stood there speechless . Sometimes , that girl just says things . . .. .. Why am I really angry at my doctor ? She's not an evil woman . She really does want me to get healthy . So now , no diary can be added to my long list of " I can'ts " . I will have cream in my coffee , though . I did try for about five days to drink black coffee and folks , Mother Teresa , I'm not .
Two days later , my stomache virus hit . And how was your week ?
If it isn't boils , then it's a swollen knee like a balloon . My nails are brittle from the chemo . My thyroid is messed up , yet again . Arthitis in my left leg from knee down to my toes . My eyesight has worsened . Now , I have an infection and my cholestrol is borderline .
I was so angry I could spit . . . .literally . After picking up my meds. from the pharmacy , I stormed about the house , slamming everything in sight .
Eversince , my first round of cancer , I have changed my diet and my way of life . I tried my very best to be healthy , to eat healthy and stay healthy . I drink 96 oz. of water daily . For someone to say that my cholestrol needs to come down . . . . well, smoke is coming out of my ears . I googled to see what I possibly could be eating to cause this . I don't eat meat , I don't fry anything , am not crazy about eggs . It must be the dairy .
My one thing I love is my coffee with cream and sugar . So now I should give that up , too ? At point , I thought of my next appointment with that dreaded female who likes to lecture me. I will not sit there and listen to her give me another lecture because I'm not being honest with her ( or she thinks ) . Yeah , right .
Emily stands there , watching me throw a fit . All my anger switches to my doctor . Emily says , " Mom she just wants to get you healthy . Some people can give up soda and lose 15 lbs . You have to give up everything to get healthy ."
I stood there speechless . Sometimes , that girl just says things . . .. .. Why am I really angry at my doctor ? She's not an evil woman . She really does want me to get healthy . So now , no diary can be added to my long list of " I can'ts " . I will have cream in my coffee , though . I did try for about five days to drink black coffee and folks , Mother Teresa , I'm not .
Two days later , my stomache virus hit . And how was your week ?
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Buggers !
In the middle of this week , in the middle of my shift at work , I developed nausea and stomache cramps . I felt sick and all I wanted to do is lay down . My deciding to go home suddenly , seemed to scare alot of my co-workers since this is something I normally don't do . Then , of course , there is my medical history .
For the next day and a half , I never left my bed except to use the bathroom or get a drink . I couldn ' t stand the sight of food and tea was the only thing that I could stomache . I had such bad cramps and nausea that it reminded me of my chemo days . This is how it was after having my treatment . Panicking , my first thoughts were that maybe the cancer came back .
I can't believe how scared I felt . After all that I have gone through , being scared is something I thought I long buried . This revelation shocked me . How vulnerable of me . All the work I have done regarding this matter came to naught . Maybe , I never conquered this at all .
After the fear subsided , reason took over . Of course , I wasn't dying . With all the tests that are regularly performed on me , I would know right away if something was wrong or not . Secondly , the last time my cancer came back , I was feeling great and never would have given it a thought . Apparently , I had a stomache flu that was going around at work and needed to get plenty of rest .
Finally calming down , I realized what I feared the most . It's not the cancer but the chemo . This last time , the chemo was just plain bad . The side effects awful . I didn't want to go through that again .
Having this " bug " brought to light some things that I thought I was done with . Or maybe , dying is something we never get used to , instead just sweep it under the carpet until later . I don't want my cancer to come back for the third time . If I never faced it again , well , I wouldn't miss it .
Just when you think you got it all worked out , BOOM , you're brought down to earth . I am fine now and if you were at the wedding shower with me yesterday . . . .. . well , you saw how my appetite greatly improved !
Have a Blessed Week everyone !
For the next day and a half , I never left my bed except to use the bathroom or get a drink . I couldn ' t stand the sight of food and tea was the only thing that I could stomache . I had such bad cramps and nausea that it reminded me of my chemo days . This is how it was after having my treatment . Panicking , my first thoughts were that maybe the cancer came back .
I can't believe how scared I felt . After all that I have gone through , being scared is something I thought I long buried . This revelation shocked me . How vulnerable of me . All the work I have done regarding this matter came to naught . Maybe , I never conquered this at all .
After the fear subsided , reason took over . Of course , I wasn't dying . With all the tests that are regularly performed on me , I would know right away if something was wrong or not . Secondly , the last time my cancer came back , I was feeling great and never would have given it a thought . Apparently , I had a stomache flu that was going around at work and needed to get plenty of rest .
Finally calming down , I realized what I feared the most . It's not the cancer but the chemo . This last time , the chemo was just plain bad . The side effects awful . I didn't want to go through that again .
Having this " bug " brought to light some things that I thought I was done with . Or maybe , dying is something we never get used to , instead just sweep it under the carpet until later . I don't want my cancer to come back for the third time . If I never faced it again , well , I wouldn't miss it .
Just when you think you got it all worked out , BOOM , you're brought down to earth . I am fine now and if you were at the wedding shower with me yesterday . . . .. . well , you saw how my appetite greatly improved !
Have a Blessed Week everyone !
Saturday, August 18, 2012
My Son
I have learned alot from my son . He may be only 27 years old but he has always been more of a friend to me than a son . I miss the relationship we have had while he was growing up . Because I had him so young ( 19 ) it seems we grew up together . He was by my side as my partner . Someone to talk things over when needed . He listened and comforted me when a shoulder was missing . He was there .
I always knew he would leave home and move out of state so there wasn't a problem with letting go . I prepared myself for that a long time ago . What I did miss was the things he would do for me like picking up milk on the way home . He would wash and clean out my car . To this day , I have a hard time doing that myself . My car is filthy . My car is lucky if it gets a washup twice a year .
I remember our mother/son dance at his wedding last year . I remember what he said to me . He said , " Mom . . . . you were the first woman I ever loved but now I have Aubrey ."
Even though , I am very Blessed with a great daughter-in-law , I still miss the quiet alone times that we would have . I miss the things that he and I only would do . Now , he has Aubs to tell his dreams and goals to and that for a mother can be hard at times . Replacement can be difficult even if it is a good replacement . There is a saying that goes .......
" A son is a son until he marries but a daughter is for forever ."
There are benefits to having a grown , married son . He can take YOU out to dinner and pay . He can offer free vacations with the family . There always is a bed waiting at his house for " grandma ."
I can come over for dinner and not have to do the dishes . Yes , benefits .
My having cancer has changed all of our lives especially my childrens . Each time spent is something very special . Something to cherish . I love the relationship that I have with both my children as grownups . It almost erases the teenage years . . . . almost .
Have a Blessed Week everyone .
I always knew he would leave home and move out of state so there wasn't a problem with letting go . I prepared myself for that a long time ago . What I did miss was the things he would do for me like picking up milk on the way home . He would wash and clean out my car . To this day , I have a hard time doing that myself . My car is filthy . My car is lucky if it gets a washup twice a year .
I remember our mother/son dance at his wedding last year . I remember what he said to me . He said , " Mom . . . . you were the first woman I ever loved but now I have Aubrey ."
Even though , I am very Blessed with a great daughter-in-law , I still miss the quiet alone times that we would have . I miss the things that he and I only would do . Now , he has Aubs to tell his dreams and goals to and that for a mother can be hard at times . Replacement can be difficult even if it is a good replacement . There is a saying that goes .......
" A son is a son until he marries but a daughter is for forever ."
There are benefits to having a grown , married son . He can take YOU out to dinner and pay . He can offer free vacations with the family . There always is a bed waiting at his house for " grandma ."
I can come over for dinner and not have to do the dishes . Yes , benefits .
My having cancer has changed all of our lives especially my childrens . Each time spent is something very special . Something to cherish . I love the relationship that I have with both my children as grownups . It almost erases the teenage years . . . . almost .
Have a Blessed Week everyone .
Friday, August 17, 2012
My Daughter
Emily has been the only child of mine that was planned . I remember , how much I wanted another baby . She was my third . A week after her brother , Fonzie , passed away , I found out I was pregnant . I never thought I would have a girl and when she was born , my first words were , " What am I gonna do with a girl ? " Needless to say , that little girl , has been my shadow eversince .
Every mother has a child she spends on her knees praying about . That was my Emily . With a brother who has always been self-sufficient , she grew up in his shadow quite the opposite . We have loved hard , we have fought hard . She may not look like me , yet , she is the image of me . She is the most like me . She mimicks my mannerisms with precision not even aware of the fact that she is doing so .
Even now , as I watch her , I can remember being her age and acting the same . I often wonder if she will make the same mistakes or will she be smarter ? Will she follow the cobblestones of where I walked ? Or make her own path in life for her children to follow .
My cancer has been hard on both my children . They are so much alike yet , very different . Emily , once remarked to me that God will not take me away because He knows how much she still needs me . I hate to disappoint that child but I can die whether she is ready or not .
When that happens , I hope she has someone in her life to help her deal with it better . Her brother has a wife but she has no one . That is my one wish . . . . . that she will find her mate in life before I die .
Our relationship has evolved from parent/child to woman to woman . I love our relationship and I'm looking forward to seeing her go through the many stages of womanhood . I wish I can be around to do so . Have a Blessed Week everyone .
Every mother has a child she spends on her knees praying about . That was my Emily . With a brother who has always been self-sufficient , she grew up in his shadow quite the opposite . We have loved hard , we have fought hard . She may not look like me , yet , she is the image of me . She is the most like me . She mimicks my mannerisms with precision not even aware of the fact that she is doing so .
Even now , as I watch her , I can remember being her age and acting the same . I often wonder if she will make the same mistakes or will she be smarter ? Will she follow the cobblestones of where I walked ? Or make her own path in life for her children to follow .
My cancer has been hard on both my children . They are so much alike yet , very different . Emily , once remarked to me that God will not take me away because He knows how much she still needs me . I hate to disappoint that child but I can die whether she is ready or not .
When that happens , I hope she has someone in her life to help her deal with it better . Her brother has a wife but she has no one . That is my one wish . . . . . that she will find her mate in life before I die .
Our relationship has evolved from parent/child to woman to woman . I love our relationship and I'm looking forward to seeing her go through the many stages of womanhood . I wish I can be around to do so . Have a Blessed Week everyone .
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Avon Calling !
My dear Linda , has taken my advice and is planning a short weekend away with her husband . How wonderful . Trips like these have been a staple in their life . This illness has put a stop to their much needed retreats . What does Linda love to do ? She loves to go fishing ! It's time to take the time and go , regardless of how she feels healthwise . Enjoy your life now . Convincing her took some time . Maybe , just maybe , this is what they both need . A renewal of both Faith and of Spirit .
Since I work for Avon , she has always loved when I would give her a bag of goodies . One of her favorites happens to be face cream . She would run up to me before service and exclaim ," Doesn't my face look years younger ? It's that cream you gave me ."
This past Sunday , when we greeted each other , I gave her a hug . She excitedly told me of her plans for this coming weekend and could I please let her buy a jar of face cream ? I laughed as I kissed her cheek . I told her , " You will never pay for anything I give you ."
Running back to my pew , I already started planning a gift bag for her filled to the brim with all sorts of goodies . If that's what it will take for her to feel good about herself again , then so be it .
Isn't it funny , how something so insignificant to me could change a person's day ? I have different lotions at home sitting on my shelf . I pay no mind to them . I look at them everyday yet they mean no more to me than a paycheck . To Linda , it means quite the opposite . It gives her self-worth , a renewal and confidence . She looks good . She feels good . She is good .
I think we all have that something that really doesn't mean anything to us but to someone else it's everything . What is sitting on your shelf ? What are you willing to share with someone else ? What are you willing to give away ?
Taking my little gift bag , I walk up her stairs and ring the bell . Ding Dong ! Avon calling !
Since I work for Avon , she has always loved when I would give her a bag of goodies . One of her favorites happens to be face cream . She would run up to me before service and exclaim ," Doesn't my face look years younger ? It's that cream you gave me ."
This past Sunday , when we greeted each other , I gave her a hug . She excitedly told me of her plans for this coming weekend and could I please let her buy a jar of face cream ? I laughed as I kissed her cheek . I told her , " You will never pay for anything I give you ."
Running back to my pew , I already started planning a gift bag for her filled to the brim with all sorts of goodies . If that's what it will take for her to feel good about herself again , then so be it .
Isn't it funny , how something so insignificant to me could change a person's day ? I have different lotions at home sitting on my shelf . I pay no mind to them . I look at them everyday yet they mean no more to me than a paycheck . To Linda , it means quite the opposite . It gives her self-worth , a renewal and confidence . She looks good . She feels good . She is good .
I think we all have that something that really doesn't mean anything to us but to someone else it's everything . What is sitting on your shelf ? What are you willing to share with someone else ? What are you willing to give away ?
Taking my little gift bag , I walk up her stairs and ring the bell . Ding Dong ! Avon calling !
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
End Of The Spear
Watching the Christian movie , " End Of The Spear " , gave me very mixed feelings . In the beginning , I really wasn't a fan . There seemed to be so much violence . Violence against each other . The longer I travel on this journey , the harder it is for me to accept all this pain and suffering that we cause to people we love and to people we hate . Why do we hate ? ! It seems so pointless to me . Why ? Why do we do this to each other ?
Not being able to watch all of it in one sitting , I turned it off . On my way to work , with the movie stuck inside my head , I found myself shedding quite a few tears for mankind . If I could change one thing about this world . . . . I would have us love each other . To treat each other with respect and kindness . To end all this violence , brother against brother .
I can watch a scary movie and not be fazed by the gore because it is not real . Show me a true story and I fall apart . To think that someone suffered in this way upsets me . That is one reason why I can't watch the Passion Of Christ . I think it would just about kill me to watch Christ suffer so much .
Emotionally , my defenses have come down alot with each round of cancer . The layers peeling away the wall built around my emotions. That part where you FEEL . Where you FEEL compassion , love and understanding for fellow living and breathing beings . Whether animal or human . If I feel this way with one or two people . . . . . how does God go through this with ALL of US ?! How does He endure what we do to each other . How does He endure our pain , our suffering , our indifference . How does He endure loving but not being loved back . . .
The movie ended beautifully . The violence turned into love and people came to Christ . This particular true story ended well but how many don't ? How many more people have to murder , lie , cheat and destroy what God has made . God not only made the trees or mountains but He also made us . We are destroying what He has created .
My bedroom window is very large and I have beautiful scenery to look out at everyday . There are times it's not always " nice " . Sometimes , I witness people yelling obscenity outside their cars because someone stopped where there was no STOP sign . Or there may be a couple who is fighting with words you can never take back . Or a child arguing with their parent saying words that will haunt them forever .
How do we stop ? The next time you feel anger toward someone . . . just stop .The end of the spear is very sharp .
Not being able to watch all of it in one sitting , I turned it off . On my way to work , with the movie stuck inside my head , I found myself shedding quite a few tears for mankind . If I could change one thing about this world . . . . I would have us love each other . To treat each other with respect and kindness . To end all this violence , brother against brother .
I can watch a scary movie and not be fazed by the gore because it is not real . Show me a true story and I fall apart . To think that someone suffered in this way upsets me . That is one reason why I can't watch the Passion Of Christ . I think it would just about kill me to watch Christ suffer so much .
Emotionally , my defenses have come down alot with each round of cancer . The layers peeling away the wall built around my emotions. That part where you FEEL . Where you FEEL compassion , love and understanding for fellow living and breathing beings . Whether animal or human . If I feel this way with one or two people . . . . . how does God go through this with ALL of US ?! How does He endure what we do to each other . How does He endure our pain , our suffering , our indifference . How does He endure loving but not being loved back . . .
The movie ended beautifully . The violence turned into love and people came to Christ . This particular true story ended well but how many don't ? How many more people have to murder , lie , cheat and destroy what God has made . God not only made the trees or mountains but He also made us . We are destroying what He has created .
My bedroom window is very large and I have beautiful scenery to look out at everyday . There are times it's not always " nice " . Sometimes , I witness people yelling obscenity outside their cars because someone stopped where there was no STOP sign . Or there may be a couple who is fighting with words you can never take back . Or a child arguing with their parent saying words that will haunt them forever .
How do we stop ? The next time you feel anger toward someone . . . just stop .The end of the spear is very sharp .
Monday, August 13, 2012
Team Krol U.S.A.
We love the Olympics around here . Emily in particular . Before they even begin , she has a roster with all the events and their schedules . For two weeks , Team U.S.A. , takes over this house . We have a game that we play during the Olympics . A game where we assign family members to a specific sport . We call ourselves Team Krol U.S.A. !
The roundup's for the 2012 Olympics are .......
Commentary - Jan
our friend with the gift of gab
Judges - Ted
he is the oldest of us three
- Pam
his wife who is a doctor , she can see how visibly healthy they are
- babcia/Mary
our mom , grandmother ... always claiming to be the roots of this family
Cheering Section - Myself
I can't really do anything else . Now if there was an olympics for eating
- Missy
she's preggers and also loves to eat
- Brianna
they don't have a sport for potty training
- Jackie
a teeny weeny doggie , very loud yelper
- Diamond
she sleeps 16 hours a day , no sport for that except the Guinness
Records
- Ashton
he can be a great boo-er especially when he stops being your friend
CYCLING - TOM L.
Women's gold , silver , bronze
I guess Tom did best when dressed in drag because in the Men's , he didn't come close.
Maybe if he was allowed to ride with a glass of wine in his hand .. Back to riding to work only .
SWIMMING/WATER POLO - KATHY
Men's Women's Women's WaterPolo - Gold
8 gold , 5 silver ,3 bronze 8 gold , 3 silver , 3 bronze
Since Tom and Kathy are married , I don't know how he will ever live this down . We
know who wears the pants in this house .
GYMNASTICS - EMILY
Men's all around -bronze Women's - 3 gold , silver , bronze
I better keep my mouth shut since I live with this one .
VOLLEYBALL IN/OUT - CAROL
Women's Indoor -silver Beach - gold , silver
As long as Carol gets to wear a bikini and there's a beach . . . she's good . All that's
missing is a can of beer and all bleeping sounds .
BASKETBALL - TIM
Both Men and Women - gold
Of course , he's my grandson , so he's a winner all around .
BOXING - LUKE
Women's - gold , bronze
All that boxing with his brother did him no good since all he thought about was working on the cars but with the help of Elvis he got the gold
TRACK/FIELD - FAITH
Men's 3 gold , 9 silver , 3 bronze Women's 5 gold , 4 silver , 4 bronze
Since she weighs only 40 lbs . and 10 years old. she blew with the wind .
FIELD HOCKEY - JUSTIN
no medal
Even though he is built for the sport , his heart is as big as the sky ! He is more interested in nature than in blocking someone .
DIVING - ELAINA
1 Gold , 1 silver , 2 bronze
With her father's coaching from below , she beat China . Quite an accomplishment for a 5 year old.
WRESTLING/JUDO/TAEKWONDO - HENRY
2 Golds, 2 bronze/ gold,silver / 2 bronze
Since we were children , he's been jumping out dark hallways and kung fu-ing me so he should exalt in this sport .
TRIATHLON-TAMMY
4th place - I'm really proud of Tammy to get this far , it's quite an accomplishment for a mother of three just to find the time to train .
ANYTHING WITH A BOAT-JOEY
Women's Rowing- gold and bronze
Not sure why we placed him in these sports except he looks good in a boat while fishing but then , if he knows what good for him , he will let his wife bring home all the medals .
TENNIS/BADMINTON/TABLE TENNIS - AUBREY
Women's - 3 gold , Doubles bronze
As usual , the women kicked butt , but then we are not surprised here . In our family , the women wear the pants and the men clip coupons .
ARCHERY/SHOOTING - DESTINY
Men's Archery-silver , Shooting 3 gold , bronze
I still can't believe we gave Destiny a gun or any weapon at all , but , luckily they were blanks and everyone ducked .
FENCING - TOMMY U.
Women's Bronze
Of all the sports , he sure looks the very best in his little fencing outfit and no one can do that stance better than him .
WEIGHTLIFTING - ZOFIA
Women's bronze
This is perfect for my Aunt since I have always known she was a very strong woman .
SOCCOR/HANDBALL- LOGAN
Women's gold
My Godson , so I'm very partial to him as well . He has always been good at sports . Why not ? It's my blood rushing thru his veins .
EQUESTRIAN - HANNAH
6th place
It's not about winning . It's about looking GREAT and she looked FABULOUS ! She got a gold in that category !
THIS CONCLUDES THE TEAM KROL U.S.A. OLYMPICS !! THANKS FOR READING !
The roundup's for the 2012 Olympics are .......
Commentary - Jan
our friend with the gift of gab
Judges - Ted
he is the oldest of us three
- Pam
his wife who is a doctor , she can see how visibly healthy they are
- babcia/Mary
our mom , grandmother ... always claiming to be the roots of this family
Cheering Section - Myself
I can't really do anything else . Now if there was an olympics for eating
- Missy
she's preggers and also loves to eat
- Brianna
they don't have a sport for potty training
- Jackie
a teeny weeny doggie , very loud yelper
- Diamond
she sleeps 16 hours a day , no sport for that except the Guinness
Records
- Ashton
he can be a great boo-er especially when he stops being your friend
CYCLING - TOM L.
Women's gold , silver , bronze
I guess Tom did best when dressed in drag because in the Men's , he didn't come close.
Maybe if he was allowed to ride with a glass of wine in his hand .. Back to riding to work only .
SWIMMING/WATER POLO - KATHY
Men's Women's Women's WaterPolo - Gold
8 gold , 5 silver ,3 bronze 8 gold , 3 silver , 3 bronze
Since Tom and Kathy are married , I don't know how he will ever live this down . We
know who wears the pants in this house .
GYMNASTICS - EMILY
Men's all around -bronze Women's - 3 gold , silver , bronze
I better keep my mouth shut since I live with this one .
VOLLEYBALL IN/OUT - CAROL
Women's Indoor -silver Beach - gold , silver
As long as Carol gets to wear a bikini and there's a beach . . . she's good . All that's
missing is a can of beer and all bleeping sounds .
BASKETBALL - TIM
Both Men and Women - gold
Of course , he's my grandson , so he's a winner all around .
BOXING - LUKE
Women's - gold , bronze
All that boxing with his brother did him no good since all he thought about was working on the cars but with the help of Elvis he got the gold
TRACK/FIELD - FAITH
Men's 3 gold , 9 silver , 3 bronze Women's 5 gold , 4 silver , 4 bronze
Since she weighs only 40 lbs . and 10 years old. she blew with the wind .
FIELD HOCKEY - JUSTIN
no medal
Even though he is built for the sport , his heart is as big as the sky ! He is more interested in nature than in blocking someone .
DIVING - ELAINA
1 Gold , 1 silver , 2 bronze
With her father's coaching from below , she beat China . Quite an accomplishment for a 5 year old.
WRESTLING/JUDO/TAEKWONDO - HENRY
2 Golds, 2 bronze/ gold,silver / 2 bronze
Since we were children , he's been jumping out dark hallways and kung fu-ing me so he should exalt in this sport .
TRIATHLON-TAMMY
4th place - I'm really proud of Tammy to get this far , it's quite an accomplishment for a mother of three just to find the time to train .
ANYTHING WITH A BOAT-JOEY
Women's Rowing- gold and bronze
Not sure why we placed him in these sports except he looks good in a boat while fishing but then , if he knows what good for him , he will let his wife bring home all the medals .
TENNIS/BADMINTON/TABLE TENNIS - AUBREY
Women's - 3 gold , Doubles bronze
As usual , the women kicked butt , but then we are not surprised here . In our family , the women wear the pants and the men clip coupons .
ARCHERY/SHOOTING - DESTINY
Men's Archery-silver , Shooting 3 gold , bronze
I still can't believe we gave Destiny a gun or any weapon at all , but , luckily they were blanks and everyone ducked .
FENCING - TOMMY U.
Women's Bronze
Of all the sports , he sure looks the very best in his little fencing outfit and no one can do that stance better than him .
WEIGHTLIFTING - ZOFIA
Women's bronze
This is perfect for my Aunt since I have always known she was a very strong woman .
SOCCOR/HANDBALL- LOGAN
Women's gold
My Godson , so I'm very partial to him as well . He has always been good at sports . Why not ? It's my blood rushing thru his veins .
EQUESTRIAN - HANNAH
6th place
It's not about winning . It's about looking GREAT and she looked FABULOUS ! She got a gold in that category !
THIS CONCLUDES THE TEAM KROL U.S.A. OLYMPICS !! THANKS FOR READING !
Sunday, August 12, 2012
The Birth Of A Ministry
As the end of summer approaches , I reflect on the goal I set when summer began . Not only was my body tired but so was my spirit . I felt deflated and worn out . I needed a physical and emotional rest . Having spent the early part of the year seeking approval from others , I have finally found my self worth .
God used my son to help me realize my true potential . It all happened with the interview . Looking back , I almost want to laugh out loud now , at how much I didn't want to do it . All the different excuses I gave him for not doing the interview . But God had other plans and the interview was done .
When I first saw what Joey titled my interview , I thought , where did he come up with that ? A Ministry Birthed From Cancer . A strange title , don't you think ? Nothing average about that . I thought about that title for weeks . A ministry . I have a ministry . I , Lottie Krol , started a ministry . This is certainly the biggest thing I've ever done in my life . Nothing even comes close . To think it all came about from an idea .
I have realized that all the approval I was searching for was inside me all along . I don't need anyone to pat me on the back or publicly acknowledge what I do . My satisfaction , my success comes from God . He has given me a talent that I can share with others . He has shown me that I can also makes a difference in someone's life . I don't need to join anyone's ministry to feel important because I have my own . Nothing nor anyone can take that away from me . This ministry is an extension of who I am and how far I have come .
I have many fears concerning this project . There are questions and doubts swirling around my head . What if St. Jude's doesn't want these slippers ? What if all of this is for nothing ? What if people think this is stupid ? What if . . . . ? I voiced my fears to my niece , Kathy , once . Do you know what she said ?
" It doesn't matter . There are charities and organizations all over the world . We'll send them
there ."
For the people who have donated yarn , I thank you from the bottom of my heart . God Bless !
God used my son to help me realize my true potential . It all happened with the interview . Looking back , I almost want to laugh out loud now , at how much I didn't want to do it . All the different excuses I gave him for not doing the interview . But God had other plans and the interview was done .
When I first saw what Joey titled my interview , I thought , where did he come up with that ? A Ministry Birthed From Cancer . A strange title , don't you think ? Nothing average about that . I thought about that title for weeks . A ministry . I have a ministry . I , Lottie Krol , started a ministry . This is certainly the biggest thing I've ever done in my life . Nothing even comes close . To think it all came about from an idea .
I have realized that all the approval I was searching for was inside me all along . I don't need anyone to pat me on the back or publicly acknowledge what I do . My satisfaction , my success comes from God . He has given me a talent that I can share with others . He has shown me that I can also makes a difference in someone's life . I don't need to join anyone's ministry to feel important because I have my own . Nothing nor anyone can take that away from me . This ministry is an extension of who I am and how far I have come .
I have many fears concerning this project . There are questions and doubts swirling around my head . What if St. Jude's doesn't want these slippers ? What if all of this is for nothing ? What if people think this is stupid ? What if . . . . ? I voiced my fears to my niece , Kathy , once . Do you know what she said ?
" It doesn't matter . There are charities and organizations all over the world . We'll send them
there ."
For the people who have donated yarn , I thank you from the bottom of my heart . God Bless !
LOST
Having never seen the show , I finally decided to catch up on what everyone has been talking about these last couple of years . Having some preconceived ideas I was quite surprised at how much I really fell in love with the show . I've always thought the show had a sort of voodoo/black magic attached to it and instantly that put me on guard . So far , the only sign of that is the " black smoke " that I call evil .
What has surprised me is that each person is on a journey . A journey of redemption . Isn't this so true of us ? Aren't we all trying to find ourselves amidst the mess that we have created ? There are many characters from all walks of life . . . . . . from a woman dying of cancer to a woman murderer . Being marooned on an island isn't the only place they are lost . They are lost on the inside .
One of my favorite scenes is that of a Nigerian rebel/drug traffiker , who has killed many of his own people , come face to face with the feared " black smoke " . The Nigerian didn't even flinch as he and the black smoke stared each other down . Why should he ? Evil staring at evil . Of course , the black smoke didn't even attack . Later on , I believe , when he has found God and comes face to face with the Black smoke he is killed .
Yes , there is alot here to learn from and use for teaching . As I watch each episode , I see their struggles . I see the failures and their successes . I see hope . I see a herion addict building a church as he overcomes the demons inside .
The other side of the coin : I see people trying to manipulate , destroy and kill for the sake of their own desires . This is life and the island is a world . I guess it doesn't matter where we are or under what circumstances , there is a road that we travel on searching to be found . . . . to be forgiven . . . . . to be accepted and loved .
I have no idea how this will end . I am only on season two , but , I can say I have changed my opinion of this show which is another lesson in life . Don't judge until you have walked in those shoes . Experience it before you make up your mind about something .
Have a Blessed Week everyone .
What has surprised me is that each person is on a journey . A journey of redemption . Isn't this so true of us ? Aren't we all trying to find ourselves amidst the mess that we have created ? There are many characters from all walks of life . . . . . . from a woman dying of cancer to a woman murderer . Being marooned on an island isn't the only place they are lost . They are lost on the inside .
One of my favorite scenes is that of a Nigerian rebel/drug traffiker , who has killed many of his own people , come face to face with the feared " black smoke " . The Nigerian didn't even flinch as he and the black smoke stared each other down . Why should he ? Evil staring at evil . Of course , the black smoke didn't even attack . Later on , I believe , when he has found God and comes face to face with the Black smoke he is killed .
Yes , there is alot here to learn from and use for teaching . As I watch each episode , I see their struggles . I see the failures and their successes . I see hope . I see a herion addict building a church as he overcomes the demons inside .
The other side of the coin : I see people trying to manipulate , destroy and kill for the sake of their own desires . This is life and the island is a world . I guess it doesn't matter where we are or under what circumstances , there is a road that we travel on searching to be found . . . . to be forgiven . . . . . to be accepted and loved .
I have no idea how this will end . I am only on season two , but , I can say I have changed my opinion of this show which is another lesson in life . Don't judge until you have walked in those shoes . Experience it before you make up your mind about something .
Have a Blessed Week everyone .
Saturday, August 11, 2012
Everyone Serves A Purpose
I have many friends but none of them are my close , close friends where I share all my personal details of my life . No one truly knows everything about me . Each friend is a part of my life in a certain way . And that's the way I like it .
I don't believe in " tell all " sessions with fellow female bonding moments . There are things you just leave between God and you . Secrets with others have no place in the real world .
With the friendships I have , I am truly Blessed . They come in many different forms and from many different places . I like the diversity of my friendships .
Each friend has an unique gift that they share with me . Whether it is a love of sight-seeing and touring Illinois or just plain chit chatter at work . There are friends who will always make me laugh . Then there are those good for a cry when needed . I share something different with each one .
Since none of them are my true blue girl , in whom do I confide in ? My daughter . Of all the women in my life , my girl happens to be my daughter . She is the only one who knows everything intimate about me . Our relationship has evolved from parent/child to woman to woman .
I find that my friends take on roles in my life that only they alone can fill . I believe that's true of everyone . We go to specific people for specific things . This is why the friends we choose fulfill a certain purpose in our lives . If I'm a negative person I have at least one friend who is always positive . When I need help with my car , I don't go to a friend who is a baker .
What about our emotional needs ? Our mental state ? Where or with whom can I have a soul satisfying friendship ? When I honestly think back to the times I needed someone , I always reached out to one friend . I reached out to God .
When we exist in a world where relationships are needed to co-exist , it is a comfort to know that there is one friend I can always turn to . . . . Jesus . He is all my friends in one . Have a Blessed Week everyone .
I don't believe in " tell all " sessions with fellow female bonding moments . There are things you just leave between God and you . Secrets with others have no place in the real world .
With the friendships I have , I am truly Blessed . They come in many different forms and from many different places . I like the diversity of my friendships .
Each friend has an unique gift that they share with me . Whether it is a love of sight-seeing and touring Illinois or just plain chit chatter at work . There are friends who will always make me laugh . Then there are those good for a cry when needed . I share something different with each one .
Since none of them are my true blue girl , in whom do I confide in ? My daughter . Of all the women in my life , my girl happens to be my daughter . She is the only one who knows everything intimate about me . Our relationship has evolved from parent/child to woman to woman .
I find that my friends take on roles in my life that only they alone can fill . I believe that's true of everyone . We go to specific people for specific things . This is why the friends we choose fulfill a certain purpose in our lives . If I'm a negative person I have at least one friend who is always positive . When I need help with my car , I don't go to a friend who is a baker .
What about our emotional needs ? Our mental state ? Where or with whom can I have a soul satisfying friendship ? When I honestly think back to the times I needed someone , I always reached out to one friend . I reached out to God .
When we exist in a world where relationships are needed to co-exist , it is a comfort to know that there is one friend I can always turn to . . . . Jesus . He is all my friends in one . Have a Blessed Week everyone .
Friday, August 10, 2012
What If. . ..
Watching the Olympics has become our life around here . Keeping up with the daily events , it warms my heart to see the positive comments on Twitter coming from the athletes quoting scriptures . There couldn't be better role models to encourage our youth .
With the positive always comes the negative . For every role model out there , there is always someone who wants to bring them down . To diminish all the work they have done on themselves . To diminish their Faith in themselves and in God .
Reading one such article and all the negative comments posted by readers brought my blood to a boil . Quickly , my fingers reached toward the keyboard with a hot comment of my own . Anger running through my body , I'm disappointed in not being able to post it . You have to be a member to do so . I refuse to be part of such a rag .
As quickly as the anger came , just as fast did it disappear . Filled with remorse at my own behavior , I find that this is not the way . You don't fight ignorance with anger , you fight it with knowledge .
As I re-read all the comments regarding God , I was disappointed and disheartened . People have very misguided , uninformative and ignorant view of the Bible and of God . They just plain don't know . My first thought ? Who were the people who gave these people their views . Was it the Priests ? The teachers in Sunday School ? Or was it us Christians ?
In a way . it really doesn't matter now . What does matter is that we have to change their mind .We have to prove them wrong .
I used to work with an atheist who constantly went out of his way to make me his target . If I left inspirational verses on my desk , he would write obscene comments on them . I would avoid him like the plague .
Now looking back , I see things differently . I believe , my very presence unnerved HIM . I made HIM uncomfortable because deep down inside he knew . . . . . he feared . . . . that he could be wrong . That's the " what if " part . What if he is wrong ? What if there is a God ? What then ? He wasn't fighting me , he was fighting his very core . . . . . the core that God gave him . A core we are born with . I learned that from a fellow Women's Group member . I believe she is right .
That knowledge brought some comfort to me and it should bring some to you , too . There is hope and may we never lose that hope . Have a Blessed Week everyone .
With the positive always comes the negative . For every role model out there , there is always someone who wants to bring them down . To diminish all the work they have done on themselves . To diminish their Faith in themselves and in God .
Reading one such article and all the negative comments posted by readers brought my blood to a boil . Quickly , my fingers reached toward the keyboard with a hot comment of my own . Anger running through my body , I'm disappointed in not being able to post it . You have to be a member to do so . I refuse to be part of such a rag .
As quickly as the anger came , just as fast did it disappear . Filled with remorse at my own behavior , I find that this is not the way . You don't fight ignorance with anger , you fight it with knowledge .
As I re-read all the comments regarding God , I was disappointed and disheartened . People have very misguided , uninformative and ignorant view of the Bible and of God . They just plain don't know . My first thought ? Who were the people who gave these people their views . Was it the Priests ? The teachers in Sunday School ? Or was it us Christians ?
In a way . it really doesn't matter now . What does matter is that we have to change their mind .We have to prove them wrong .
I used to work with an atheist who constantly went out of his way to make me his target . If I left inspirational verses on my desk , he would write obscene comments on them . I would avoid him like the plague .
Now looking back , I see things differently . I believe , my very presence unnerved HIM . I made HIM uncomfortable because deep down inside he knew . . . . . he feared . . . . that he could be wrong . That's the " what if " part . What if he is wrong ? What if there is a God ? What then ? He wasn't fighting me , he was fighting his very core . . . . . the core that God gave him . A core we are born with . I learned that from a fellow Women's Group member . I believe she is right .
That knowledge brought some comfort to me and it should bring some to you , too . There is hope and may we never lose that hope . Have a Blessed Week everyone .
Thursday, August 9, 2012
A Poem
I Remember
by: Thomas Hood
I remember
the house where I was born
the little window where the sun
came peeping in atmorn
he never came a wink too soon
nor brought too long a day
but now
I often wish the night
had borne my breath away
I remember
the roses
red and white
the violets and the lilycups
those flowers made of light
the lilacs where the robin built
and where my brother set
the laburnum on his birthday
the tree is living yet
I remember
where I was used to swing
and thought the air must rush as fresh
to swallows on the wing
my spirit flew in feathers then
that is so heavy now
the summer pools could hardly
cool the fever on my brow
I remember
the fir trees dark and high
I used to think their slendor tops
were close against the sky
it was a childish ignorance
but now tis little joy
to know I'm farther off from heaven
than when I was a boy
by: Thomas Hood
I remember
the house where I was born
the little window where the sun
came peeping in atmorn
he never came a wink too soon
nor brought too long a day
but now
I often wish the night
had borne my breath away
I remember
the roses
red and white
the violets and the lilycups
those flowers made of light
the lilacs where the robin built
and where my brother set
the laburnum on his birthday
the tree is living yet
I remember
where I was used to swing
and thought the air must rush as fresh
to swallows on the wing
my spirit flew in feathers then
that is so heavy now
the summer pools could hardly
cool the fever on my brow
I remember
the fir trees dark and high
I used to think their slendor tops
were close against the sky
it was a childish ignorance
but now tis little joy
to know I'm farther off from heaven
than when I was a boy
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
A Food Diary
Guess where I spent the day ? Yep , you guessed it ! The doctor's . That's my favorite hangout . I was seeing a Primary Care doctor for the first time in 5 years . She gave me a complete physical from the top of my head to the tip of my toes . Sent me for lab tests , gave me a shot and handed me a cup for a sample . Yes , no part of me was left untouched .
Why all this ? Well , just checking that there have been no side effects from my chemo treatment . I walked out of there with three more appointments to add to my list of others . An appointment to an eye doctor there in the hospital , a return visit to her and a mammogram .
Tests were not the only thing she did . I also got a lecture about my weight . I sat there and I took the lecture about not drinking soda ( soda ? What is that ? ) and eating donuts ( I can't even remember what year it was when I had a donut last ). The entire time she was speaking , my eyes kept reverting to her belly . I thought she was pregnant at least 6 months . Later , finding out she wasn ' t . Obviously , her own advice wasn't working for her either .
Driving home , all I could think about was when in 8th grade , Joey had another bad report card and his very young teacher was giving me tips on how I can help improve his grades . I stared at that teacher just the same way I stared at my doctor . Little did she know just how much time and energy was given by me in helping this BOY ! But I listened and took it , then I went home and gave him hell .
My doctor asked me to bring with me the next time I saw her ( in 6 weeks ) a food diary of three days and ( she says ) I shouldn't lie but tell the truth . She honestly thinks I'm sneaking donuts and chocolates and that's why I'm fat . I'm gonna give her more than three days . . . . . I'm going to give her a whole diary from today on . Maybe , she is right and I will see my bad habits . Maybe , this will help me lose weight .
In the meantime . . . . . .Have a Blessed Week everyone !
Why all this ? Well , just checking that there have been no side effects from my chemo treatment . I walked out of there with three more appointments to add to my list of others . An appointment to an eye doctor there in the hospital , a return visit to her and a mammogram .
Tests were not the only thing she did . I also got a lecture about my weight . I sat there and I took the lecture about not drinking soda ( soda ? What is that ? ) and eating donuts ( I can't even remember what year it was when I had a donut last ). The entire time she was speaking , my eyes kept reverting to her belly . I thought she was pregnant at least 6 months . Later , finding out she wasn ' t . Obviously , her own advice wasn't working for her either .
Driving home , all I could think about was when in 8th grade , Joey had another bad report card and his very young teacher was giving me tips on how I can help improve his grades . I stared at that teacher just the same way I stared at my doctor . Little did she know just how much time and energy was given by me in helping this BOY ! But I listened and took it , then I went home and gave him hell .
My doctor asked me to bring with me the next time I saw her ( in 6 weeks ) a food diary of three days and ( she says ) I shouldn't lie but tell the truth . She honestly thinks I'm sneaking donuts and chocolates and that's why I'm fat . I'm gonna give her more than three days . . . . . I'm going to give her a whole diary from today on . Maybe , she is right and I will see my bad habits . Maybe , this will help me lose weight .
In the meantime . . . . . .Have a Blessed Week everyone !
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
The Big Book
Children naturally get excited about things , so when I found a big book on Noah's Ark , I couldn't wait to use it in Sunday School . As soon as I whipped out the big book ( as big as some of them ) their eyes became huge . They couldn't wait to see what was inside . Their excitement was very obvious .
I needed to see that excitement . Needed to feel that I was a good teacher . That I was actually teaching these children something .
I have a friend at work who loves to sing in church as part of the worship team . During the last service , as she was singing , one of her co-singers took the microphone from her hand . Apparently , they didn't like the sound that was coming out of her mouth . She , on the other hand , thinks she is a wonderful singer and couldn't understand why they did that .
Maybe , that was me . Maybe , I thought I was a good sunday school teacher but in reality , it's not my calling . Doubts like these were filling my head lately . Maybe , I'm just a glorified babysitter .
As Sunday approached , I took great care in preparing the lesson . Made notes and went over them in my mind during the week .
When the day came , I sent my helper upstairs . I wanted to be alone with them . I wanted to have their attention . All fifteen of them . Things went well and I felt re-affirmed .
There are times when doubts set in and we need encouragement . We need to feel we are accomplishing our goals . We need to feel that what we are doing is actually worthwhile and fruitful .
Our Pastor says that we are planting seeds. Seeds that we won't be able to see until years from now .
Have a Blessed Week everyone and plant a seed .
I needed to see that excitement . Needed to feel that I was a good teacher . That I was actually teaching these children something .
I have a friend at work who loves to sing in church as part of the worship team . During the last service , as she was singing , one of her co-singers took the microphone from her hand . Apparently , they didn't like the sound that was coming out of her mouth . She , on the other hand , thinks she is a wonderful singer and couldn't understand why they did that .
Maybe , that was me . Maybe , I thought I was a good sunday school teacher but in reality , it's not my calling . Doubts like these were filling my head lately . Maybe , I'm just a glorified babysitter .
As Sunday approached , I took great care in preparing the lesson . Made notes and went over them in my mind during the week .
When the day came , I sent my helper upstairs . I wanted to be alone with them . I wanted to have their attention . All fifteen of them . Things went well and I felt re-affirmed .
There are times when doubts set in and we need encouragement . We need to feel we are accomplishing our goals . We need to feel that what we are doing is actually worthwhile and fruitful .
Our Pastor says that we are planting seeds. Seeds that we won't be able to see until years from now .
Have a Blessed Week everyone and plant a seed .
Monday, August 6, 2012
Jack Of All Trades
WARNING !
TODAY'S BLOG IS PRETTY BLUNT . I'M NOT HOLDING BACK .
Master of none . That's me . But aren't we all ? We are involved in so many things that I wonder how we can perfect a talent . To be really great at any one thing , you need to love it , spend time with it and nurture it to fruitation . We need to nourish it with our whole being , not just with a piece of it .
I'm in awe of people who volunteer for everything and I mean everything . They have a real NEED to be part of it ALL . Why ? Is this how they feel valued ? Accepted ? Successful ? How can they be productive in all of the things ? How do they find the time to do it all ? Eventually , something will have to give . That something is called burnout .
Serving isn't about being involved in everything but GIVING my everything in whatever my ministry . If I'm a sunday school teacher , let me be the best teacher I can be .
It's not just with serving . We get so wrapped up in our hobbies , our games , our friendships that these things become our ALL in our life .
I have friends who , everyday after work , have an activity or event that they need to be at . We are just filling in all the gaps in our life with everything we can get our hands on . For some of us , if we fill it with church activities it's okay because it's church . So let's sign up for everything under the sun at church . Won't we be Holy , then ?
I'm not attacking anyone personally here . I'm just as guilty as the rest . I constantly have to remind myself to just STOP and SIT for awhile . Won't you stop and sit with me ?
TODAY'S BLOG IS PRETTY BLUNT . I'M NOT HOLDING BACK .
Master of none . That's me . But aren't we all ? We are involved in so many things that I wonder how we can perfect a talent . To be really great at any one thing , you need to love it , spend time with it and nurture it to fruitation . We need to nourish it with our whole being , not just with a piece of it .
I'm in awe of people who volunteer for everything and I mean everything . They have a real NEED to be part of it ALL . Why ? Is this how they feel valued ? Accepted ? Successful ? How can they be productive in all of the things ? How do they find the time to do it all ? Eventually , something will have to give . That something is called burnout .
Serving isn't about being involved in everything but GIVING my everything in whatever my ministry . If I'm a sunday school teacher , let me be the best teacher I can be .
It's not just with serving . We get so wrapped up in our hobbies , our games , our friendships that these things become our ALL in our life .
I have friends who , everyday after work , have an activity or event that they need to be at . We are just filling in all the gaps in our life with everything we can get our hands on . For some of us , if we fill it with church activities it's okay because it's church . So let's sign up for everything under the sun at church . Won't we be Holy , then ?
I'm not attacking anyone personally here . I'm just as guilty as the rest . I constantly have to remind myself to just STOP and SIT for awhile . Won't you stop and sit with me ?
Sunday, August 5, 2012
Unapproachable Me
I just found out something about myself . Something I need to work on . The person who brought this to my attention thinks they might have hurt my feelings . On the contrary . I'm glad they did . How else am I to improve ? Actually , it's not something new for me to hear . I always knew I have the air of unapproachability . An aloofness , a sarcastic humor that people at first meeting have a hard time to figure out . Do I mean it or do I not ?
Even at work , I have kept myself distant . This is work , I would tell myself . No one ever seen the personable me . It's as if I was two people . The one at work and the one at home . Never did the two collide .
Since the cancer in 2007 , I have changed quite a bit or at least I have been told so by my co-workers . They have noticed the difference in my demeanor . Going through it the second time , I believe , has changed me even more .
Having thought I had come full circle with becoming more approachable , it caught me off guard to hear that my bluntness makes people uncomfortable when they first meet me . That is the last thing I want people to feel when they are around me .
How do I change ? How do I make newcomers feel welcomed ? I really want to change that about myself . Unlike others , I have no problem accepting and seeing the truth .The whole point to me is about living life better .One way to do that is to work on oneself .
Does that mean that starting tomorrow I will be a different person ? No , because it will take alot of work on my side . It might take months , but I know in the end , the new improved me will come shining through . Have a Blessed Week everyone .
Even at work , I have kept myself distant . This is work , I would tell myself . No one ever seen the personable me . It's as if I was two people . The one at work and the one at home . Never did the two collide .
Since the cancer in 2007 , I have changed quite a bit or at least I have been told so by my co-workers . They have noticed the difference in my demeanor . Going through it the second time , I believe , has changed me even more .
Having thought I had come full circle with becoming more approachable , it caught me off guard to hear that my bluntness makes people uncomfortable when they first meet me . That is the last thing I want people to feel when they are around me .
How do I change ? How do I make newcomers feel welcomed ? I really want to change that about myself . Unlike others , I have no problem accepting and seeing the truth .The whole point to me is about living life better .One way to do that is to work on oneself .
Does that mean that starting tomorrow I will be a different person ? No , because it will take alot of work on my side . It might take months , but I know in the end , the new improved me will come shining through . Have a Blessed Week everyone .
Saturday, August 4, 2012
Let's Talk
Waking up and glancing at the clock , 1:45 p.m. , I grimaced and then I groaned . Don't feel like getting up but another fast-paced Saturday ahead . Lately , it hasn't been just Saturdays but everyday .
I have no small children to take care of , yet , my schedule fills up and time evaporates . Another day gone before it starts . I keep telling myself that organization is the key but I never quite get there . When that doesn't work , I blame it on my thyroid acting up . Maybe , I haven't fully recovered from my bout with cancer .
Whatever it may be , the fact remains that I'm tired . I'm overworked and I'm tired . Friday night at work , I tell my friend just how tired I have been and how there aren't enough hours in one day . She says to me , " Tired from what ? What have you been doing ? You have no small children . "
I just froze . I have never been good at talking about myself . There are people out there that everyone knows about . Everyone knows their name . They make sure of it . We know everything they have done , said and thought whether we want to hear it or not . I am not one of these people . I find it difficult to accept compliments or talk about " me " .
So I stood there and didn't say anything for quite awhile . What will this woman think of me if I told her ? Would she think I am boastful ? Or will she be able to see my sincerity ? Will she laugh at me and call me a Jesus freak ? Then something stirred inside me to let her know the things I've been doing outside of work . Let her know the real me not just the work Lottie .
I told her about the Childrens Ministry , the Crisis Center , the Nursing home . I shared with her this very blog . I told her about my cancer . . . . the first time . . . . . the second time . I spoke to her about my goal for St . Jude's . I spoke about the now . I spoke about me and who I have become .
I haven't really shared any of these things face to face with another person . It's much easier to write about them . No one can see my expressions and I don't see theirs . When I was done , she looked at me and thanked me for making her day . That now , no matter how bad her day was earlier , she can go home smiling .
It seems that speaking of my activities placed a warm glow inside her heart . It inspired her . It gave her hope . It made her have the desire to go out and do the same .
As this Saturday ends , I'm still up working on my lesson for Sunday School . The list of things to be done really hasn't gotten smaller . But I don't regret any of these things . I believe they serve a purpose . What we do is significant to someone out there , even if it is just one person .
Have a Blessed Week everyone .
I have no small children to take care of , yet , my schedule fills up and time evaporates . Another day gone before it starts . I keep telling myself that organization is the key but I never quite get there . When that doesn't work , I blame it on my thyroid acting up . Maybe , I haven't fully recovered from my bout with cancer .
Whatever it may be , the fact remains that I'm tired . I'm overworked and I'm tired . Friday night at work , I tell my friend just how tired I have been and how there aren't enough hours in one day . She says to me , " Tired from what ? What have you been doing ? You have no small children . "
I just froze . I have never been good at talking about myself . There are people out there that everyone knows about . Everyone knows their name . They make sure of it . We know everything they have done , said and thought whether we want to hear it or not . I am not one of these people . I find it difficult to accept compliments or talk about " me " .
So I stood there and didn't say anything for quite awhile . What will this woman think of me if I told her ? Would she think I am boastful ? Or will she be able to see my sincerity ? Will she laugh at me and call me a Jesus freak ? Then something stirred inside me to let her know the things I've been doing outside of work . Let her know the real me not just the work Lottie .
I told her about the Childrens Ministry , the Crisis Center , the Nursing home . I shared with her this very blog . I told her about my cancer . . . . the first time . . . . . the second time . I spoke to her about my goal for St . Jude's . I spoke about the now . I spoke about me and who I have become .
I haven't really shared any of these things face to face with another person . It's much easier to write about them . No one can see my expressions and I don't see theirs . When I was done , she looked at me and thanked me for making her day . That now , no matter how bad her day was earlier , she can go home smiling .
It seems that speaking of my activities placed a warm glow inside her heart . It inspired her . It gave her hope . It made her have the desire to go out and do the same .
As this Saturday ends , I'm still up working on my lesson for Sunday School . The list of things to be done really hasn't gotten smaller . But I don't regret any of these things . I believe they serve a purpose . What we do is significant to someone out there , even if it is just one person .
Have a Blessed Week everyone .
Friday, August 3, 2012
The New Generation
I have never been exposed to the differences between the ages as I have now . These adult kids are super-computerized , super-technical , super-cellphoned and just plain super . The new generation of young people can do all things with just a touch of the finger . Keeping up is not even in the forecast for me .
Their ways are definitely not my ways . While they are off in the fast lane , I'm struggling behind with my old fliptop cellphone , 1998 Durango and old screen computer monitor . An Iphone , an Ipad, a Kindle , Smartphone and Pandora are as foreign to me as a street in Lebanon . I've heard of these things but to operate ? I've just learned how to clean out my cookies and I have to do that with step by step instructions written down by my son .
You ever want to feel the differences in ages ? Observe how an older person and a twenty-something handle the same situation . When my car was in need of repair , the first thing I did was look for my yellow pages . Seriously . I searched the apartment wondering where the heck I placed it last . While I'm still muttering under my breath , the twenty-something already has found at least 10 places in the neighborhood , has a quote and is setting up an appointment . I can only stand in wonder .
Will I ever come into this century ? Probably not , but then I really don't want to . I like reading from a real book . I like the idea of holding a book , turning pages , as I admire the craftsmanship of a hardcover .
I like sending and receiving mail such as Get Well cards and Birthday cards . I like to write letters . They are so much more personal and caring then any e-mail . But then , it is a gesture of love and respect .
While technology is a wonderful thing , it can also hurt us as we let it rule our life . Listen to me talking . The one invention I just love ? I love the computer . I love e-mails and facebook . Take that away from me and sees what happens . I can walk away from it for a day or two . The third day withdrawal sets in and its not pretty .
I find that I don't need all these techno things . I'm quite happy in my skin doing what I want . I guess , I've become just plain old . Playing card or board games with my grandkids is more fun than all these Xbox games . At least , I can participate in them .
So , for all you others that are so super techno , well good for you but I'm happy being me . Have a Blessed Week everyone .
Their ways are definitely not my ways . While they are off in the fast lane , I'm struggling behind with my old fliptop cellphone , 1998 Durango and old screen computer monitor . An Iphone , an Ipad, a Kindle , Smartphone and Pandora are as foreign to me as a street in Lebanon . I've heard of these things but to operate ? I've just learned how to clean out my cookies and I have to do that with step by step instructions written down by my son .
You ever want to feel the differences in ages ? Observe how an older person and a twenty-something handle the same situation . When my car was in need of repair , the first thing I did was look for my yellow pages . Seriously . I searched the apartment wondering where the heck I placed it last . While I'm still muttering under my breath , the twenty-something already has found at least 10 places in the neighborhood , has a quote and is setting up an appointment . I can only stand in wonder .
Will I ever come into this century ? Probably not , but then I really don't want to . I like reading from a real book . I like the idea of holding a book , turning pages , as I admire the craftsmanship of a hardcover .
I like sending and receiving mail such as Get Well cards and Birthday cards . I like to write letters . They are so much more personal and caring then any e-mail . But then , it is a gesture of love and respect .
While technology is a wonderful thing , it can also hurt us as we let it rule our life . Listen to me talking . The one invention I just love ? I love the computer . I love e-mails and facebook . Take that away from me and sees what happens . I can walk away from it for a day or two . The third day withdrawal sets in and its not pretty .
I find that I don't need all these techno things . I'm quite happy in my skin doing what I want . I guess , I've become just plain old . Playing card or board games with my grandkids is more fun than all these Xbox games . At least , I can participate in them .
So , for all you others that are so super techno , well good for you but I'm happy being me . Have a Blessed Week everyone .
Thursday, August 2, 2012
Wishes Fulfilled
Reading over " My Bucket List " , I realize how happy I really am . Do I need to accomplish all those things to be happy ? No , not really , because the one wish I really , really wanted I already have . I have my grandchildren .
I didn't just want to become a grandma , I wanted a relationship with that grandchild . Since my cancer came back the second time , I felt my time was limited . Becoming a grandma is not a problem . Babies are born all the time . Building a relationship with that child is another story . For that child to remember me , I have to spend quite a few years here on earth .
At that time , I felt I would never experience fully being a grandma . Then God Blessed me with a daughter-in-law with children . With these children , I have developed a relationship . I have fallen in love with them .
Since my Joe is a newlywed , people ask me when will there be the sound of pitter patter in their home . I always reply , there already is that sound in their home . Another line is " I bet you can't wait to become a grandma " and I reply " I already am a grandma " .
As far as I'm concerned , my wish is fullfilled and I am content with the two I have . If there happens to be more ? God Bless ! Until then , I'm very happy with my Hannah and Tim .
Does that mean I'm not fulfilling my buscket list ? Heck no ! I want to do all those things . It would truly be great if I get that chance but the most important I already have . The second most important ? My St. Jude's !!
So you can say I'm a pretty happy gal ! Have a Blessed Week everyone . I hope your wishes get fulfilled .
I didn't just want to become a grandma , I wanted a relationship with that grandchild . Since my cancer came back the second time , I felt my time was limited . Becoming a grandma is not a problem . Babies are born all the time . Building a relationship with that child is another story . For that child to remember me , I have to spend quite a few years here on earth .
At that time , I felt I would never experience fully being a grandma . Then God Blessed me with a daughter-in-law with children . With these children , I have developed a relationship . I have fallen in love with them .
Since my Joe is a newlywed , people ask me when will there be the sound of pitter patter in their home . I always reply , there already is that sound in their home . Another line is " I bet you can't wait to become a grandma " and I reply " I already am a grandma " .
As far as I'm concerned , my wish is fullfilled and I am content with the two I have . If there happens to be more ? God Bless ! Until then , I'm very happy with my Hannah and Tim .
Does that mean I'm not fulfilling my buscket list ? Heck no ! I want to do all those things . It would truly be great if I get that chance but the most important I already have . The second most important ? My St. Jude's !!
So you can say I'm a pretty happy gal ! Have a Blessed Week everyone . I hope your wishes get fulfilled .
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Going Through The Motions
As the month ends , I reflect on the many , many emotions that ruled this month . It's been a difficult month to say the least . Not only for me but for many of my friends .
Several of my friends lost a parent this month . A few had car accidents , including myself . Some have been experiencing financial loss and one facing foreclosure on her condo . There was the devastating health news for Linda and a death of a dear pet for another .
Two days ago , as I listened to a fellow co-worker tell me her problems , I looked around me . All I saw were people who looked just plain tired , shoulders slumped , going through the motions of everyday life . At times , life is very hard and we do the best we can , but life goes on even when we want to stand still .
It's been a sad month . Through it all , as corny as it may sound , I saw friends helping friends . I saw people reaching out to others . I saw love and compassion . . . . . understanding .
Even though alot of us are experiencing upheaval and struggles now , there are others that are rising up from their ashes . Others , that have been where we are right now . When you have hit the bottom , you can only go up .
To my friend , Kathy , who has been there . . . . . done that . . . . . she is rising up from her ashes . . . . . . as you go out into the world , into a new life , a new beginning , a new house in a different state . . . . . GODSPEED my friend ! Only good , strong , beautiful things grow from ashes . May God be with you as you embark on YOUR journey .
Several of my friends lost a parent this month . A few had car accidents , including myself . Some have been experiencing financial loss and one facing foreclosure on her condo . There was the devastating health news for Linda and a death of a dear pet for another .
Two days ago , as I listened to a fellow co-worker tell me her problems , I looked around me . All I saw were people who looked just plain tired , shoulders slumped , going through the motions of everyday life . At times , life is very hard and we do the best we can , but life goes on even when we want to stand still .
It's been a sad month . Through it all , as corny as it may sound , I saw friends helping friends . I saw people reaching out to others . I saw love and compassion . . . . . understanding .
Even though alot of us are experiencing upheaval and struggles now , there are others that are rising up from their ashes . Others , that have been where we are right now . When you have hit the bottom , you can only go up .
To my friend , Kathy , who has been there . . . . . done that . . . . . she is rising up from her ashes . . . . . . as you go out into the world , into a new life , a new beginning , a new house in a different state . . . . . GODSPEED my friend ! Only good , strong , beautiful things grow from ashes . May God be with you as you embark on YOUR journey .
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