Friday, July 10, 2015

Looking Back On Friday

I remember that time very well. I truly felt I would die and dealing with that issue was at the forefront of this bout with cancer. I'm so glad that I was at home during those treatment, because I would hate for people to have seen me like that on a daily basis. I don't think I could have handled people with all of those emotions.

Emotions , Emotions
   Why am I so emotional ? It didn't start now , either , I have been this way from the minute I found out my cancer came back . I asked  my friend Linda ,  why she cries all the time and she doesn't know either . I hate being this way , tearing up at every little thing .
    I cry when I hear a song on the radio . I cry while watching a show or movie . I cry when I think of the past , the present and the future . I cry when people write me or speak to me . I cry in anger , in happiness and in sadness . I cry for no reason at all . I cry when I think about people who find issues with me . When they don't want to hear what I have to say . I cry when people are mean to me for no reason .
   I cry in the car a  lot . In fact , I do a lot of things while driving .I pray out loud . I talk out loud to myself . Yes , I'm nuts . Lately , I find myself crying and thinking a lot while trying to go to sleep . The crying has invaded my sleep time . Sleep has been hard . A lot of tossing and turning .
   We have a Polish tradition that on Christmas Eve , the way your day goes that's how the New Year  will be . My Christmas has been very emotional . Some good , some bad , some sad , some happy but teary . I guess , I will be teary all year .
  I will tell you , this Season , was wonderful . I have children who love me no matter what . I have great friends that support me during this illness . My family is there , all I have to do is whistle . My work associates have continuously written or called me . Yet , I have spent buckets crying .My face is red not just from the steroids .
  All my life , I've always held this work ethic that whatever was set in front of me , with hard work and patience , I could overcome it . Conquer it and move on to the next . How do I conquer this ? I thought I conquered it before . It just keeps coming back .Here , I 'm crying again .I have my faith . I have my God ,  but I don't want to  keep fighting this over and over again . Oh , this is gonna be an emotional day .

Have a Blessed day everyone.

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