There are things that I really detest about cancer . Things that make me shudder at the thought of another treatment . If I had to choose a top six list of pet peeves regarding my cancer , what would they be ?
1. Hair loss
I don't care how many times I may have a re-occurrence , but when I lose my hair it is one of the most traumatic experiences I go through . There is something so victim-like about the whole appearance of it . People automatically feel sorry for you , because they can tell you are sick with some type of cancer .
I'm not saying it's a bad thing , but you want to look as normal as possible . You want to look pretty and feminine . There's nothing wrong with that feeling . It's very natural . We as women , are so concerned with appearance , even during our worst times . Cancer changes our appearance so much , is it wrong to want to look appealing ?
2. Lack of taste in food
I enjoy food , it's as simple as that . Not only do I experience metal mouth during treatment , where everything I eat tastes spoiled , but I think certain medications can alter your taste buds as well . Meals are not the same during treatment and I long for mouth watering explosions of flavor .
3. Steroids
My worst enemy happens to be steroids . As much as they help with the treatment for nausea , vomiting etc . , I really don't like the other side of steroids .
You can always tell when I'm on steroids ( sounds so funny ) , I turn beet red all the way down to my neck . For at least three days , I dodge people's questions on why I look like a radish . It's embarrassing , people really don't understand nor are they nice about it .
Then there is the weight gain . . . . that's a whole chapter in itself . No medical staff ever wants to admit that whenever I mention it , but steroids increase your appetite and you will gain weight . That's it , I'm done with that .
4. Germs
People don't realize how easily we are infected with everyday germs . We cannot be around people who are unwell . Certain treatments lower your immune system by half and we receive shots after the chemo to prevent that very thing from happening .
Every morning , before doing anything else , I would get up and sterilize the apartment with my handy clorox wipes . Every single morning . It's okay in the beginning , but do that for six months and it definitely becomes a chore .
5. Side effects from the side effects
After the treatments are finished , we go into remission . Chemo is a poison and not only does it kill the cancer , stopping any further growth , but it affects our bodies in other ways . I call this the side effects from the side effects .
I can guarantee you that my left knee will swell up and the arthritis will be felt in every movement I make . First treatment , it was only the knee . Second treatment , it went from my knee down the length of my leg to the toes . Last treatment , it has expanded to my joints , fingers , hands . . . . you get the picture .
My hot flashes are so pronounced as if I was going through menopause for the first time instead of it being almost eight years now . I sleep with a sheet for a blanket year round . I haven't worn a sweater nor can I look at one without experiencing a heat wave .
My nails are brittle , especially on my toes . It's embarrassing to show these man-like hands/feet in public . The minute they grow a certain length , they break as if porcelain .
6. Careless comments
This should be number one . Of all the things I've gone through , these hurt the most . Good people say careless , mean things . It's a way of life .
I know I don't resemble the old me . I am not a size three any longer , but more like a 15/16 . I barely have any lashes or eyebrows . Do you think that making a comment on them will make me feel better ? Do you think I am not aware that I don't resemble my I.D. picture ? Please , everyone be very careful of the words you use , because they really hurt .
You can tell that it's time for my three month screening , because I am dreading the outcome .
Have a Blessed day everyone .
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