On Monday , I totally lost it and became so angry that I did something that I never thought I would . It started out with my car overheating as I drove Emily to work early in the morning . Once again , it was something real stupid like a rubber cap that needed to be replaced for the cost of .99 cents . Whatever .
From that point on nothing and I mean nothing worked . It was an escalade of events that came crashing down like a tower . I started crying and I yelled at God . I just started yellling at Him when was He going to make this stop . When was this all going to stop already . I'm tired . What in the world could I have done for all of this to happen to me .
You know , 5 years ago , it was different . I had so many surgeries and complications , infections etc . There were so many other things going on physically there really wasn't anytime for the mental part . Last time I was attacked physically and this time it seems I'm being attacked with my faith . I'm so overwhelmed with all of this . My faith is strong but what happened Monday really scared me . I thought I was past that .I guess I'm not .
I felt so alone . It took my girl to calm me down that day . She just amazed me in her attitude . My girl who is so negative at times , told me to quit stressing that God would take care of everything .
" Didn ' t I tell you , mom that the car would get fixed ? God took care of us . "
I just want this to be over .
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ReplyDeleteLove you, Lottie. You are in my prayers.