Looking out the window at the snow falling , I wondered how many people were experiencing fear right now . Fear of their car skidding across the road . Fear of being late for work or picking up their children .
What are my fears ? I'm afraid of many silly things like rats or mice . Right now , the scale is pretty high up there as the number one thing I'm scared of .
What if the reason I've been so grouchy lately is really because I'm scared . Scared of something I can't control or touch . We all want to be in control of our lives or at least think we are . All of my life , I have told myself I was waiting on the Lord . I believed that my plans were the same as God's plan for me . It doesn't seem to be the case any longer . He seems to have different plans for me .
I think that is one reason why I'm grouchy . Why can't my plan be the same as His ? We all have wished for something . Dreamed about it . Had our hearts set on it . As a Christian I know whatever He has planned for me will be ten times better than anything I do . That still doesn't ease the fact that I won't get what I want .
I certainly , didn't think I would be here going through cancer again . Yes , fear . The uncertainty . The unknown . Trust . It's all so hard . I'm still afraid of rats , mice and the scale .
My grandchildren run down the hall telling me they are afraid of the old man with the husky voice who barked at them today. They want me to protect them. I laugh and reassure them that I won't let anything harm them, least of all grouchy old men. I know their fears are unwarranted, but they don't. So they tell me about it and I put my arms around them and reassure them that they are safe in my arms. Because, I love them.
ReplyDeleteThat's where you are, Lottie. It's okay to be afraid. God understands. He wants you to 'run down the hall' to tell Him all about it! And then, rest in the sure and steady knowledge that it will all be okay in the end. Because He who holds you, loves you, more than you know. And He has it all under control...