Chasing Time . . .Again

 

                               Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

Within! within, oh turn

Thy spirit's eyes, and learn
Thy wandering senses gently to control;
Thy dearest Friend dwells deep within thy soul,
And asks thyself of thee,
That heart, and mind, and sense,

 He may make whole
In perfect harmony.
G. TERSTEEGEN

I have been chasing time for as long as I can remember. I have spent searching for that perfect organizational routine that can make my life go in perfect harmony. Books upon books have been read to no avail. Time has been still elusive in my life, refusing to be tamed.

If you are like me, you are trying to be everything to everyone while trying to achieve all that you can. Are there enough hours in the day for that? Majority of the time the answer is no. We fill our calendars with activity even when we don't have enough hours in one day to accomplish them. We all live with busyness. 

Sooner or later, we will face burn out. I have been there once before and that fact alone, set me off thinking on how to prevent it from happening again. 

Time is very precious to me, especially since my cancer. Since it is so precious that perhaps I need to be very intentional on how I spent it. If I was going to give up something, then I need to make sure that time will be spent well. 

So, what is important to you? Or who is that special someone? When we have to make a decision to prioritize our schedule, it can be very difficult. We enjoy all of it, don't we?

 I thought about what was important to me. Jesus has always been at the top of that list. I could not imagine living life without him. So, I based my schedule around spending time with Him. Prayer time one evening and bible study another. It's funny what we can accomplish when we put our whole being in it. I cherish the time, my alone time with Jesus. There are times where I need to unload a really horrible day and He's there listening.

We seem to think that we have to give up things to find a balance in our life. Honestly, we just need to find Him and all the rest will follow. 

Have a blessed day everyone.

A Restorative Year

 

                              Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

The man who has no refuge in himself, 

who lives, so to speak,

 in his front rooms, 

in the outer whirlwind of things and opinions,

 is not properly a personality at all; ...

 he is one of a crowd.

—Amiel.

As the year comes to a close, I cannot help, but reflect on all the things that were and all the things that could have been.  For my family, It has been a very difficult time that began back in the Fall of 2021. As this past year began to unfold, we as a family, slowly started the process of restorative action. 

Life is full of cause and effect. There are consequences for all our decisions. Sometimes, we make a great decision and reap the harvest from it. Other times, we reap the heavy consequences of those poor decisions. Other way, cause and effect weigh heavily the price of those decisions.

Beginning restoration can be quite tricky. There are things that will never be restored fully no matter how much one may try. One can say all there is to be said. One may do all that one can do. One may repent in every way possible. None of these things matter if these actions are not received by others. Either one is forgiven or one isn't. 

There comes a time where one is faced with a fork in the road. Does one stay still waiting for redemption? For forgiveness? For permission for restoration of one's life? 

When all has been said, tried and done to no avail, one has no choice but to move forward on the path God has placed them on. We all have a purpose given to us by God. Many of us are not aware of what that purpose may be for us to fulfill. All one has to do is ask and God will show you His will for you. Just ask.

The year is almost over, the door closing forever on all that has been. We can look back full of regrets and we should show remorse for those bad decisions. But . . . we should also do our very best to reconcile all that we can by moving forward bettering ourselves and our relationships. Trials can strengthen families or they can rip them apart. We can pick up these broken pieces of a family and put them back together even stronger than ever. For the families that refuse to be restored, well, one can only move forward and do everything possible in bettering ourselves from this experience. 

Life does not stand still. It moves forward, a sea of cause and effect. It's all about what we do with the wave that comes our way. Make it a good one. 

Have a blessed day everyone. 

Life Stood Still

 

                               Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

Thy kingdom come, with power and grace,

To every heart of man;
Thy peace, and joy, and righteousness
In all our bosoms reign.
C. WESLEY.

This month has certainly knocked me off balance. Somewhere in my daily life I have picked up a virus bug of sorts that laid me up for days. I haven't been this sick in a very long time. 

Everything was placed on hold. The dishes lay in the sink. The refrigerator remained empty. The laundry piled higher each day. The stack of mail grew taller. The e-mails remained unanswered. Life itself stood still. Christmas just around the corner.

We got up, went to work. Came home and went to bed. This routine was repeated again and again and again. Our daily schedule stood still as we barely functioned from work and back. 

It's amazing how something as small as a virus can set one back, totally humbling us. Nothing else mattered, but getting the necessary rest so we could recover fully. Not even the same things like our crafts or our movies or hobbies could get our attention as before the illness.

Now that recovery is on it's way, one feels quite overwhelmed by all that has been left on the wayside. It seems that we can never get ahead so why even worry about it. One step at a time. One day at a time. Breathe in. Breathe out. When it comes down to it, does it really matter as much as we think? 

I worked for a manager once who only had one piece of paper on his desk at any given moment. His desk was spotless! He believed that we can only devote our fullest attention to one thing at a time. This is very true, especially now, coming out of this sickness. Things can seem so overwhelming if we allow them to be. A house is just a house. It's the people living inside it that bring it to life.

It may take me a minute to get through everything, but it will get done eventually. The people in my life won't always be here for me to enjoy. Nor I for them.

Have a blessed day everyone.

Feeling The Old

 

                              Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey. 

Be quiet, soul:

Why shouldst thou care and sadness borrow,
Why sit in nameless fear and sorrow,
The livelong day?
God will mark out thy path to-morrow
In His best way.
ANON.

We live in a world that has been turned upside these past few years with changes that have crept up unexpectedly. Trying to find some peace, some sanity in all of this conflict can be overwhelming. We are looking for a way to escape the enormity of everyday living. People are seeking radical changes that are way too radical for the likes of me.

I think I have become too old.

Have you ever wanted to just get into your car and escape? It doesn't matter where as long as you can go somewhere free. Free from all the political nonsense. Free from all the division among the people. Free from all the current chaos our Country has been facing. Free from persecution of opinions on all the social media!

Life can become very overwhelming! To the younger generation our views seem outdated and conservative. We live in a time where the experience of the older generation is not appreciated. One has to ask, but has it ever been?

When we are young, we seem to think we have all the answers to the world's problems. Everything appears black and white to our way of thinking. We also quickly learn that because things look simple on paper, it is not so in the real world. Life is not black and white, but many shades in between. Life is navigating through the chaos of right and wrong. There are no easy paths and definitely no easy outs. Decisions are made and consequences are doled out. Life is definitely far from being simple. 

By the time we are in our golden years, we find ourselves feeling beaten down by the world systems. We pick the battles we want to fight, usually the ones we know we can win or the most vital to the moral code we are held accountable to by God.

Yes, folks. I am getting old. Joining a generation of foddy doddy seniors who live in a time long gone. Reminiscing of a time where the truth wasn't so muddled. The world is spinning and we are getting older.

Have a blessed day everyone.

The Coming Of The Fog

 

                                    Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

We know not what the path may be

As yet by us untrod;
But we can trust our all to Thee,
Our Father and our God.
WM. J. IRON

The weather here has been quite foggy. Here we are in almost the middle of December and no snow in sight. Just fog and nothing, but the fog. It's dark, gloomy and quite depressing.

Driving to work the other day, I realized that I haven't seen the sky nor the sun in over a week. It's funny how we never give things a thought until they are gone. I miss that sun that streams it's rays into my bedroom every morning. I really do. It provides me with the energy I need to get through the day.

Winter has always been a rough time for me. I become lethargic, often opting to sleep in or take naps. My attention span suffers as nothing really appeases the curiosity of a productive mind. I feel as if we are meant to hibernate coming out only in Spring. No, I do not do well in Winter.

So, I find myself plugging away . . . slowly, but steadily. Maneuvering through the fog, desperately trying to find my way out. How much longer? When will the sun appear? These are the questions I ask every day when I venture out.

I look at all the people, running from one place to another. Do they feel the same? Does it seem a dreary time for them as well? Do they feel the pull of Winter?

There are all kinds of moments in our lives that we live through. The seasons come and go right along with them. Some we cherish each second while others we skip through avoiding all the rough edges. Each and everyone of these are vital playing a significant role in the stages of our life. Which one are you in now?

Have a blessed day everyone.

The Wandering Heart

 

                                 Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

Sweet Patience, come:

Not from a low and earthly source,--
Waiting, till things shall have their course,--
Not as accepting present pain
In hope of some hereafter gain,--
Not in a dull and sullen calm,--
But as a breath of heavenly balm,
Bidding my weary heart submit
To bear whatever God sees fit:
Sweet Patience, come!
HYMNS OF THE CHURCH MILITANT.

Every morning, we get up and face the world. Every morning. 

This past year, it seems my life has become robotic in motion. I get up. I go to work. I go to prayer group or bible study or church. I meet friends or crochet for my ministry or make videos for my YouTube channel. 

I do the exact same things that I have been doing for the last several years and yet . . . there is no satisfaction . . . no fulfillment. Only a longing. Something is missing. That sparkle is gone.

One could almost feel when a change takes place. There is a certain sense of things not quite being the same. A season has passed in one's life where a shift has taken effect and our time here in this space is over. We have done all we came to do here. 

I have always wanted a permanent spot to dwell in, to mingle with for the remainder of my life. I have wandered for many years now, going from place to place, each time thinking it was for the last time. I have envied others who have spent their entire life in one house, one church, one community, one family. 

That's what I want, too.

I have no idea what is coming next. Yet, I know something new is around the corner. A path is forming, a call is being prepared and the obedient servant is waiting to receive it. 

Isaiah 6:8

And I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?” Then I said, “Here am I! Send me.”

There is much joy out there as well as much pain. Moments are fleeting, but memories stay forever. Our hearts ache for what was, especially when we know deep down inside it might never be again. We feel all that, but we also know that life moves on. We get up every morning.

 We breathe in and out. 

We go out and face the world.

Have a blessed day everyone. 

A Museum Of Resentment

 

                                   Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

When sorrow all our heart would ask,

  We need not shun our daily task,
    And hide ourselves for calm;
  The herbs we seek to heal our woe
  Familiar by our pathway grow,
    Our common air is balm.
J. KEBLE.

I never thought I would be that someone who harbors resentment towards others. Never! In fact, I was that person who would try to keep the peace at all cost. I would try to resolve the issue rather than not ever speak to that person again. Yes, I was that person who preached forgiveness to everyone. I was that person.

Funny thing happens when one begins to feel superior as if we have overcome something others are struggling with on a daily basis. We begin to feel as if we are in a protective bubble and pretty soon we forget how it feels to be in a hard place such as resentment and unforgiveness. We start to believe we have become immune to it.

Letting go of the past hurt is the hardest thing in the world. It wants to linger in our heart, festering all that resentment until it boils over into unforgiveness. It becomes our way of life, a museum of sorts where we can revisit as often as we like. That resentment keeps on festering quickly turning into bitterness and hardness of the heart.

This past year has been extremely difficult for my family. Trials, troubles, struggles come and go in our life. Some harder than others, but all definitely painful, often leaving a scar. Resentment has found a spot to crash in my heart turning it into a regular museum of resentment.

 We as Christians know the importance of healing our hearts, protecting them against the sin of resentment, anger and bitterness. We know it is wrong. We know God wants us to be complete and live freely as loving individuals created in His Image. Since we know deep inside that it is wrong to feel these negative emotions, we know we need to come before the Lord and seek His help.

 I lay myself, naked and raw, before my Lord. Desperate. Wounded. Broken. Purify me, cleanse me from this sickness. Make me whole. You are my Almighty God of the Impossible made Possible. I want to be better than I was . . . . . so much better. Release me from this bitter heart and keep me from hardening myself against others. 

We cannot go through life alone, especially when faced with worldly struggles. We cannot go on harboring ill feelings toward the people whom we are to love. These people are not just your family or friends or co-workers. These are your neighbors. These are the people in the world. We cannot justify these negative emotions just so we can feel good about how we behave towards them. We definitely need to knock down the walls of that museum and become free of all it's entanglements.

Living our best life doesn't come easy. Life keeps throwing all these curveballs our way and we can become so wrapped up in our feelings that we forget how to love. We forget all the wonderful moments we have shared and the laughter that bubbled up inside of us at the silly things. We just plain forget. Instead, we harbor bad feelings, we resent others, we become bitter. Where's the best life in that?

Have a blessed day everyone.

Simply Dieting

 

                              Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

In heavenly love abiding,

No change my heart shall fear;
And safe is such confiding,
For nothing changes here.
A. L. WARING.

Dieting is not a word that held any meaning in my life until past the year 2007. Before that, I had no idea what that really meant, because I was one of "those" skinny people. I ate what I wanted, when I wanted and how much I wanted. Never gained anything. I gave birth to four children and I was able to still get into my clothes.

Dieting? There was no need for any of it! Quite honestly, I had no empathy for anyone struggling with their weight, because I had no idea what that meant or what it took to diet.

Of all the things I had to deal with since my cancer journey, my weight gain has been the hardest. I have struggled with acceptance of how I look. I have struggled with how others see me. I have struggled with just simply losing the weight! I often wondered if this would be my permanent size and I should just give up. 

This past Summer, I have given this dilemma much thought. I no longer wish to diet, but instead learn to incorporate good eating habits and exercise into my lifestyle. How many times have we said that phrase? We often feel we need to give up the foods we love entirely and that is not true. Almost every doctor will tell you we need a little bit of every food group. Yes, there are people who have no choice, but need to eliminate certain foods for their health. Overall, it is all about portions and finding a perfect balance. 

There are so many diets out there and along with them, many different opinions. I cannot stress enough that we all are different and what may have worked for one may not work for the other. Remember to take into account your health, especially if you have a chronic illness. It is better to consult your doctor about any choices concerning your diet. Don't be afraid to bring up that conversation with them. My GP loves to talk with me about my diet. 

 Exercise is not something I have enjoyed in the past and nor do I look forward to in the future! As I become older, I see a need for exercise to keep myself limber and agile. These joints of mine don't work as well as they used to and if I am not careful, I will lose the ability to move. 

I have selected a workout that is based on my age and ability. I have no desire to be jumping up and attempting physical feats outside of my strength. Last thing I want to do is hurt myself in an attempt to become healthy. Here is the link for the workout I do for anyone who might be interested.

 (6003) Pahla B, Weight Loss Coach for Women over 50 - YouTube

I wish I could tell you what a good student of exercise I have become, but that would be a lie. Thus far, I have struggled with maintaining that routine. Oh, I would have great workouts for weeks on end and then completely fall off the band wagon struggling to get back on it. If it was easy, I would have lost the weight a long time ago. The takeaway point here is not to give up. Keep going even when you fail. Get up, dust yourself off, forgive yourself and get back to it!

Have a blessed day everyone.

Change Is Necessary

 

                               Everyday is a brand new day,

                                everyday is a journey.

To be the thing we seem,

To do the thing we deem
Enjoined by duty;
To walk in faith, nor dream
Of questioning God's scheme
Of truth and beauty

Anon

To say that I have been absent from my blog, is quite an understatement. For many years now, I have been experiencing a drought, a writer's block. I believe it has begun when I went into remission, a remission that has lasted since 2016. In fact, I have never had a more positive oncologist visit than recently. For someone who has experienced cancer four times in nine years, it can be a very unbelievable moment and a surreal one. 

This entire blog has been centered around my life with cancer. When the good news arrived, I thought to myself, what in the world will I write about now?

 I failed to practice what I have been preaching. My goal has always been to show people that one could live a very purposeful life with a chronic illness. I may be in the longest remission I have ever experienced, so shouldn't I be sharing that with others?

In Luke 17:11-19, Jesus heals the ten lepers and only one comes back to thank Him. Suddenly, I feel as if I was one of the nine that didn't proclaim His glory. I may have thanked Jesus for this long remission that I am in, but I have not shared in the goodness that followed within that remission with others. 

In the past year, I have experienced a loss, a major one in my family. It has brought back to me the realization of how much this blog has helped me in my recovery with pain in the past. It can provide a therapeutic healing of one's broken and grief stricken heart no matter what one may be going through.  

So here we are, another season, another chapter of my life. Who knows where this will lead us, what we will discover as we peel away the pain. The longer you know someone, the more you love them and are interested in what they do. I think that is why it hurts when they're gone. It's like we're trying so hard to hold it together, but in reality, we're busting at the seams. Just a year ago I was walking on air. Did I appreciate the blessings I was receiving? Or have I become so accustomed to my cup overflowing?

Letting go and starting over is so hard to do when we have loved so very much. Grieving is a real thing. The person doesn't have to die for us to grieve their time with us. Separation is just as bad and probably hurts even more. We cannot sit in the misery and the pain where we end up drowning. We do have to let go and start over once again. Change is necessary for us to thrive for the way Jesus intended for us to live our life. 

I sit here, looking out the window at the cloudiness in the sky. It looks so bleak, doesn't it? Yet, one has to start somewhere. It won't always be a cloudy day. The Sun does come out eventually and boy, we will enjoy that sunshine on our face.

Have a blessed day everyone. 

Your Worst Day

 

                                   Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

Know well, my soul, 

God's hand controls 

Whatever thou fearest; 

Round Him in calmest music rolls 

Whate'er thou hearest.

J. G. WHITTIER.

Labor Day began just like any other three-day weekend. The streets were quiet and crowds were sparse as the world woke up slowly. The weekend was spent barbecuing for most likely the last time before the cold temperatures began and school was officially open. 

Heading out to pick up my daughter from work, I continued on the same route that I have taken countless of times. The left turn signal changed to green and I proceeded forward just like I have many times over. The oncoming vehicle never stopped for their red and as you may have concurred, we collided.

This one act, this one incident, changed everything. No one was hurt, thank goodness, but the irritation that resulted from it kept both sides busy in paperwork and phone calls for the remainder of the month. A very frustrating month!

We go about our lives every single day oblivious to the world around us. If it doesn't touch us in a personal way, we really don't feel it. We are sorry for others' struggle or turmoil and we may even say a prayer for them, but deep down inside, we carry on our merry way.

There is always someone who is having their worst day. That worst day may vary in degree, but believe me, to them it's devastating. The worst part of it? No one notices until they are in the middle of it with them experiencing their own pain. 

Empathy is not something that we are born with, but we do acquire it as we grow in Christ. The more we immerse ourselves in becoming like Jesus, the more compassion we show for others in need. We not only feel for them, but we also see them.

My accident brought me much despair and frustration, but I will never forget that woman who sat on the curb so devastated by her mistake. The shock and disbelief of what just happened evident in her entire being. Sometimes, we need to forget what has occurred to us and instead minister to the one who inflicted the pain. 

We all were affected by this accident. There was no "winner" in this scenario. We tend to think that our pain is the only important pain that matters, but that isn't true. Everyone hurts and feels emotion. Everyone deserves forgiveness and compassion, even the one who caused the pain.

Have a blessed day everyone.

Secret Garden

 

                                                 Everyday is a brand new day,

                                                 everyday is a journey.

What I possess, or what I crave,

Brings no content, great God, to me,
If what I would, or what I have,
Be not possest, and blest, in Thee;
What I enjoy, O make it mine,
In making me that have it, Thine.
J. QUARLES.

I have always enjoyed a good storm whether it was a snowstorm or a thunderstorm. Whenever a storm is on it's way, I want to race home before it comes pouring down. There is something so comforting, so relaxing, so calming and reassuring when watching a powerful storm from the sanctity of one's home.  A sanctuary. A peaceful place where we find our biggest Joy and where we can feel safe from all the storms of the world.

For as long as I could remember, I have dreamt of such a place just for me. A tiny dwelling surrounded by woods, trees and flowers. A place where the only noise to be heard were the songs of the birds all day long. I have this vision in my mind of how exactly it will look. 

A home is so important. It's your special place to get away from everything chaotic and stressful. Choosing the one that fits you is key. What that may look like for me could be entirely different for you.

This past Spring, my son and his wife, sold their home. A home that I absolutely adored. My favorite spot was the porch and I have made several YouTube videos on that porch. I just couldn't get over the idea that it was being sold. I couldn't imagine another place out there that would be able to replace it. I kept driving by unexpectedly when no one was home to take one more look before it was sold. 

When the time came to pack it all up, I cried real tears for that home. I couldn't understand why anyone would want to give up a true gem such as this place. Some time passed and I went to revisit that place that held so much of my love. I was taken aback by what I saw. It didn't look anything how I remembered it. In fact, it resembled a shell like any other home out there. This couldn't possibly be my special place. 

I realized that what makes a home is not the structure itself, but the people inside it. That place was special to me, because of who lived there and made it a real home. They decorated it and filled it with things that reflected who they were as a family. A real sanctuary.

The book Secret Garden written by Frances Hodgson Burnett, spoke of such a place. A hidden, secret garden that was so special to a group of children. No one knew of it, except them. We all want to find a secret garden of our own where we can be ourselves, safe and hidden, from a destructive world. A place to run home to when the storm hits. What does that place look like to you?

Have a blessed day everyone.

Living Purposely

                              Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

 Bright be my prospect as I pass along;--

An ardent service at the cost of all,--
Love by untiring ministry made strong,
And ready for the first, the softest call.
A. L. WARING

If there is one goal I want to achieve in my lifetime is to show others with a chronic illness that they too can live a purposeful life. Yes, it is harder and takes longer to do certain things, but we can still accomplish plenty. We are not finished living life.

A person does not go through all that, both physically and mentally, without a struggle. It is that struggle and determination that actually makes us stronger than the average person. It should not be an obstacle to us living out our best life. Life is meant to be lived, so let's live it fully.

When I first came out on YouTube, I went in search of other channels who were living life with cancer. The ones I found were either several years old with no current video or ones going through the treatment. I noticed two things right away. One, they stopped chronicling their journey once in remission. Two, they passed away. 

That truly bothers me. I know that cancer is a hard word for many people to think about or say, but as survivors, shouldn't we encourage others to stay the course? Shouldn't we show them what comes after? The struggle isn't over just because we went into remission. For majority of us, living with pain becomes the norm or experiencing repetitions of recurrences. 

I don't want anyone to think life has nothing more to offer us except living with pain. We shouldn't be afraid to embrace the challenges that come with it nor should we be afraid of sharing the same challenges with others who are coming up behind us. 

Look at me, look where I have been and look where I am now.

That should be the words we want to live by and pass on to others with a chronic illness. We should also add and look where I'm going! 

Trust me, the last thing I want to do is be flippant about the journey with cancer or any other chronic illness. It was hard, really hard and at times, still can be. Giving up is not in my vocabulary. God has given me another chance to breathe out into others. I want to be an encouragement, a supportive shoulder, a joyful cheerleader to my fellow survivors, no matter what that illness may have been. 

Send me, Lord, send me.

Have a blessed day everyone. 

My Cup Overflowth

 

                                                    Everyday is a brand new day,

                                                     everyday is a journey

 

Be not o'ermastered by thy pain,

But cling to God, thou shall not fall;
The floods sweep over thee in vain,
Thou yet shall rise above them all;
For when thy trial seems too hard to bear,
Lo! God, thy King, hath granted all thy prayer:
Be thou content.
P. GERHARDT.

Back in 2016, I had my 4th. bout with ovarian cancer. We opted for surgery to remove the perfectly oval tumor, followed by 3 treatments of chemo and 25 days of radiation.

 I detested the radiation. I would wake up at 3 a.m. every single day and argue with God why I just couldn't go to radiation. Of course, I lost that battle every single time. I just couldn't understand why God was insisting on this wretched radiation.

Why did I detest this "radiation" so much? Well, if you know anything about Chicago, they have traffic, roadblocks and plenty of construction. It's a yearlong thing. It was inconvenient, costly and an irritation.

So here I was waking up around 3 a.m. in the morning due to a restless night. I would leave the house early and no matter which way you chose to go, in Chicago, mornings are especially "stop and go" all the way to the hospital. Not to mention, my truck was slowly dying, breaking down all the time. Again, my conversation with God never ceased from when I awakened. The arguing would go on until the radiation treatment was over for that day, only to begin all over the next morning in the exact fashion. 

What did I argue about? 

Why are you having me do this just to have it come back again next year?

What's the point, God?

Just look at all this traffic and I am wasting my precious time driving through it?

There's nowhere to park around here!

I have to spend so much money paying for parking every single day for 25 days!

I have to wait in the waiting room, because they are so backed up like my time isn't important!

If I can't find a parking spot, I'm going home!

You know, God blessed me even though I fought Him. That truck that broke down and finally died? A good friend of mine offered me the use of his daughter's vehicle since she was away at College. It didn't have a working radio so I couldn't tune God out while I was driving, but it did get me to radiation. That parking spot? Never had a problem. Once, a car pulled out right in front of me. All that waiting? I met so many beautiful women who needed a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen. 

That was Fall of 2016 and now it's Summer of 2022. Still in remission. Still here. I sometimes wonder if I needed to get these arguments off my chest. Maybe I was really holding them in all those years being positive instead of examining my own emotions. Either way, God has a way of peeling the layers whether we want Him to or not. It may take a raw and painful encounter, but the work gets done. 

Have a blessed day everyone.

A Cancer Update 2022

                             Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

 Lord, I have given my life to Thee,

And every day and hour is Thine,--
What Thou appointest let them be;
Thy will is better, Lord, than mine.
A. WARNER

It pains me to say this, because I am a firm believer in preventive medicine. I am exhausted with the joys and tribulations of our healthcare system. I am not interested in who is right and who is wrong, but we the patients are the ones missing out when insurance companies and hospitals clash. When they cannot come to any sort of agreement, we pay the price. 

So here I am, in a new place with a new oncologist for almost two years. Had a great checkup, great test results, better than ever in my fifteen years with cancer. What do you think happens? My insurance carrier cannot come to an agreement with my hospital/oncologist. 

Here we go again. This has happened for the third time. Each time, I have changed Doctors and even the insurance carrier. Things go well for awhile and then it happens again. . . .the negotiations go awry with each side wanting their way. Once again, I am left with no options, but find another oncologist. It's exhausting and frustrating!

I have come to the decision of waiting it out. I'm just done with all of this uncertainty and jumping around from one doctor to another. I pay good money for my insurance and I expect to be able to use it when needed. They obviously don't care about the likes of me. They have no problem taking my money, but they do have a problem when I want to use it. They put me through all sorts of hoops designed for me to determine whether I am eligible. 

Benefit enrollment season has come along and my company has graciously provided new coverage as compensation. That is good news, because I can do all my tests as needed. The problem is that I am not even happy about it for fear of it happening again and again. Insurance companies have so much power and we are dependent on them even though they need our money. Do I sound disgusted? I am and so should everyone else.

I have been very fortunate with my cancer care, but many out there have not been that lucky. I cannot even imagine being faced with huge medical bills when all that I should be concentrating on is getting better and getting rid of this cancer. Yet, people every single day are faced with this issue, because our health care system is not working for us. 

Don't get me wrong, I have been doing great. I just wish everyone else did too. Health insurance should be the last thing we worry about when faced with life threatening decisions. Nothing will change until people's hearts change in how they do business and interact with others. 

Have a blessed day everyone.