Do You Want To Get Well?

                                                    Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

Whatever troubles come on you,
 of mind, body, or estate,
 from within or from without,
 from chance or from intent,
 from friends or foes -- 
whatever your trouble be, 
though you be lonely,
 O children of a heavenly Father, 
be not afraid! 
J. H. NEWMAN.


I've been thinking just the other day, how in the world did I become so stressed this year? I think back to my goals that I set way back in January of last year  and don't remember adding anxiety, stress or frustrations to the list. Yet, here we are in a brand new year so stressed out that I have had a headache and a permanent scowl on my face all day. 

I began a new Bible study via an online free course. It comes with a daily e-mail and video of about 10-15 minutes long. I love these, because I can do them at my leisure and even all at once if I have the time. This one is actually a 15 day study and so far, it has been really good.

In one of the entries, we dealt with being a victim. In fact, we are asked that very question and right away I answered forcibly never! That question has stayed with me the entire day. Whenever that happens, I know that deep down inside the Holy Spirit wants me to re-examine that question once again. Do you like being a victim?

I have been extremely disappointed in my current cancer team. They are almost entirely made up of new individuals right down to the oncologist. Many people have pointed out to me that I have been very spoiled by my last set of doctors due to the length of time we were together. All true, I will not deny that fact. There is also the fact that my new insurance has not approved any of my usual tests like the Ct. scan or Petscan. All deemed unnecessary in their eyes.

So I have been very disappointed in the care I have been receiving, even though I am still in remission and that doesn't involve much care. Many people would say you should be jumping up for joy that you are seeing them every 6 months. The longer the better, right?

No. I have been in this "patient' mode for twelve years. I have gone in and out with regular screening like clockwork. My days off were spent getting lab work done and oncologist visits. Suddenly, it is not needed any more. I want to yell out, But what about my recurrent cancer? What about my thyroid? What about my petscan? How am I going to know if my cancer is back?

I guess, there is a bit of the victim mentality here. I can't seem to let go of the fact that I should be monitored regularly by a team of doctors just in case the cancer is back.

To make matters worse, the Bible study asked yet another question. Do you want to get well?

There it is, in a nutshell. I think we all have that victim mentality. Some may have it a lot stronger than others, but we all experience it. There is that sense of security surrounding the victim mentality. Is it any wonder that we don't want to let go of it? It is amazing what we can discover about ourselves if we just open our hearts to it.

Have a blessed day everyone.