I had such great plans for my writing. I really thought my mornings would be spent in deep concentration typing out all these stories that were buried inside. That's how I planned on spending my recovery at home. All my good intentions fell to the wayside. There were times where no posts were available for several days on my blog let alone my literary projects. I didn't even touch those!
It seems that God had other things planned for me. I certainly spent this time in contemplation on what to do with all of this dissatisfaction I've been feeling. Little did I know that beneath the surface of dissatisfaction lay an entire host of pain that I spent piling under the rug instead of working it out. You can't get past the Holy Spirit. He'll stop you dead in your tracks until you deal with it.
It has always been very therapeutic for me to write about my feelings. There are things that I've never shared with anyone for fear of negative responses. Or embarrassment. Since that first radiation day, where I lay there so exposed for anyone to see, I've realized I cannot keep these feelings hidden. I need to say them out loud and dispose of them. I cannot move into my purpose holding on them.
So I started writing and writing. Suddenly, all the blockage I felt all during recovery opened up and flowed effortlessly. I feel such a release! Why couldn't I write like this back in May? Why did my writing itch come back a week before I'm due to go back to work? Do you have any idea how many times I sat in front of the keyboard and couldn't write a single sentence?
That young woman in the waiting of that first radiation, she opened up a can of worms that cannot be put back in. Some people would call her the devil, but I have another name for her. She was my angel, my writing muse. She was holding the mirror I needed to look into for the reflection it held. God does His best work in the worst circumstances.
Have a blessed day everyone.
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