I met a little Elf-man once,
Down where the lilies blow.
I asked him why he was so small
And why he didn't grow.
He slightly frowned, and with his eye
He looked me through and through.
"I'm quite as big for me," said he
"As you are big for you."
--John Kendrick Bangs.He looked me through and through.
"I'm quite as big for me," said he
"As you are big for you."
Health-wise, I'm feeling so much better. Not having chemo any longer, I can see my body becoming stronger on a weekly basis. What a relief not to have side effects, especially the constipation or the exhaustion.
As to the radiation, it has been only the first three days and so far physically, I'm adapting nicely. I've had some minor stomach upsets, but it might be too early to tell. Mentally, not so much. I find myself being very robotic and mechanical in behavior. I'm not joking with the technicians or even smiling. I just want to get through it and run away. I did confide in my female technician on the first day my feelings. I feel so bad for her, because she is trying desperately to make this a comfortable experience for me. It's not her, it's me.
My moods have not been any better either. I find myself irritable at just about everything. The heat especially is irritating me. What I would do for a week of open windows of flowing breezes. I feel I have spent my entire July and August sequestered behind closed blinds unable to look outside my picturesque scenery. How in the world am I to write without my muse?
Living in the city is quickly losing it's appeal to me. I'm tired of the noise, the angry drivers, the crowded traffic filled streets and constant construction. I long for the corn fields, the open sky filled with stars and long winding roads. I no longer fit in the city.
I'm seriously contemplating on going back to work full time regardless if I finish this stupid radiation or not. I want and desire normalcy in my life. Since this has been such a head game for me, maybe it would be better for me if I didn't have so much time for thinking.
I am looking forward to the weekend where one of my Ministry ladies (Cindy) will be coming over to help with some of these boxes (all five of them) that will be going to three separate organizations. I'm always glad to see them go as my little bitty apartment begins to look even smaller with all these boxes thrown around.
As you can see, I'm just a crabby old lady. I hope the rest of you enjoy your weekend. Have a Blessed day everyone.
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