Excerpt from 90 Minutes In Heaven
I think we all have crumpled in a heap and bawled our hearts out at one point or another in our life . A time where we can't take another minute of our trial . Our resolve caves in and we let go . I believe it's at this point that we totally hand the situation over to Christ and He takes over . We officially submit .
After four long months of surgeries , a dose of chemo , fevers , infections , tube feedings , colostomy , a fistula and a reversal colostomy . . . . . well , I was done .
My breakdown occurred two weeks after my colostomy reversal . During that time , all I had to do is go to the bathroom normally and I couldn't even do that . Two weeks of pure agony ! Two weeks of special exercises , laxatives and every man known method to help me along and nothing .
Here I was with a heating pad strapped to my belly and doing knee bends at the same time . An old friend of the family decides to call and see how I am doing . All she did was ask how I was feeling and I burst out crying , not being able to stop .
Well , she had never seen me in this state before , panicking that I was suicidal , she made several fellow friends of ours call me through the remainder of the day . Encouragement flowed , phone call after phone call .
Of course , I would never do bodily harm to myself or even contemplate the possibility . My fear and awe of God has always been real . I fear Him more than anything a mere human may do to me .
That episode taught me two things : (1) People really loved me ( 2) Be more careful about voicing my feelings . The second may sound strange to you , but I believe they were more scared that I lost hope and gave up , than the fact that I cried . In their eyes , if I lost hope . . . than all was lost . The people around me really loved me and they ,
too , were going through some emotional stuff . It was not just about me . We have to remember that .
Have a Blessed day everyone .
I think we all have crumpled in a heap and bawled our hearts out at one point or another in our life . A time where we can't take another minute of our trial . Our resolve caves in and we let go . I believe it's at this point that we totally hand the situation over to Christ and He takes over . We officially submit .
After four long months of surgeries , a dose of chemo , fevers , infections , tube feedings , colostomy , a fistula and a reversal colostomy . . . . . well , I was done .
My breakdown occurred two weeks after my colostomy reversal . During that time , all I had to do is go to the bathroom normally and I couldn't even do that . Two weeks of pure agony ! Two weeks of special exercises , laxatives and every man known method to help me along and nothing .
Here I was with a heating pad strapped to my belly and doing knee bends at the same time . An old friend of the family decides to call and see how I am doing . All she did was ask how I was feeling and I burst out crying , not being able to stop .
Well , she had never seen me in this state before , panicking that I was suicidal , she made several fellow friends of ours call me through the remainder of the day . Encouragement flowed , phone call after phone call .
Of course , I would never do bodily harm to myself or even contemplate the possibility . My fear and awe of God has always been real . I fear Him more than anything a mere human may do to me .
That episode taught me two things : (1) People really loved me ( 2) Be more careful about voicing my feelings . The second may sound strange to you , but I believe they were more scared that I lost hope and gave up , than the fact that I cried . In their eyes , if I lost hope . . . than all was lost . The people around me really loved me and they ,
too , were going through some emotional stuff . It was not just about me . We have to remember that .
Have a Blessed day everyone .
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