Sandwiched Like An Oreo

Rrrroarrrr ! Whirrr ! Slam ! Waaaa ! Beep ! Clank ! It was a symphony of sounds coming from all sides . There was no escaping the noise of the daytime hours . Being a night worker sure has it's downside  and I became painfully  aware of  it every morning as I laid down to sleep . Did I say sleep ? There wasn't much of it this week , more tossing and turning .

Usually , it doesn't bother me much , but somehow , this week I barely made it through . You could see it written all over my face especially with those dark circles under my eyes .

Receiving my mammogram results in the mail caused alot of my irritation . This is the second year in a row where I have to take another exam for further evaluation . Those breast exams hurt , but the further evaluation exams hurt like hell . I'm sure it means nothing and I'm not really worried , still who needs the aggravation .

Everytime , I put this cancer on a shelf to rest , it falls off and lands on my foot . Why doesn't it just sit there quietly while I live my life ?! There is always a reminder of that dreaded monkey on my back . Can't sweep anything under the rug here . Reality keeps popping up .

I'm sandwiched like an oreo trying to keep myself from being dunked in a glass of milk . I guess , I'm tired of fighting and just want to start living . Maybe , I'm really the one who is keeping that from happening . I'm expecting it to come back . I'm waiting for it to come back . That's the real problem here .

My doctor told me about one of her patients who upon finding out she has cancer , gave up her life here in Illinois and moved to Hawaii to live out the remainder of her life . She was there for five years waiting to die . She finally gave up and moved back home .

In a way , I have become that woman . I certainly didn't set out to do so , but it happened . Having experienced cancer twice now ,   has  made me aware of how fragile life really is . I don't want to feel sandwiched in without a way out , but then , the best part of an oreo is the middle .

Have a Blessed Week everyone .