everyday is a journey.
Since returning to work, I have been asked many questions in regards to my future plans involving my cancer. Everyone seems to want me to go on disability or retire early. And then what, I ask all of you?
Yes, my body hurts. Yes, my feet ache. Yes, it's a struggle. BUT, I'm not ready to hang it all up. As long as I can still move around, I want to continue working. I don't think I'm ready to hang it all up. As much as I complain about it, I need work. It isn't just about the money, but the mental and social livelihood of my soul.
Besides, there's more to it than that. Some may think that by climbing a mountain, they have somehow conquered it, but we can only be visitors on that mountain. That's how I feel about my cancer. There is only one way I will ever conquer this cancer and that's when God takes me home. Don't ever think that my dying means I have lost the battle. Instead, I have won it. I'll be with my Lord and Savior.
I don't think much of this so called battle. I don't consider myself a warrior of any kind. All the praise of a strong woman is a joke. I'm just as scared of the unknown as the next person. I guess the difference lies in how I approach my disease. I definitely don't want to waste the precious time I have wallowing in self pity, hatred or in a state of limbo. I want to do as much as I can in the short time I'm here.
There is a deep desire within me to do and be so much more. There are times where I feel restricted by my own fears, inadequacies or just by the world itself. I want to help people even if that means only one instead of thousands. I am extremely passionate about my Ministry and this blog. These are not just mere words to me, I hope they bring comfort to someone. Let my experience be a light to someone who is lost and searching for answers. I want to be used by God by doing His work.
The same goes for a crochet hat or scarf that is made by the loving hands of my ladies. Maybe this simple hat will bring warmth to a homeless person during a cold Winter. Or a baby blanket for a first time mom who has so much less than us. A mom who cries herself to sleep wondering how she will provide for her family.
These are such simple little things that mean so much to others that are in pain. They need to know by simple gestures that someone out there cares what happens to them. My battle with cancer isn't about the medical mambo jumbo, the chemo, the radiation. No, my battle lies with the limited time I have to be of use. To me, Giving Tuesday, is every single day. I hope it is yours, too.
Have a blessed day everyone.
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