Uggh! Those unrelenting irritations! I believe God had me work through my cancer during this time. I think I really was too sick the first time. I needed to go through all of this to be where I am now.
Most of all, I remember feeling so very hopeless and victim-like. I had to deal with the concept of dying. That is so difficult to overcome and yet so necessary for anyone going through a chronic illness.
Getting Angry
On Monday, I totally lost it and became so angry that I did something that I never thought I would. It started out with my car overheating as I drove Emily to work early in the morning. Once again, it was something real stupid like a rubber cap that needed to be replaced for the cost of .99 cents. Whatever.
From that point on nothing and I mean nothing worked. It was an escalade of events that came crashing down like a tower. I started crying and I yelled at God. I just started yelling at Him when was He going to make this stop. When was this all going to stop already. I'm tired. What in the world could I have done for all of this to happen to me.
You know, 5 years ago, it was different. I had so many surgeries and complications, infections etc. There were so many other things going on physically there really wasn't anytime for the mental part. Last time I was attacked physically and this time it seems I'm being attacked with my faith . I'm so overwhelmed with all of this. My faith is strong but what happened Monday really scared me. I thought I was past that. I guess I'm not.
I felt so alone. It took my girl to calm me down that day. She just amazed me in her attitude. My girl who is so negative at times, told me to quit stressing that God would take care of everything.
" Didn't I tell you mom, that the car would get fixed? God took care of us. "
I just want this to be over.
Have a blessed day everyone.
From that point on nothing and I mean nothing worked. It was an escalade of events that came crashing down like a tower. I started crying and I yelled at God. I just started yelling at Him when was He going to make this stop. When was this all going to stop already. I'm tired. What in the world could I have done for all of this to happen to me.
You know, 5 years ago, it was different. I had so many surgeries and complications, infections etc. There were so many other things going on physically there really wasn't anytime for the mental part. Last time I was attacked physically and this time it seems I'm being attacked with my faith . I'm so overwhelmed with all of this. My faith is strong but what happened Monday really scared me. I thought I was past that. I guess I'm not.
I felt so alone. It took my girl to calm me down that day. She just amazed me in her attitude. My girl who is so negative at times, told me to quit stressing that God would take care of everything.
" Didn't I tell you mom, that the car would get fixed? God took care of us. "
I just want this to be over.
Have a blessed day everyone.
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