Low On Energy

                                         Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

Not so in haste, my heart!

Have faith in God and wait;

Although he linger long,

He never comes too late.

Until he cometh, rest,

Nor grudge the hours that roll;

The feet that wait for God

Are soonest at the goal;

Are soonest at the goal

That is not gained by speed;

Then hold thee still, my heart,

For I shall wait his lead.

--Bayard Taylor.

I'm the type of person who thrives in the busyness of life, even though you may hear me complaining about the lack of time to accomplish tasks. I feel productive and useful when I can mark off items off the "to do" list. That's why it's so difficult for me to accept the new me with this hormone treatment.

I have had different types of treatments, each one came with totally opposite symptoms. Yet, I've never felt this sluggish, low on energy and basically immobile. I have no desire to do anything. I feel as if I'm taking a muscle relaxer or smoking a joint (without the high). All chaos could run rampart in front of me and I would probably just sit there and smile through it all.

I could sit on the couch and look out the window, watching the world go by. I literally have to force myself to get up and do something. This is so unlike me. What's worse is that I'm happy to do just that.

Now in the past, I would have gone with the flow until the treatment was over. This time it's very different. The treatment could last years, if I'm blessed. So I'm very worried that my energy level will keep going down and all the things I love to do will no longer be the goals that I can achieve.

Life seems to be ever changing, ever adapting to the different situations we come up against. Life is a constant problem solving to all the obstacles. So I'm trying very hard to find a solution to this new change in my life. I need to work, I need to volunteer and I need to continue writing.

Now take yesterday. Since it was Monday, I felt very much energized and ready to go as I walked into work. After lunch and still three more hours to go, I felt totally drained, tired and ready for bed. I couldn't wait to get home and take off my shoes. This morning, I struggled to get up at a reasonable hour. I'm not sure what will happen, but I can't fight it.

Have a Blessed day everyone.