Blending With The Wallpaper

JEREMIAH 31:31–40

      "I will put my law within them, and I will write it on their hearts. And I will be their God, and they shall be my people."

All of my life , I have been a leader , whether I wanted to be one or not . I've always done what has been expected of me , guilt playing  a huge role in my life . 

Guilt has pushed me to do things outside of my comfort level . No matter how busy I could be , people could lay the guilt at my door and I would end up fulfilling their wish list . 

But . . . . .  I can't blame it all on guilt . It may have played a part , but not the whole thing . I can't seem to say no . Ask me to pick up your children from school everyday for a week and I will find myself agreeing before I know what has happened . 

Why do I do that ? How many times have I gone without sleep , because I'm fulfilling an obligation ? How many times have I been behind , because of an over-scheduled date book ? 

All I want to do is blend in with the wallpaper and not be seen nor      heard . Let me sit quietly in a corner observing and doing my thing . A safe , little nook where life cannot touch me . Obviously , God has other plans for me .

I think a part of it has to do with my being a single mom . I know how difficult it can be when one is alone . When someone asks a favor of me , my mind immediately goes to a time when the same has happened to me . I can relate to how helpless and alone a person can feel when faced with a problem . 

So yes , I feel guilt at not helping . Yes , I feel obligated to help . Am I not looking for the same thing every time my car breaks down ? 

Whenever that feeling of disappearing into the wallpaper occurs , usually God provides a tiny reminder of why we are here sharing this earth with others . A request will be made . A date for breakfast will be set . A text message will appear . Let's not forget to answer .

Have a Blessed day everyone .