Our linen closet is overbrimming with stuff . It's cluttered and just looks a mess . Everytime I open the door , I grimace , waiting for the mess to come crashing to the floor .
We really need to clean it up .
But not today . Today , I'm too tired or I don't have enough time . All these excuses pop into my head . The problem is that I just don't feel ready to undertake this project . It's just too overwhelming . Instead , I just keep piling other stuff on top of it . That's a conversation I hold with myself everyday .
In the kitchen , our stove needs a good scrubbing from the last couple of days . I can feel my shoulders droop everytime I look at it .
We really need to clean it up .
So , why don't I just roll up my sleeves and get to it ? Because I just don't feel like it . I don't want to do anything this week . Keep making excuses on why I'm too busy . The reality is that I can't deal with anything right now . My chemo is coming up in a week and that has always been pretty dim . I need this quiet time to myself .
Sometimes , I wonder how young people deal with an illness . I have no small children or husband to take care of . I can always retreat into my unreal world . I can escape , but they can't . Their families have needs , they have responsibilities . How or when do they escape ? Maybe , they never do and for that I feel for them .
There are days that I don't want to think about my health , or FMLA , or what to make for dinner . I can't even come up with a title for today's blog . Today , I just want to " be ".
Have a Blessed Week everyone .
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