everyday is a journey.
Hello everyone to day two of another lost story I haven't posted, but written years ago. It's funny to me to try to figure out where my mind was at this stage of treatment. Again, I have to remind everyone that this story is a post of the past and not what is going right now with me. I am in great health, being in remission for a year and a half now. I hope this post helps someone who perhaps is going through the same thing. Enjoy.
I'm so incredibly stressed I can barely contain myself within the realms of everyday life and the duties that are required of me. Deep down inside I already know what the future holds and yet, I cling to hope. I'm not exactly sure if my sanity can last until the test results come in.
Am I ready for this again? No, I need a little more time. Just a little more . . . . please.
I went about my day in a robotic fashion, quiet and deep in thought. Looking around at all the people, some arguing and causing distress over absolutely nothing. I know that at that moment, their problems seem so very large and important, but are they really? If they were faced with life and death choices, what would be that one important factor in their life? Would they continue bickering with the people in their life? I wondered, really wondered what would change in their life, if it would change at all.
Even the world outside is so filled with negativity whether it is nations fighting over faith or road rage on the freeway. People seemed to have lost their purpose and placed their priorities on the wayside. All their wants have been placed to the top of the list in the needs department. We just want and we take, but we never actually give.
But then, am I any better? Wasn't I like them only a few days ago? What was my biggest concern at that time? Was it that co-worker that I cannot stand? Perhaps, juggling around my finances so I can go on vacation. What was my biggest concern? I can't even remember now.
My family's behavior during this week wasn't any different. All over Facebook, accusations flew back and forth as tempers grew. Threats of deletion hung in the air. For what? In disgust, I turned social media off, feeling embarrassment for just knowing these people, let alone call them my family.
No one seems to understand how quickly we can lose it all. How quickly the end can come. Why does it take a tragedy for us to wake up? Even then, when we overcome our struggles, we seem to quickly forget it all again and resume our past existence.
We are such Israelites. Moses struggled with these people constantly as he tried to continually please them. Yet, they never were. Isn't that how we are? No matter how much God provides for us we always want more. When He doesn't provide right away, we become disillusioned and forget about Him. Let cancer threaten our life or our marriage disintegrate, we fall to our knees in Praise, asking for forgiveness.
I question myself. Have I become one of these people without even realizing it? Have I fallen to the wayside, not devoting myself to what is important? Have I neglected my priorities and only focused on my wants? Looking in the mirror can be so unpleasant at times, but very necessary.
By the time night came, I have calmed down enough to run a mental list through my mind of what needed to be done after I received the "good news" tomorrow. Yes, I was slowly accepting what I already knew in my heart.
Have a blessed day everyone.
No comments:
Post a Comment