2016 Treatment

                                              Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.



How awful is the thought of the wonders underground,
Of the mystic changes wrought in the silent, 
dark profound!
How each thing upward tends by necessity decreed,
And the world's support depends on the shooting of a seed!

The summer's in her ark, 
and this sunny-pinioned day
Is commissioned to remark whether Winter holds her sway:
Go back, thou dove of peace, 
with myrtle on thy wing,
Say that floods and tempests cease, 
and the world is ripe for Spring.

--Horace Smith.

177.50 dollars in parking

43 visits to U.I.C.

512 miles ONE WAY

I sat at my desk, calculator in front of me, as I prepared my taxes. Was this really my year? Did I really do all those miles last year? Was it really 43 visits to the clinic? It's hard to imagine, but that was my life last year. Doctors, surgery, treatments ruled my life for almost 6 months. 

Imagine what it would have looked like if it was an ongoing illness that needed to be treated daily. There are people out there who have to deal with Chronic Illness as a lifestyle. I have been extremely fortunate in my illness that I do receive a grace period of rest. It may go by quickly, but I do have it. For some people that is just not possible. 

I ended up spending a great Spring and Summer sleeping in late, enjoying my mornings before work. I still have a huge chunk of vacation left, because I didn't have any appointments. Glorious! A truly blessed and glorious feeling of freedom to live like everyone else. I am grateful for that, so I thank the Lord for His many blessings bestowed upon me. 

Have a Blessed day everyone.

The Workday

                                                             Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.                                  



Discouraged in the work of life, 
Disheartened by its load, 
Shamed by its failures or its fears, 
I sink beside the road;-- 
But let me only think of Thee, 
And then new heart springs up in me. 
S. LONGFELLOW.


No where else do we spend so much of our time as in the workplace. We love, hate and gossip there more than anywhere else. Many people find love, have affairs and break up over and over again right in the workplace. I should know, I had a few of my own. In my youth, that is. 

Yet, it is one of my major struggles. I've been there for over 22 years and I guess there are no more surprises or challenges for me. I'm tired. I'm bored and I'm ready to leave. I always thought I would retire like everyone else at the ripe age of social security. I don't know if I can last that long.

Everyday I hear my fellow co-workers speak disparagingly about our work life. Honestly, it's not the company, but just work in general. Very few people out there truly enjoy their jobs. They are usually the career people with degrees who have chosen their professions. You see, our profession chose us, because of our bad choices in our youth. We also could have had that career if we dedicated ourselves and made better decisions. I'm not trying to create bad feelings here among everyone. I also made poor decisions which have led me down a difficult path and here I am, hopefully a little wiser for it.

All in all, I feel I have rather done well in life. I may not be wealthy or hold a career, but I was able to raise my children in pretty much middle America. I may not hold a degree, but I do have a job that pays well with insurance, benefits and a pension. By the time I retire in five years, I will be 100% debt free. I think that's pretty good for someone who was a single mom. Trust me, I'm not applauding myself here, because I could have done so much more with my life. 

Like I have said many times before, I struggle immensely in my workplace. I have heard many a sermons on the subject of work and how we as Christians need to look upon our jobs as serving God. It is extremely difficult for me. Somehow, I haven't been able to view it that way. Instead, I put on a smile and walk in every single day with a renewed hope that today will be different. Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't. I do know one thing, everyday is a brand new day. Whatever happened yesterday no longer exists. That's how I look at my workplace. No matter how bad it may become, tomorrow we begin anew. Thank goodness for that!

Have a blessed day everyone. 

The Handbook

                                                                                 Everyday is a brand new day,                  
                                                                                 everyday is a journey. 


Lord, we have wandered forth through doubt and sorrow,
    And Thou hast made each step an onward one;
  And we will ever trust each unknown morrow,--
    Thou wilt sustain us till its work is done.
S. JOHNSON.



Every year by my work, we are given a handbook on all the policies the company stands for and ones we have to abide by as associates. A sort of list of rules from the Company. It took me a very long time to realize that life has a guidebook as well to living fully. It's the Bible. I can actually see the grimace on your face, but it's true. 

Before I became a believer, whenever I heard a Christian say something like that or similar, I'd roll my eyes. It would drive me crazy, because I did not understand. How could the Bible, that is filled with all these phrases that no one in their right mind could decipher, be a guidebook for life. That's what I thought back then.

My first encounter with reading the Bible occurred many years ago when my children were small. I'm not sure if I was reading to just Emily or both of them, but I decided to read the Bible to them before bed. I opened it up to a random section and began reading. It happened to be on the subject of if you look at your neighbor's wife, pluck that eye out. I was shocked. What kind of book was this? I thought it was a Holy Book! Well, that was that! I closed the Bible and went on my way.

What we don't understand, we make fun of and try our best to discredit. When I finally became a believer, I engrossed myself in Bible study to learn the Word of God. I wanted to understand. I wanted to know all about the Christ Jesus. I'm still learning. It wasn't until I began reading the Bible from beginning to end that I was able to see the sequence of events that led up to Jesus dying on the Cross for me. For us. For the World. 

So yes, the Bible is my guidebook for life. I wish that everyone I ever meet in life, would end up knowing and having an intimate relationship with Jesus the way I do. That is my one wish for all of you. There is nothing close in my life as the fulfillment I feel in having God in my life. And I hope you do, too. 

Have a blessed day everyone. 

The Tent City Project

                                                            Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                            everyday is a journey.

Twas doing nothing was his curse—
Is there a vice can plague us worse?
The wretch who digs the mine for bread,
Or plows, that others may be fed,
Feels less fatigue than that decreed
To him who cannot think, or read.
Not all the peril of temptations,
Not all the conflict of the passions,
Can quench the spark of Glory's flame,
Or quite extinguish Virtue's name.

—Hannah More.

It wasn't my idea to go out onto the streets where the homeless dwell. I don't have the guts, the bravery to go where we witness the desolate. I prefer to be like the countless out there, serving the poor from afar. Luckily, one of my ladies feels the need to be out there in her community. Not everyone is afraid to get their hands dirty. Thank goodness for that. 

This project has been in progress for over 5 1/2 months. A lot of work went into all of this. A lot of collecting, cutting into strips and rolling these plastic bags into what we call plarn. The next step consists of crocheting these plastic strips of plarn into a sleeping mat for the homeless. A lot of begging for plastic grocery bags from all of my friends and family. Yes, you heard me right, I was begging. 

I have to admit, I was a little scared at first. I'm not really good at meeting people for the first time, especially ones who are so different from me. And we are different from each other. The last thing I wanted to do is come off unfeeling, uncaring about their situation. I've never had to face in life what they are experiencing. It could be easily mishandled by me if I'm not careful. I'm not here to embarrass anyone. I'm here to serve them. 

                                                            The homeless mat.

Matthew 25:34-46Modern English Version (MEV)

34 “Then the King will say to those at His right hand, ‘Come, you blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you since the foundation of the world. 35 For I was hungry and you gave Me food, I was thirsty and you gave Me drink, I was a stranger and you took Me in. 36 I was naked and you clothed Me, I was sick and you visited Me, I was in prison and you came to Me.’

                                                           One in blue.

                                                       One in mostly white.

   One of many colors.

White with red.

One with many streaks.

                                                   One with black stripes.

I made a minor miscalculation. Originally, we wanted to go out and pass them out in Tent City before they are dispersed by the police for the Summer. I totally miscalculated the amount of time it would take me to do this. Summer came and I was still working on these. Here we are at the end of Summer, Fall fast approaching and it quickly became apparent we needed a change of plans. 

We decided on choosing a homeless facility that dealt with large numbers. We were able to find one by accident actually, while speaking with a friend at work. She wanted to know what I intended to do with all these plastic bags I was collecting. One thing led to another and BAM, we had a shelter. 

The day before the delivery, once again, we had to make sudden changes. The shelter we chose wasn't accepting anymore mats at this time. I have to admit, I felt a bit defeated and the devil began creeping in. Negative thoughts evaded my mind, telling me how ugly these mats were and no one wanted them. I began praying for God to find a home somewhere for them, a shelter that could really use them. We ended up choosing a shelter we have donated to many times before and I'm glad. When we went there, people were filing in for breakfast, children included. 

I want to thank my partner in crime, Cindy, for helping me with this project's delivery and distribution. I am grateful that she was with me to help maneuver around the many, many city's closed streets and construction. Without her knowledge of the area, I would have been circling in despair. I am also grateful for the many volunteers throughout all the shelters in the fifty states that take the time to serve others. 

                                               The delivery. 

Have a blessed day everyone. 

My Daily Coffee Break

                                                                    Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.



A cup of java has certainly changed over the years. In fact, it's hard to find a place where one can get an ordinary cup of coffee. Yes, just black or with cream. Nowadays, a cup of coffee has a fanciful name attached to it. You can have a French Kiss or a Mocha Latte or an Americano. For me, I'll stick with a plain cup of coffee with cream and sugar. 

One thing that hasn't changed is our need for a daily coffee break. We all have separate reasons for needing that moment of peace and quiet to ourselves. We make sure we make that time to read a book, bask in the sunshine of Summer and even get a manicure. Yet, we can't find the time to spend time with our Savior.

We spend so much time living in guilt. We keep going over and over in our minds what could have been, should have been and a whole bunch of only ifs. Fear truly holds us hostage and keeps us from moving forward. I have been afraid all of my life. Afraid of making it alone. Afraid of making a mistake or doing anything too risky. Afraid of moving on. Afraid of living, period. 

I've found that almost all of my decisions have been based on quick thinking. The answers had to come now, not later. It was somehow extremely important to resolve the situation as fast as possible. Why? Why couldn't I wait a little bit longer? Why couldn't I take my daily break to listen to what God was saying to me? I needed to have some alone time to find those answers. 

There is something so powerful in a trial. .. we actually learn from it. We learn how to cope, how to solve issues and how to react in a situation. All of that came from years of struggles. That didn't come overnight. It came from taking the time to sit down, really go over all the details and listening to the Word of God. Take that moment, even a few minutes, to bask in the beauty of what has been created just for us. Who knows what you may discover in the process.

Have a blessed day everyone. 

The Life Of A Recluse

                                                Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.



When the lamp is shattered
The light in the dust lies dead--
When the cloud is scattered
The rainbow's glory is shed.
When the lute is broken
Sweet tones are remembered not;
When the lips have spoken
Loved accents are soon forgot.

--Percy Bysshe Shelley. 

The life of a recluse has never been more appealing to me than now. Who wouldn't want to hide away from the world, especially now when it has been so full of negativity. Everyone seems to be so full of anger toward one another, even people who claim to be your friends. Often we see on social media, our friends taking a break from the everyday barrage of news. I don't want to be arguing socialism, racism, the right to choose and the right to express my faith. I don't want to fight. I just want to live with everyone in peace. 

I wish everyone else felt the same.

There are people out there who view retirement as something that happens to someone else, not them. They don't want to retire. They're not that old. I am not one of those people. I've been thinking quite a lot on that very subject. To me, retirement means stress-less life. Everything we do will be done in leisure. My life wouldn't change much, except that I wouldn't be working. I wouldn't have to deal with all those people. 

There's a part of me that I fight on a daily basis. The part that wants to be left alone. I don't want to socialize. I don't want to deal with other people and their bad manners. More like a lack of manners. I probably would never leave my apartment. The problem here is that there is a huge, huge BUT! I am a Christ follower and that means people. So I struggle. I fight my inner being when she desires to run away. I think that's why I fill up my calendar, to keep myself busy among people.

That also could be why I enjoy social media so much. I can post something and walk away. I don't have to converse if I don't want to and if I do, I can comment to several people all at once. If I don't care for something someone said, I can turn it off. I don't have to sit face to face with them, exercising my social graces. It seems I'm not the only one feeling that way. People use their phones to communicate via social media more than they do in public. My desire to live a reclusive lifestyle might actually happen if people don't look up from their cell phones. 

Would I really like living the life of a recluse? We say all sorts of things in the heat of the moment, but when we are faced with that decision, it's a different matter altogether. Take last Summer when I was recuperating at home from the treatment. There were days I was going absolutely bonkers in the apartment, going from room to room, feeling unrest. We need to go out into the world once in a while, because we need variety. People provide that variety. 

So the next time society drives me crazy, I don't have to run for the hills. I just need a rest, a getaway from it all for a weekend. We all desire once in a while, that chilling kind of day at home unplugged from everyone else. Don't be afraid to take that day. We all could use one.

Have a blessed day everyone. 

The Best Of Six

                                                          Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                           everyday is a journey.



The tissue of the life to be,
We weave with colors all our own
And in the field of Destiny
We reap as we have sown.

--Raphael.

So we have been living here in our new apartment now for almost five months. In that time, we have had many good times and also some let downs. Here is our list of the good, the bad and the ugly. 


Top Six Best
1. I love coming home from work within ten minutes. You can't beat that, especially on those hard nights where your feet ache and you can't wait to get home. 

2. I love waking up to the sounds of birds chirping. Every ten buildings or so have their own courtyard with benches, an area to barbecue and a small path usually used by dog walkers. I make it sound like a huge place, but on the contrary, it's small and secluded. On the weekends, children fill the courtyard with their laughter. 

3. The Flow
Yes, the flow. There is a flow to the apartment that is so peaceful. It is a different layout which allows us to have some sort of privacy from one another when needed. We don't have have to use the air conditioner as much since there is an air flow from the open window in the living room all the way up to the kitchen's open window. It just flows from one end to the other in a beautiful breeze. Quiet and peaceful. Love it

4. Mom is living a few minutes from us. You have no idea the blessing in that. We have lived over 30 minutes away on a good day with no traffic. If we needed to make a visit for any reason, we would have to spend the entire morning and then head out to work right after. Now, if she needs a drive to Walgreens or to Church, it only takes a few minutes.

5. Emily and I work right across from each other. In fact, only  the crossing of the street separates us. We even have the same work schedule majority of the time where we drive together to and fro from work. Only God would place us so perfectly, only God. 

6. New friendships. Every time we move, we begin a new job or Church or just about anything. . . . new friendships form. Unfortunately, that also means that we lose some old ones in the process. 

I am sure that there are plenty more good reasons as well as some bad, but we can't list everything, can we? There is one more wonderful reason. Emily and I were just talking about it the other day. We feel as if this was our little private sanctuary away from everyone. It may not be "all that", but it sure is quiet around here, especially when we need it the most. We all have those days when we need to unwind from life itself. I hope you have that sanctuary in your life. 

Have a blessed day everyone. 

Spiritual Gifts

                                                                  Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.


Plant in us an humble mind,
Patient, pitiful, and kind;
Meek and lowly let us be,
Full of goodness, full of Thee.
C. WESLEY.

According to my Pastor, we all have three spiritual gifts. Two of these gifts are extremely easy for us, but the third, that's the one that depletes us. Do you know you're spiritual gifts? My three, in the exact order, are: my blog, my crocheting ministry and my servitude/duty. 

I love writing and never realized just how much until I began this blog back in 2011. It's not something that is a hardship in anyway, but I feel I have to write about my journey with cancer, spirituality and my role in it. I originally began writing for my children, but ended up continuing this blog to inform people about life with cancer. I was so uninformed and naive when first diagnosed that I didn't want others to feel the same way. There are many hurting people out there and I wanted to help as much as I could. There are days where I am unable to write a post and I feel guilty. I feel guilty, because I should make the time. I should be better at this. 

My Crocheting Ministry has always felt more God driven than my own doing. It sort of happened on it's own without any real preparation from me. Keeping it going is a different story, involving a lot of behind the scenes work. People think I sit around and crochet all day. I wish it was true. The truth is that someone has to organize gatherings, search online and contact different charitable organizations. Or at least, check them out. Someone has to actively fundraise for free donations of yarn or supplies. Without donations, we just wouldn't be able to go on as a Ministry. Supplies of yarn have to be distributed among the volunteers and picked up. Then all the items are washed, folded, packaged and delivered to the charity of choice. A lot of work, but I love it.

In fact, both of these I love and enjoy doing. Where my struggle falls involves what I call my servitude/duty. I have this "thing" about coming to the need of others. If someone needs a ride, my hand immediately goes up. Someone cancels in Sunday School, I grab my Bible. It's these things that get me into trouble. It's these things that turn into a second, third or more commitment that involves total scheduling of responsibilities. I want to help, but somehow I become engrossed heavily in the problem or need of that individual. I struggle, but I finish whatever needs to be done. I walk away exhausted, because once again, I have over extended myself. I'm tired and end up taking a break.

It's funny, because it is the third one that I'm really known for. When there is a need, I'm usually the one they approach first. Take the Purple Baby Hats for Shaken Baby Syndrome. Do you know how many people have copied and pasted that ad to my Facebook, private messenger, my e-mail, and phone? They knew I would take it on. . . . right along with the homeless mats, the red heart baby hats, the blankets for the homeless. There's a deadline? Don't worry. I'll make it happen. At the end of it, I will be very happy for being part of it, but exhausted. 

So what are your spiritual gifts and how do they fall in order? Which are your two easy ones and which one is the depleting one? I would love to know your answers. 

Have a blessed day everyone.

The Six Year Plan:The RV

                             Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.


Truly God follows us with encouragements: 
let him not lose his blessing upon us! 
They come in season, 
and with all the advantages of heartening, 
as if God should say
 "Up and be doing, 
and I will stand by you and help you!"
 There is nothing to be feared 
but our own sin and sloth.
--Oliver Cromwell.

The minute I saw my brother's Rv, I fell in love with it. I could also envision myself living there. The space was just amazing. Who knew that an RV had so much storage and room available all hidden neatly away. He did graciously offer me a weekend trying it out, Of course, that never materialized as life interfered once again. Eventually, he sold it a few years later.

That Rv spurred me on to do as much research as I could on the upkeep, living full time in it, the costs etc. I wanted to see if it would check off everything on my list. For a very long time, an Rv remained on top of my list as the perfect home for me. 

Unfortunately, an Rv really has been a seasonal home, built mostly for camping. It does provide heating and cooling using propane or you can hook up to the grid when in a park. Either way, it can become costly and besides, the insulation is quite poor. Now, don't confuse a mobile/park model home where it's basically stationary. That is totally different from what I am speaking of here. 

I have watched numerous YouTube videos of folks living in hot temperatures like Arizona or in cold temperatures like Washington while in an Rv. All say the same thing. It is a great experience except for a couple of things. 

1. While it can heat or cool, the poor insulation does not retain the temperature. One has to heat or cool the entire time. Hence, the cost of propane or maybe if one has hookups in a park (or private land) they are cheaper. Not really sure.
2. The water pressure isn't all that great, especially in the shower. 
3.There is always something breaking down, especially if you are mobile. 
4. Critters seem to get inside.

Now, while number #2 and #3 don't really matter to me. I think it is workable and I would be stationary. Number #4 I can do something about it by getting a cat and making sure there are no gaps anywhere. Also, plenty of peppermint everywhere. Number #1 would be a problem for me.  I could stay warm and cool, but the cost would not be worth it. 

Again, I am only going by what others have complained about the most when it comes to Rv living. Majority of them can be bought used and quite inexpensively, too. That can be a problem in itself. There have been complaints of mold issues, because of leaking water. The refrigerators seem to gunk out and new ones are very, very expensive. Yeah, the upkeep can become pricey. 

One can purchase a brand new model for the cost of a brand new home. That's how expensive they run. Another thing to remember, they are made to travel in seasonally, not live in permanently. It would be much better to purchase a park model/mobile home. Having weighed all of my options, I can see it would not be a doable and cost efficient way to go. So the search continues.

Have a blessed day everyone.

A Bird Of Any Other Name

                                                                         Everyday is a brand new day, 
                                                                         everyday is a journey.





Are you a night owl or an early bird? It was this question posed by an old friend that sent me off into reflection. It seems that nowadays it doesn't take much for me to go off into lala land. Boy, am I getting old!

I, no longer am able to stay up all night nor exist on just four hours of sleep. I like my sleep. I need my sleep. I think back to my youth and wonder mystically how in the world did I stay up all night and work the next day existing on a few hours of sleep. Those days are gone.

I need rest and plenty of it. Some could say that my cancer has worn out my body and I believe it could be true. My age has definitely something to do with it, too. There is a difference in me since my last treatment. I have slowed down quite a bit.

Although, there is a distant part of me that longs for the night owl to return. I was able to do so much at night without any interruptions. Those were the days of my writing muse inspiring me like never before. Could it be the silence of the night where one could think more clearly? There was no laundry to load or answer a phone call. We couldn't do chores around the place. People were sleeping and we could write in peace.

I miss that, really miss that. 

A few months back, I had an early morning appointment for a Ct Scan. I think I ended up being the very first patient of the day (7 am). I sat there waiting for everyone to arrive. It was still dark outside and one could see the lights come on slowly in the surrounding buildings. The same could be said of the cars on the street. I sat there and watched the world come alive to a new day. It was beautiful and I couldn't wait to run home and start typing. I was so inspired by my view. 

The one thing I don't have here at the new place is a view. The bedroom windows were leveled with my desk at the last place so I could easily see outside. Not so here. I really miss that! Right now, I'm staring at my wall. 

We all become nostalgic from time to time, missing the good moments of our life the most. I wonder if we knew at that time that they were good moments? Hmm, something to definitely ponder. 

Have a Blessed day everyone. 

That Yellow Post It Note

                                                        Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                         everyday is a journey.



The seed ye sow another reaps,
The wealth ye find another keeps,
The robe ye weave another wears,
The arms ye forge another bears.

--Percy Bysshe Shelley.

I found myself this morning, rummaging around in my small file boxes looking for my vacation schedule. The things I find in the process! Old notes and letters that I've held onto for whatever important reason at that time. Now it just escapes me. It was there, among all these so called important papers that a small post it note stared up at me.

I have nothing left, but my tears. 

My own handwriting. What on earth could have been happening to me during that time to evoke such a heart wrenching sentence? There was no date and I definitely have no recollection of writing it. Yet, I know it is mine.

It would be normal to assume it had to be written during one of my treatments, but I really don't think so. To be honest, it was probably something very minor and insignificant where I felt sorry for myself. A regular pity party of no great importance.

Take this past weekend. I spent Saturday morning, running around with mom in tow, grocery shopping and my Ministry Gathering all rolled into one. In the afternoon, I cleaned my apartment, my oven, my refrigerator and my bathroom. I was busy and ended the day having dinner with my mom. All that was left to do was laundry, so I left that for after Church on Sunday. 

After the service, I felt delighted with myself for having accomplished so much the day before. I thought to myself, after having the laundry done, I could relax with my writing and crocheting. Came home and decided to take a short 30 minute nap before beginning my Sunday schedule. 

Well, it was during that nap that my knees swelled up, aching all the way to my toes. I moaned and groaned in self pity. I laid on the couch. I laid on the bed. I propped these painful suckers on stacks of pillows. I iced them with packs and warmed them up with heating pads. One would think the end of the world was coming with all the fuss I was making. All afternoon this melodrama droned on until evening. And then it was over, the swelling went down. 

Now, staring down at that silly, over dramatic post it note, I wonder about the day I wrote it. I'm sure it was another moment in my life like the Sunday I just had. A moment where it felt I was going to die smothered in self pity. Imagine, twenty years down the road after I'm gone from this world. Imagine someone finding that yellow post it note. What would they think? They would think surely this woman was depressed. What a horrible image to leave behind. Let this be a lesson to me. Be careful what we write in the heat of emotion. 

Have a blessed day everyone. 

Just Plain Bitter

                                              Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.



Was the trial sore?
Temptation sharp? 
Thank God a second time!
Why comes temptation but for a man to meet
And master and make crouch beneath his foot,
And so be pedestaled in triumph? 
Pray"Lead us into no such temptations, Lord!
"Yea, but, O thou whose servants are the bold,
Lead such temptations by the head and hair,
Reluctant dragons, up to who dares fight
That so he may do battle and have praise.

--Robert Browning

You know, if I didn't get cancer, I'd be pretty bitter. Bitter at the world. Bitter at my life. Bitter at my family and friends. Just plain bitter. 

Bitterness needs to be spit out as soon as possible. You can tell right away when you have it. It sort of just sits there in the pit of your belly. Spit it out quickly before wrath settles in and begins to smolder. Wrath is like coal where all it needs is a small ember to fuel that anger and bitterness. Next thing you know, a full blown bonfire is roaring away. It's not that easy to put it out.

I've been bitter like that in the past. Trust me, you don't want to go there. I've become so consumed with certain people in my life and the way they wronged me, I couldn't see past that emotional bitterness toward them. I thought I would never get over it. I literally had to eliminate them from my sight and purposely began to avoid them. Out of sight, out of mind. 

I threw myself into various projects and turned off social media. Social media can be the very devil! I love it, but it can turn on you. I'm ashamed to admit it, because eliminating people isn't really the Christian way of doing things. I should have been able to rise above it and dealt with it, but I couldn't. 

Now, looking back, I'm glad I've finally been able to put to rest all that bitterness. I haven't felt like that before about anyone and it scared the daylights out of me. Who knew that bitterness could take root inside my heart so quickly? And so bitterly?

We live and hopefully, we learn. It's not easy for me to go back and reflect on a "not so proud moment" in my life. Should I have handled it differently? Absolutely! I wish I was above all that emotional mess, but I guess I failed in that department. I'm glad it's over and I can look back on the individuals involved painlessly and unemotionally. Thank you Lord for that!

Have a blessed day everyone.