I cannot tell you enough how much I love this woman. When I was a very young woman, I came across some of her work. Instant love, Folks. I felt as if seeing myself in the mirror. Now, I'm not comparing her writing to mine at all. I am a mere amateur, but her sense of humor. She had a sarcastic, satirical way of saying things where one wondered what really laid underneath that exterior or that comment. Being a sarcastic person myself, I understood her humor and her way of writing.
Last night, I came across another story of hers and it was like Stop The Presses! I immediately wanted to share this with all of you.
Men Have a Six-Word Limit
by Erma Bombeck
I have publicly stated that men speak approximately six words a day in their homes. A few readers have challenged me and want to know what the six words are.
I should have qualified my statement. The six words are not necessarily spoken in sequence, nor are they necessarily spoken to wives.
A friend of mine, for example, has a husband who saves his six words until the Carson show has signed off and she is fast asleep. Then he snaps on all the lights in the bedroom, punches his pillow, shakes her out of a sound slumber and says, “Did you turn off the hose?”(6)
Some men will blow their quota at one time.
They’ll garage the car, make tracks to the kitchen, take the lid off the fry pan and announce loudly, “I had it for lunch.”(5) Then, realizing he has used only five words, he will add, “Yuck!”
Others will spend a half dozen words in obscenities directed toward Bobby’s bicycle in the driveway.
My week gets off to a slow start but builds to a feverish climax. Monday, Me: “Say something.” Him: “What ya want me to say?”(6) Tuesday, Me: “What kind of day did you have?”
Him: “Don’t aggravate me. You wouldn’t believe.”(6) Wednesday, Me: “Try me.” Him: “Where’s the rest of the paper?”(6) Thursday, Me: “We had a crisis here today.”Him: “The dog isn’t lost, is he?”(6)
Friday, Me: “Guess what? Know who called today? And is coming to dinner? And is bringing her new husband with her? And can’t wait to talk your arm off? Are you ready?”
Him: “No. No. No. No. No. No.”(6)
Saturday, Me: “I’ll be out for a while. I’ve got some errands to do at the shopping center.”
Him: “Admit it. My chattering gets on your nerves.”(8)Sunday, Me: “Do you know you spoke eight words to me yesterday? I wouldn’t be surprised if you were starting a new trend.”
Him: “Don’t count on it.”(4)
Part of man’s silence is woman’s doing. We created the strong, silent, masculine image. The silence represented deep thought, a repression of emotions. A quiet man was an island of mystery, a challenge to probe and discover as years went on. I always thought a quiet man was subtle and romantic.
But that was before I started arguing with the tropical fish over which channel we were going to watch.
Have a Blessed day everyone.
No comments:
Post a Comment