The Waiting Room

It's been a few months since I've been here at the hospital , waiting to see my oncologist . The experience once again moved me in ways I haven't expected . Feelings came up that I thought were long hidden away and dealt with . 

Driving to my appointment , listening to worship music , my eyes welled up unexpectedly . My stomach was in knots and nervous tension overwhelmed me , grinding my teeth on reflex . 

Why was I so nervous ?

I have been feeling great these past six months . Months that have been spent playing hooky not only from work , but also from my        cancer . I was in remission and like a child in a candy store , I wanted to play . 

This appointment brought back reality into a life that I found that I really missed . This carefree existence of no tests , needles , probing etc . I was normal with no threat of an illness hanging over me . 

Who would want to wake up from this dream ? 

I'm not afraid of the cancer coming back . I am afraid of losing this freedom I've been experiencing . Let me live it a while longer . Let me bask in it and breathe in it's glorious scent ! 

Sitting here in the waiting room of my oncologist , it's if I never left . Life does go on and on . I guess , it's time to come back to reality and to the game of prevention .

Have a Blessed day everyone .