A Kitchen Table

It's Monday morning and it has been raining since the middle of the night . I love the rain , I just wish I could be at home to take advantage of this
 day . Instead , getting ready for work is around the corner .

The weekend has passed by in a blink . Maybe , because it was a busy one , leaving no time to lounge around . Even with all that was accomplished this past weekend , I still feel unhappy with it .

Things were just not easy . There were a lot of disappointments , things that I had to quickly re-adjust to and many changes to plan A , B , and C . Now that it's all over , I feel exhausted . 

There have been too many of these weekends where I had to divert to a backup plan . Something is not right and changes have to be made . Maybe I am the one who needs to change ? 

I feel like I'm in a deep rut and can't seem to find my way out . Quite frankly , I'm tired of pretending or going along trying to make the best of every situation . 

I am not happy with my work schedule or lack of time . All of my nineteen years of hard work mean nothing . I'm starting over trying to prove myself to a whole lot of new people that I have what it takes . Here I thought we were working for the same company all these years . I shouldn't have to do any of it . 

As to my personal life , let me use this example from a movie from the 80"s I've since forgotten the title :
     In this movie , there was a young man who fell in love with a young 
girl , but she loved someone else . Her mom gave him this advice . She said to him :
     " See this kitchen table ? We need this table to eat on , to work on  , to converse on . No one pays any attention to this table , but take this table away and everyone will miss it . I want you to become this table . Come here everyday and say something to her ".

I've become that kitchen table . 

I have many faults like everyone else , but I do know my strengths . One of them happen to be endurance and strength . I pray for these two things in everything I do , so I can handle quite a lot on my plate . 

That can quickly turn into a downfall when people believe you can handle everything . They forget you have feelings , or pain , even difficulties in your life . 

So this morning , as the rain slowly drizzles on , I'm silently brooding and feeling sorry for myself . All I want to do is pack up and move far away and start over . Yet , we know that is not a reality right now . So instead , I pray to God to show me what I need to fix and how to fix it , even if that fix begins within me . 

Thanks for the vent , my friends . Have a Blessed day everyone .