Heaven On Earth

This morning I had a most beautiful worship time with God . A worship where one forgets where they are  or with whom . It was just the two of us .

 

This morning , God came to spend time with me . To sit beside me . To hold my hand as I shared my love for Him .

 

He loved me . He held me . He listened .

 

 

 

An Earthy Scene

by:Helen Motti

 

lets take a walk each day with God

for nature heals each weary heart

observe its beauty all around

God's masterpiece

his blessed art

behold the light at break of day

that brushes clouds with fiery hue

and hear the lilt of sweet bird song

that wakens flowers to life anew

the majesty each season shows

while splendid in such different ways

is given with Gods timeless love

for us to sharefor all our days

 

Have a Blessed day everyone .

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Question & Answer

Not all questions were regarding me .

1. How is your family reacting to your cancer ?
    My family has come a long way regarding my cancer . In the beginning , it was a traumatic shock for everyone . I have always been viewed as a strong individual health-wise . This turn of events certainly threw them for a loop .
   At first , I depended on them heavily for both physical and mental strength . As the years passed , all of us adjusted to my disease , except my mom . It has been especially hard on her .

2. How are your children handling your cancer ?
    Both of them reacted differently , yet the same . For my son , who always has been more emotional with his feelings , it was devastating . My daughter , on the other hand , kept her feelings more hidden and reacted in other ways .
    It has brought us even closer and we enjoy the time we have . Many people are surprised by how well we get along , but we recognize that our time is limited .

3. What has been the most difficult for your children ?
   I believe it was and still is , seeing me bald . They turn away and refuse to see me in that way . I think it reminds too much of the " victim " side of cancer . It brings it too close to home .

4. Did you think you would die ?
      Absolutely ! I wasn't the only one who thought that . In the beginning when I looked so bad , people I worked with  and even my own family members , thought I was done for . I barely weighed in at hundred pounds . It's only normal .

Well , I hope that answers some of your questions . Until next time , same place , same journey .

Have a Blessed day everyone .

An Online Bible Study

I just love a good Bible study . My dear friend Barb , sent me a link to an online one from Crossway for women . The good thing about this one is that we can work on this at our leisure . That's a good thing since we lead such busy lives . Here is some more information and a link .

Sign up to receive helpful content sent directly to your email inbox, including:

1. A daily devotional guiding you through the story of the Old Testament, including suggestions for reflection and prayer
    
2. Practical articles written by some of your favorite authors to encourage and equip you for personal or small group Bible study
    
3. Video interviews with well-known Christian women related to the life-changing power of God’s Word

Includes contributions from Jen Wilkin, Kathy Keller, Paul Tripp, Kristyn Getty,Nancy Guthrie, Gloria Furman, Elyse Fitzpatrick, and more!
For questions about this list, please contact:
womenoftheword@crossway.org


Have a Blessed day everyone .

Throwback Thursday

I've never struggled with anything more difficult in my life than gaining this weight and losing my hair . When I would glance in a mirror , I saw a stranger . Who is this person staring back at me ? I've been trying to find out since that faithful journey of mine has begun  all those years ago .


Losing Your Identity

My hair has been falling out . It's not a pretty sight . Everyday it gets worse . I don't think people realize what the process looks like when your hair starts shedding . Think of a chemical waste movie where the infected person 's hair is falling off in chunks . Globs....chunks. Yuck .

    It starts off with just some hair whenever you brush . Then a handful everytime you touch your hair. After that, you shed on your shoulders , pillow , bathtub . You don't even have to touch it .  Everyday it gets worse and worse . So I made the decision to shave it already .
   Four years ago , I shaved my head immediately when it started to fall out . This time , I have waited a lot longer . I mention this to someone and their response really ticked me off . This upset me so much I felt I needed to write about it . They wanted me to wait . " I mean , Lottie, its not that bad . "
   Really ? Really ? How would you know . That's like telling someone that has breast cancer...its just a breast . Or someone in a wheelchair.....its just a leg .People say the most insensitive things . This is why people who are going through tragedies do  not share their feelings with others . Another reason ....because they feel that no one understands what they are going through .
  Another huge misconception..............this is not vanity.......it is the loss of identity . My losing my hair is not about being attractive . Its about not recognizing myself .Who am I now? Who will I be when I come out of this ? Then there are my children who still have a hard time seeing me with no hair . I should just tell them its not that bad when they see globs of my hair hit the floor . How dramatic do you think that will be for them ?
  The funny thing is that the person who said it , if this happened to them , would have gone into a depression . I'm not saying this to make the person feel bad about themselves . I want people to be aware.
    Since starting this blog ,I have had so many relatives of patients come up to me and tell me how they never knew what they were feeling . How they kept all their emotions bottled up . How they wished they knew their thoughts .
   My feelings alone have been like a rollercoaster ride....up and down and up again . I think thats because I'm trying to find out who I am in all of this . This person staring in the mirror with a bald head...who is she ?Who will she become ?

Have a Blessed day everyone .

A Love Affair With Food

I really appreciate food .

As a little girl , I have many times embarrassed my brothers by inviting myself to the dinner table when visiting friends or neighbors . I was a chubby little girl who eventually grew out of her puppy fat  . 

When we came to America , I was mesmerized by commercial ads for fast food . We were Polish immigrants , greenhorns , knowing only our cultural foods . We ate well , I just didn't recognize nor appreciate it . All  I wanted is that  peanut butter sandwich , twinkies and a can of spaghettos . When fellow classmates wanted to trade their lunch , my hand immediately went up . 

As I grew older , so did my experience with ethnic foods . I like diversity in all things , especially in food . I have no problem trying out new things , nor am I squimish . Buffet-style is one of my favorites . 

The funny thing is that in all of my youth , as I ate whatever I wanted , I never gained any weight . I had four children and the fat never stayed on . A little thing called cancer came and  . . . . 

When I went through treatment , one of the many side effects happened to be metal mouth aftertaste and nothing tasted good . Food no longer became a pleasure , but more of a hindrance creating nausea and at times , vomiting . 

Nowadays , I'm trying to live a healthy lifestyle where food is concerned . Any cravings I may experience have to be reserved for special occasions like weddings and family gatherings . Believe me  , I look forward more to the dinner than the event itself . 

So yes , I have had a love affair with food since my childhood . Gluttony happens to be my deadly sin , in case you haven't noticed .

When I eat , my face translates the pleasure of whatever I am eating . Is it no wonder that I am experiencing difficulties with dieting ? 

Have a Blessed day everyone and enjoy a slice of pie on me !

A Kitchen Table

It's Monday morning and it has been raining since the middle of the night . I love the rain , I just wish I could be at home to take advantage of this
 day . Instead , getting ready for work is around the corner .

The weekend has passed by in a blink . Maybe , because it was a busy one , leaving no time to lounge around . Even with all that was accomplished this past weekend , I still feel unhappy with it .

Things were just not easy . There were a lot of disappointments , things that I had to quickly re-adjust to and many changes to plan A , B , and C . Now that it's all over , I feel exhausted . 

There have been too many of these weekends where I had to divert to a backup plan . Something is not right and changes have to be made . Maybe I am the one who needs to change ? 

I feel like I'm in a deep rut and can't seem to find my way out . Quite frankly , I'm tired of pretending or going along trying to make the best of every situation . 

I am not happy with my work schedule or lack of time . All of my nineteen years of hard work mean nothing . I'm starting over trying to prove myself to a whole lot of new people that I have what it takes . Here I thought we were working for the same company all these years . I shouldn't have to do any of it . 

As to my personal life , let me use this example from a movie from the 80"s I've since forgotten the title :
     In this movie , there was a young man who fell in love with a young 
girl , but she loved someone else . Her mom gave him this advice . She said to him :
     " See this kitchen table ? We need this table to eat on , to work on  , to converse on . No one pays any attention to this table , but take this table away and everyone will miss it . I want you to become this table . Come here everyday and say something to her ".

I've become that kitchen table . 

I have many faults like everyone else , but I do know my strengths . One of them happen to be endurance and strength . I pray for these two things in everything I do , so I can handle quite a lot on my plate . 

That can quickly turn into a downfall when people believe you can handle everything . They forget you have feelings , or pain , even difficulties in your life . 

So this morning , as the rain slowly drizzles on , I'm silently brooding and feeling sorry for myself . All I want to do is pack up and move far away and start over . Yet , we know that is not a reality right now . So instead , I pray to God to show me what I need to fix and how to fix it , even if that fix begins within me . 

Thanks for the vent , my friends . Have a Blessed day everyone .

A Heart Desire

Delight yourself in the Lord and  He will give you the desires of your heart .
Psalm 37:4

We all have a secret desire , something we are dreaming and striving for within our hearts . For some of us it may be a yearning to live on a tropical island or to live in a luxurious home . For others , it can be more meaningful like finding that perfect mate or a long awaited child .

We all have that wishlist that we hold dear and close to our hearts . For me , it has always been a comfy apartment in a small town near both my children . A  car that would be a reliable one that didn't break down all the time . A place where I can spend more time running my crocheting club and writing .

We dream and we dream big , but what happens when that dream is nearing a reality ?

We become frightened by what the reality really might hold . What if it isn't what we had imagined ? What if it turns sour and all our hopes and dreams go down the tube ? 

Anything new is scary . Are we brave enough to step onto new terrain ? Some of us are and some are not . 

I often wondered how I would react when that time becomes a reality for me  . I think I would probably be petrified , being a person who likes her feet firmly planted on the ground  . On the other hand , isn't that what trusting God is all about ?

My parents came to America with three small children , not knowing the language . That's bravery ! For some of us , moving a mere three or four hours is huge .

Oh , but that dream ! It's calling out my name ! Luring me with all of its charm and capabilities . Come , come and everything will be fine .

Have a Blessed day everyone .

Throwback Thursday

Trust . . . .  a huge part of everyone's journey . Since then  , I have learned that trust is a lifetime growing experience rather than something we acquire after a quick course . We can waiver or grow stronger in our trust , depending on life's trials .

Another thing I have learned is patience . When things are going south pretty fast , not only do we need to trust , but have patience to sit still and allow God to do His part .

I did have  many cute and smart titles , though !



Trust , Trust ..... Where Art Thou?

    This being my second time around , I find people asking me primarily the same question . ......Is it the same ? Is it the same chemo type ? Are you feeling the same ? Are you having the same side effects ? etc, etc, etc . It's basically the same question . How is it like now ?
    There are more differences than similiarities . I'm not even sure if there are any similiarities other then the fact that I have the same cancer . Before , I dealt with my spiritual side . The part that was missing.....lacking in my life . Now it seems I'm dealing with my personality......my character.....the type of person I am . Or want to become .
    I have been walking around doing all the right things : going to church , bible study , volunteering , trying to behave in Christ-like way . I have seen a change in me and others have too. I haven't really gotten where I want to be . In fact , I have found I have alot of flaws in me . It seems I have been working on the big things but there are other things maybe not that noticeable to me . The key phrase here is " noticeable to me ".
   Yes , things are different now , only on the surface . For instance : the old me would have fought if confronted , blocked , hurt . Now ? My son says it best : I want peace at all cost . I will sweep it under , walk around it or  walk out the door before I have to deal with it . I do not want to deal with  anything . I want a peaceful existence . Or am I more afraid of the old me coming back ?
    So have I really changed ? Or have I just changed the way I handle things ? Again , I started writing about one thing and something else is coming out . God is so funny at times .
     Another thing I have noticed is that I put things off.....things that I don't like to do...unpleasant things . Or I break off personal relationships before they get serious because somehow I'm psychic and I can look into the future and see it will never work out .
      Boy , I'm really messed up . It really is all the same thing . I'm scared . I'm scared of my old-self coming back . I'm scared of getting hurt in a relationship...being taken for a fool . I'm scared of trusting . That's what this is all about....TRUST.
     Don't we all say , "I trust in the Lord" or " leave it with Him", but do we really ? I know I have a hard time with trust . I did an exercise on trust with my Sunday School Class once where they had to fall back and have their partner catch them from behind . I was amazed how these children trusted each other . They were falling back without a moment of doubt . Like a swarm of flies . Why can't I be like that ?Why can't I do that ? I want to let go .
    So is it different this time ? You better believe it . It's alot more personal somehow . All my fears , my vulnerabilities are right here in the open . I feel exposed before God. I am a Christian and I'm afraid to let go ....completely let go .
   I think I just found what my journey is all about

Waiting For The Storm

It's been hot and humid for two whole days now . The window curtains have been drawn to keep out the burning sun  and keeping the place cooler .

As the morning progressed , it seemed to be getting darker and darker , needing to turn on the lamp . Pulling the curtain aside , I glanced outside the window to see trees swaying mightily and huge black clouds covering the sky . A storm was coming .

Finally ! I've been waiting these past few days for the storm to break . The atmosphere becoming heavier with each passing day . I've been waiting for the cleansing of a good thunder clapping , lightening streaming storm to refresh all of us .

We all need a good storm in our lives .

Yesterday , on my way to work , as I listened to my music , I was overcome by my feelings and I cried . No particular reason , just overcome by the power of the lyrics . I felt every word as if I spoke it , wrote it straight from my heart . Do I need a reason for the cleansing of a good cry ?

We all need a good cry to wash our eyes clear again .

Not all storms are bad nor are all tears bad . Whether we want it or not , sometimes , that is exactly what we need to see clearly again or begin anew . There is always a rainbow after a storm .

Have a Blessed day everyone .

                            Picture by Jeanne Duggan

Plowing Ahead

I often think about Paul and how he devoted his entire life to preaching about Jesus  . He was so passionate , so very enthused about his calling . Not everyone feels such passion in what they do , nor do they have that endurance power  .  

I also wonder if he experienced loneliness , roaming from city to city . I'm sure he has met and befriended many acquaintances , leaving them behind as he moved on . From time to time , he had helpers to keep him company or to share ideas with , but majority of the time , he was alone  ministering to people .

I can relate to Paul a lot . I have many , many friends , but very few that I totally bare my soul to . I think that some of us are better equipped being a good friend to many versus to just a select few .

There is only one person here on earth that knows all my habits , either good or bad . One person who knows all my triumphs , my failures and my shame . That person happens to be my daughter , simply because we live together .

Did Paul have a friend like that in his life ?

I certainly hope so . Life is so very hard , especially when you are alone . So few people understand the way we are built , the way we think and why we act the way we do .

I'm sure Paul had many disappointments in his life , especially when it came to converting others to Christ . I'm sure he had seen things that might have discouraged anyone else , yet he plowed ahead with even more determination . You have to admire him for that .

Paul's life examples of endurance , determination , perseverance and passion have been goals that I have set for myself . Whenever a time comes when things are the way I don't want them to be , I think of him .

Am I happy with my job ? No . Am I happy living where I am ? No . I am where I need to be for now . The list of things that I am not happy with can go on forever . I'm not going there . I choose the path that Paul took when he was dealt with lemons in  his life , he made lemonade . I'm plowing ahead , slowly but surely .

Have a Blessed day everyone .

Father's Day

Today is Father's Day and every year I experienced a series of mixed emotions regarding this day . I don't really have nor have I ever had , a close relationship with my dad , but no matter what has happened or will happen , he is and always will be my dad .

He has given me life and it's his blood that flows through my veins .

Father's Day has always held more of a spiritual meaning than any other kind . Whatever I may lack with my natural father , my Heavenly Father provides .

He has given me life and it's His blood that flows through my veins .

I remember my father watching National Geographic Animals or any kind of wildlife . He loved History , documentaries and anything that others would consider " boring stuff " especially us kids . I can see that legacy passed on to myself , my children and that has nothing to do with what kind of relationship I had  with him .It's all about that blood and DNA .

I hope you enjoy the following in honor of Father's Day . Have  a Blessed day everyone .

 

National Geographic has done it again!     Set aside 4 minutes.   TURN THE SOUND UP, LIGHTS OFF & CLICK THE FULL SCREEN ICON IN BOTTOM RIGHT CORNER     https://www.youtube.com/embed/Hodomt6bBOw

Life

Life can be so many things . It can wound , love us , surround us with laughter and it can be filled with anger . Sometimes we just need few reminders that life can be all those things , but most of all , it can be changing . 
                                      Freedom . . . . 

                                                 
                                                 Blessings . . . . 

 
                                 Seasons . . . .. 

                                 Path . . . .. 

                                     Be Happy . . . 

                                                       God . . .. 

                                      Passions . . . .

                               Belief . . . 

LIFE 

HAVE A Blessed day everyone . 

Simply Crochet

My main focus this year has been on two of my passions : This blog and my crocheting ministry . I wanted to go a step farther with each one . What is that next step  ?

I'm not exactly sure . I started off with a bang , re-aligning my priorities and fresh ideas on the agenda . I had high hopes for both of my ministries since a new chapter opened in my life  with a new position and a shift schedule change . Yet , the level I was hoping for really didn't happen . 

Yes , there have been many changes for the better in regards to my crocheting ministry : 
1. more donations have been made 
2. new members have joined and some have left 
3. a theme was added to every meeting whether that meant learning to sew or a visit to a senior center .
4. donations of yarn poured in from all over

The one that suffered , I believe ,  has been this blog :
1. not posting daily 
2. limited time  available 
3. there was an increase of viewers , though .
4. writing not up to par 

I think I have two big problems : not enough time and I'm too passionate . 

What I lose during the week is time . I may get up in the morning early , but I leave after 1 p.m. That does not provide enough time to do
 anything . A story of any kind may take up to a couple of hours . I actually have at least six or seven stories started  sitting in a file , waiting for a middle or an end .

How can being passionate be a downfall ? When you're the only one and no one else shares that passion . I have been told on numerous occasions that I need to slow that passion  down , because people have lives and I'm stressing them out . In another words , I'm a pest . 

So  for now , I'm trying desperately to put  a lid on some of 
these passions . For my crocheting , we  are taking a hiatus from our monthly meetings for two months , but still working at home . For this
 blog , I rather write once a week and provide a great blog than a hastily written one . 

The next level will come soon enough . There are so many things in my head just waiting to burst forth  . Let's take it one step at a time . 

Have a Blessed day everyone . 

More Q & A

Here are more frequently asked questions since my cancer few years back . People are just plain curious , because cancer is everywhere . We all either know someone with cancer or heard of a friend of a friend who has had cancer . Let's get to it . 

1. Are you mad at God ?
    No , I am not . I believe we all experience a time in our lives where we are angry with God . This was not the time for me to have such anger . I always felt that there was a message for me and I had a great fear of not being open to seeing it . That the message would pass me over and I would be blind to it . 

2. Where are you at now health-wise ?
    This question varies as time goes by . At this moment , I am in remission . My last doctor appointment was an extremely happy one where she felt I could easily and safely enjoy my summer without any tests , because this was the first time the current results came back so positive . 
    All of that can change in a heartbeat . I could go back in August or September and find that my cancer has awakened and began to grow again . 

3. Where are you at emotionally ?
    Everyone seems to think they have to whisper the word " death " when they are around me , in case I crumble . Not so ! I certainly have progressed far and come to terms with my mortality . This blog , my ministries , I have made it a mission to grow spiritually as best as I can . You cannot go through an illness and not examine yourself on this level . The two go hand in hand .

4. Were you a very angry individual before cancer ?
   Yes , someone really asked this question . This person is very involved in new-age religion . She honestly believed that my anger produced the cancer cells  to grow and only if I change my behavior into positive energy will I be free of cancer . 
   Now, I did become very angry on the inside when she said that to me , but held it in . I never want to intentionally hurt anyone with my words the way she hurt me with hers . I think this is a tactless comment to make to anyone who has lost someone or has an illness . You're basically saying they have brought this on themselves . How is this helping anyone ?

5. If you have cancer , then why are you gaining weight and not losing weight ?
   If you see a cancer patient that is losing weight dramatically , this person is seriously ill . Most likely , they are experiencing fevers and infections . We are given steroids to help with our symptoms and also to help maintain our weight . 
   When I lost a few pounds here and there while in treatment , the nurses were in a panic . No oncologist of mine has ever shown displeasure in my weight gain . I may have fretted about it , but they always waved it aside . Steroids increase your appetite and you eat more . 

6. If you are taking chemo , how come you didn't lose your hair ?
  There are many types of chemotherapy and each one has different side effects . You may lose all your hair or your hair will only thin out . It all depends on the treatment . Your doctor or nurse will inform you of the types of side effects you may be experiencing . 
   The first and second time , I lost all my hair . The third time , it thinned out and by the time my treatment was over , my hair became very limp and thin . 

I hope this provides some useful feedback into further understanding cancer . Have a Blessed day everyone . 
  

In Servitude

Servitude :
The condition of being forced to work for others . 

When I first read the definition of servitude  , I was a little shocked . I never felt like serving was something associated with being forced . Perhaps , I need to ask a question :

Why do we serve ? 

Some will say they serve to help others .  People serve because it's biblical  and we are told to serve as Christians . There is a need to avenge our guilty and sinful natures that serving atones . Serving has a way of making us feel better about ourselves . There are a few who are just plain passionate about their ministries . 

The more I thought about that definition the more I realized that it could become fact . I believe we all have a natural desire to help , even  if that thought is fleeting . That feeling is genuine and coming from our hearts . So what happens when we change our minds and don't show up ?

What happens is that life intervenes . The day of our serving comes and we don't want to get out of bed . Perhaps this is the only day we have to ourselves , a morning  where we can sleep in . Or we aren't feeling well or we had an argument and the happy feeling is gone . Suddenly , serving is the last thing we want to do . 

Serving can quickly turn into something forced if we place it on the 
bottom  .  A squeezed in addition to our already full schedule . How can we enjoy serving if we keep glancing at our watch , because it has become a timed event on our " to do " list . 

To me , serving is a sacrifice , because time is a precious commodity . I am giving up something precious to me , to show Jesus how much I love Him and what He stands for . This is how I view serving . 

This is why it's important that we choose the area we want to serve in very wisely . Does it fit in with what I want to represent as a Christian ? Am I passionate about that ministry work ? How will this change my life ? And me ? 

I was near death seven years ago and Jesus saved my life for a purpose . I knew it , I felt it and I decided to do something about it . I am very passionate about my ministries to the point of over- zealousness . 

When a ministry becomes more of a forced feeling and we lose that desire , we need to move on . No one will be able to benefit from such feelings . We need to ask ourselves frequently why we serve , to examine our hearts , because our serving attitudes can change . 

Every Sunday , Emily serves in one of her three ministries she enjoys . I already know that for the next two hours or so , I will listen to her adventures , as she animatedly describes her morning at Church . When she has a particularly difficult or challenging morning , I always remark , that maybe she needs to take a break  next Sunday . I get the usual response :

" What ?! But I love it ! " 

Have a Blessed day everyone .

A Colorful Life

What is  life , but colorful remnants of worn and used pieces of material . We begin our life as beautiful satin cloth covered in jewels of every
 color  . As we age , so does our garment , fading and gems falling off as we go through the cycles of life . 

There were times that I have felt regret as I looked back . Things I wish I had done differently or never done at all . Analyzing every aspect became almost an obsession as I critiqued the flashing color beams of my life . 

Have you ever done that ? Have you gone over your life's decision and wondered how things would have turned out if you went the other way ?

I find that when things are going great in my life than there are no        regrets . When I'm feeling blue , the opposite occurs .  

I wonder why my mind has been actively on overdrive these past few months . I believe it has something to do with my dream coming nearer and nearer to fruition . Perhaps this is more of a look back , a last glance into the past ? Into a colorful life that I have led , because it has been very colorful indeed !

I have made many mistakes and I can't turn back the time , but I can let go of the guilt . I've led my life the very best way I knew .
It's time to move on . We can't hold on to things forever , because we cannot change things that were . We can only change the rest of our colorful life . 

Have a Blessed day everyone .

Throwback Thursday

It's funny , but I always thought this is where it all began . . . . my love of crocheting and my ministry . The following memory will be etched forever upon my heart as one of the best . I will always recommend this type of therapy for anyone . Enjoy !


Blanket Therapy

One of my vices in the early days of my cancer was crocheting . When you spend alot of time in the hospital you develop their schedule . You end up sleeping in  short naps through out the day . When you go home the schedule stays with you for awhile . Its very hard to shake it off . You're awake at all odd hours .
    I started crocheting making blankets .Called it my cancer therapy . At that time it was very close to Thanksgiving . I decided to make a blanket for everyone in the family for Christmas . I wanted everyone in my family to have something of mine to look  and remember me  by . From Thanksgiving to Christmas , I made 11 blankets . It kept me occupied during my healing process . I also played alot of computer games .
     Well , my blanket therapy expanded to friends , baby showers and donations to charities like Mary's Room . Funny enough , people started giving me yarn to make blankets for others . One goal for this Christmas  is to donate to a Nursing Home . Whenever my donation of yarn would start dwindling someone would always drop off some yarn without my asking . God's provision never stops to amaze me .
      It's amazing what a simple blanket does to a person . It seems to make people feel loved . Whenever I would present someone with my blanket they would be so touched . I never quite understood the impact it made . Maybe it was the idea of someone thinking of them and making a personalized gift just for them . The fact that someone took the time to make something . All homemade things make us feel like that .
      If there is anyone who may need a blanket let me know . I would be honored to make one .If anyone would like to donate yarn I would be so grateful .
      My dream.......to make slipper booties for all the children at St. Jude's . Who knows ? Dreams come true . you know .

Q & A

Over the years , I have answered many questions about ovarian cancer or just plain cancer . Almost all of them have been from women . 

1. How did you know you had cancer ? 
    This is the most asked question by women . I think because it's a woman type cancer . This cancer is called  a silent cancer , because there really aren't any symptoms . By the time it is caught , it's usually a stage three and a tumor . 
   So to answer the question , I actually felt my tumor inside my belly , but I had no idea that it was a tumor . I thought it was some kind of bacterial thing that could be taken cared of without any problem . My tumor weighed in at seven pounds ! 
   On my very first visit to the doctor , they immediately became alerted , while I like a dummy  , couldn't understand why .

2. Didn't you have regular pap smears  ?  Or doctor visits ?
   Ovarian cancer is not found during a pap exam . If for some reason it is caught early , it might have been by accident during a scan or ultrasound for something else or through blood work . 

3. If you had a hysterectomy , why does your cancer keep coming back ? Didn't they get everything ?
  My cancer is a re-occurring cancer . I may  have had my uterus and  ovaries taken out , but a cell can be left over and attach itself to lining . Mine is always in the same spot. Chemotherapy basically shrinks it down to a tiny , tiny speck until it starts to grow again . 

4. Why don't you just have surgery and take it out ?
   When I'm in remission , I am tested every three months with blood work and pet-scans . When it starts to grow , it only grows in centimeters . You have to remember that we all may have the same type of cancer , but our bodies are very different and our treatments are based on that fact . 
   So yes , we can go in and have surgery and remove it , but do we want to do this every time ? A good oncologist will evaluate your treatment based on how your body has reacted in the past . Mine does not do well with surgery . Remember , ovarian cancer keeps coming back , do I 
really want to expose my body to potentially dangerous infections as in the past ? For me , this would be the last result . 


If there are any questions any one of you may have for me , I will be more than happy to answer. Have a Blessed day everyone . 

Simply Exercise

Yes , you read it right . That awful word exercise has entered my life . I have written many times on working out and my feelings regarding it , so I'm sure all of you are surprised .

The fact is , I had blood work done on my sugar , cholesterol etc. and although results show I may not have any of the above , I'm pretty close . Close enough to where I actually sat up and took notice . 

I totally detest working out . I have done the bit at the gym in the past . I have made myself clear on that subject . Yuck !

Then I had a memory flash from the past when I gave birth to my last 
child . I gained quite a bit of weight . I exercised every single day during the children's nap times for almost a year to lose that baby fat , but it came off . 

Now . . . I'm not looking to lose all these pounds or anything like that . My main goal is to lower the levels of my sugar , cholesterol etc . That is all . 

I'm not jumping around doing kick-boxing , I don't think I can lift my leg that high anyway . A few times a week for 30 minutes or so , some DVD's from Netflix . Emily and I also love to take walks and you know she is my trainer . 

Just to think that I had to result to this level . Lord , help me . Below , some more menu ideas .

1. Monday
Cappellacci pasta in tomato sauce with grilled onions and green bell peppers
2. Tuesday
Homemade vegetable pizza
3. Wednesday
onion and cheese quiche on a homemade crust
4. Thursday
spaghetti with okra
basic green salad with vinaigrette
5. Friday
whole potatoes in grilled onion
hardboiled egg , tomato , pickle in wedges on a bed of lettuce in vinaigrette
glass of buttermilk
6. Saturday
herbed mashed potato with sour cream
roasted whole tomatoes
garden salad
7. Sunday
FRUIT salad in orange /lemon juice .

Have a Blessed day everyone .