I, Woman

"Mom , do you think it's immature of me to call other women at Church my Auntie or Mommy ? "

Absolutely not !! Are we not daughters of Eve ? So , she considers these women her role models / mentors , why would that be considered immature ?

We need fellow women encouraging each other in this generation . There are far too many jealousies , bickering and insecurities that women harbor toward other women . We all have been those women . I have been there and done that and I'm over it . 

Women have been competing with each other since Eve took the first bite and we have been laying our sin at her doorstep ever 
since . Yes , she placed us on this path , but do we have to continue on it ? 

Being a woman is difficult  and we need to support each other as we face these struggles . Our emotions take us on a never ending roller coaster ride , wouldn't we want someone who has been there to help us get off that ride ? Who knows a woman's struggle better than another woman . 

I believe it should be us Aunties , Mothers and Grandmothers who take up the rein to lead this generation of young ladies toward the right path and ensure they stay there . Eve may have placed us there , but it's up to us to steer away from it . 

Have a Blessed day everyone .

Throwback Thursday

Here we are again , my friends , with another Throwback Thursday upon us . They sure come upon us pretty fast , don't they ? Today's story deals with the famous question , " Are you angry with 
God ? " 

This was very tough for me , because I really believed I was healed physically . I've come to realize that there are many kinds of healing that have nothing to do with the physical , but are more spiritual . I've always been scared of dying and that was the issue I had to address regarding my cancer the second time around .

I honestly believe that we all experience a time where we are angry with God . We have to address it , analyze it , see what lies beneath it  and shelf it . Since this blog began during my second  bout with cancer , this was the underlying theme behind it . 

Now , I am no longer afraid of my illness nor of death . In a way , I almost welcome it . To me , it is yet another stage of life we must get through before Paradise . I'm looking forward to that one . 

Are You Angry With God?

Are You Angry With God?      Here I am ,almost 47yrs old and fighting cancer for the second time.Everyone wants to know how I feel .....how I'm doing..etc.I nod my head okay....fine.But I really don't know myself.There is something simmering inside me waiting to burst forth.I just don't know what that is.      When I first was diagnosed 4 1/2 yrs ago,everyone asked the same question:Are you angry with God? I answered honestly with pure of heart.....NO.I always knew that there was something very important that HE wanted me to see.I was just worried that I wouldn't recognize that something and it all would be for nothing.I did learn then and I will learn again now.      I asked myself this same question the other day.I am not angry with God but I am very disappointed.This sentenced popped into my head without any pondering.Almost as if someone else was saying it for me.I thought about it.Why am I disappointed?Did I think I was healed for good?Did I think I've done my share of trials?I don't know.This is why I'm here.I want to find out.    There is something else inside me that God wants to bring out,get rid of,teach me and sanctify ME.My only worry is that I hope I am strong enough ...strong enough to face it.I have this insane desire to write everything down.For whom? Myself? My children? For someone else going through this?       I don't know.All I know is that there are more and more of us going through CANCER.Only we know what we are going through.So difficult to explain to others the emotions raging inside of us.We want to live.I want to live.I want to enjoy my journey here.Do you? Have a Blessed day everyone .

Doing The Lassie

Coming home last night from work , I was greeted at the door
 by Diamond . She never greets me , only loving her Emily . My very first thought : I caught her doing something she shouldn't be doing . 

After going about my nightly routine before bed , I settled in with a blanket I was crocheting . Behind my bedroom door commotion ensued with Diamond jumping around , meowing the entire time . What on earth is she doing ?

Suddenly , she starts scratching at my bedroom door , something she has never done and I jump up alarmed . Frantically , I open the door  and she runs off , stops to see if I'm coming , and runs off again . 

What's wrong Diamond ?

She meows again and I proceed into the living room . The room is in total disarray with the afghan  and remote thrown on the floor . Cushions and books knocked down . Emily's precious XBOX 360 all askew . Panic settles inside me and I turn to Diamond .

What's happened Diamond ? Is Emily alright ? 

She meows and wags her cat tail , trying to tell me in her own language what is going on . Totally in a panic now , I rush to Emily's room , my heart beating frantically . 

I slowly open her door , almost afraid to peek in fear of what I may see . The only light from the doorway shows a figure completely covered by a comforter , laying perfectly still . The outline of her body reminding me of a mummy . As I watch for a sign of life , her chest rises up and down . Sighing in relief I close the door . 

In the morning , I told Emily of Diamond's antics the night before . That DARN cat over-indulged in her weed ( catnip ) and went totally crazy wanting to play . Emily , after several attempts of trying to calm her down and disgusted with her behavior , went to bed covering herself from head to toe so Diamond would leave her alone . 

She wanted to play .

All this time , I am thinking that there is danger and she is trying to tell me something . I thought she was doing the Lassie and she just wants to play . Right now , she's sleeping  peacefully , in her favorite bed . She has many beds . I should go over there and . . . . . 


Have a Blessed day everyone .

The Author Within

The author within me has been lurking around , searching for a way to burst forth in a book . I think we all have that childhood dream of writing a Best Seller , or becoming a model or actress , anything famous . 

How do authors begin ? Do they pop out a story suddenly out of thin air ? Or do they take years of researching , writing and editing their story line ? 

I wish I knew , because there is an author within me . I have that desire to write , for no other reason than for myself . I don't need to be famous or wealthy . I just want to be able to write one , to know that I can write one . 

There is an image I have of myself , being secluded in a secret hideaway from everyone and just writing nonstop . Who hasn't had a desire to sneak away from life and not worry about finances or work , only to live out their fantasies . 

There is another image of myself sitting in front of a computer and not being able to write anything . Imagine  finally getting to that cabin or private place and your mind is a total blank , wasting all that precious time . 

The problem is what to write about and when to actually write that story . I'm sure eventually everything will fall into place the way it should happen . The story will naturally pop out on it's own . 

Have a Blessed day everyone . 

Simply Young

Glancing at the calendar , it was no surprise to me to see that February was almost over . I have been feeling rushed these past few weeks with the days slipping by pretty fast and not enough time to do all the things I wanted to . 

I am not sorry , though . I'd rather have my calendar over- flowing with tasks and gatherings , than be sitting around feeling lonely or bored . I just don't understand boredom . Loneliness  yes , but boredom never . There's always something to do  . 

Whenever  I invite someone to join my Crocheting Ministry or tell them about my blog , I receive the same attitude : How wonderful , but who has time to sit around knitting or writing . 

Please , don't say that to someone . I find it insulting , to say the least , especially when someone is pursuing a dream or passion of theirs . Believe me , no one is just sitting around doing nothing . I do majority of my crocheting in the waiting rooms of America , during lunch or watching the telly . Some of my ladies crochet in bed to relax their minds before bed . 

We should be encouraging each other to pursue our passions , especially us women , not tearing each other down . It is these passions that keep our minds young and alert . They are reasons why some of us get up in the morning and out of our depressions , ready to face life .

Who needs face-lifts or anti -aging creams . You simply cannot hide advancing years . You can only look good doing it ! I have gray hair , wrinkles and plenty of fat , but I have lived my life ! All of my activities have kept me feeling young even though I may not look
 it . 

The following was sent to me from my VP of Crocheting , Bangie , to remind me of that very fact . 

HOW TO STAY YOUNG
1.  Try everything twice.
On one woman's tombstone she said she wanted this epitaph:
"Tried everything twice. Loved it both times!"

2.  Keep only cheerful friends.
The grouches pull you down.
(Keep this in mind if you are one of those grouches!)

3. Keep learning:
Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever...
Never let the brain get idle. 'An idle mind is the devil's workshop.'
And the devil's name is Alzheimer's!

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
And if you have a friend who makes you laugh, spend lots and lots of time with HIM /HER.

6. The tears happen: Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. LIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love: whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next city, state, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. I love you, my special friend.

11. Forgive now those who made you cry. You might not get a second chance.

Remember! Lost time can never be found.

Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

Wine does not make you FAT ..it makes you LEAN ..Against tables, chairs, doors, walls ........

Have a Blessed day everyone . 

Throwback Thursday

Every week , as I embark on the next story of my past , I'm flooded with memories . . . . some good and some not so good . I remember the following story quite well . Going through cancer the second time was a very distressing time for me . I honestly believed I would die and had to deal with my mortality . Every person dealing with a chronic illness has to accept death as a friend instead of as an enemy . I have seen too many patients refusing this stage of their life , only to be miserable and depressed during the entire illness , wasting precious time with loved ones . My future is still a blank page , all except for the last page , my destination . . . . . Heaven . 

A Blank Page

  Sat down to write my daily blog and my mind went blank just like the page in front of me.What I planned to write suddenly I couldn't remember.I guess God had other plans for me.
   All day today I walked around with a smile on my face and a happy retort on my lips.Everyone I ran into gave me hugs and told me how sorry they were .They  were very sincere..you could feel it in their embrace and their voice.
   I realize now that I've been faking it.You see,tomorrow I will be starting my first chemo treatment.Didn't realize just how depressing that really is.As I sat staring at that blank page , I realized that this blank page represented my future.
    I remember feeling the same way the first time around.I didn't see a future then.It was totally blank.Just like now.A blank page.
   But there is a difference the second time around.My feelings are different.My approach is different and yes my outlook is different.
  This blank page represents to me my future that is unknown to all of us.No one can predict the writing that will go on this blank page.There is only one person who can and HIS name is JEHOVAH.

A Refresher In Store

Turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord.Acts 3:19
How is my renewal going ? There are changes happening evident to others more than to me . I haven't felt a huge change so far , more of a slow renewal , step by step .
That first week , I felt my life spinning so fast with no time for anything . I went from one appointment to the next and then straight to work with no break for myself . It felt chaotic and I need order and stability where I can feel my feet firmly placed on the ground . 
People saw the changes in me before I did . They made remarks on how much calmer I seem , more carefree . They have caught me humming to myself while working . I look rested , healthier  and happier . This has been the first time in a very long time that I am not going to work feeling tired .
This week , I am concentrating on developing a routine of some sorts to follow . I believe , that once I have accomplished that feat , everything will follow smoothly making this change worthwhile .
My spiritual refresher is coming along nicely . I expected my soul to feel rejuvenated right away , but that was very unrealistic of me . If anything , time is needed to dump all of that excess that has been accumulated  and cleanse my being with God's refreshing Spirit . 
That takes time . 
One thing I have noticed about myself is that I am not tired going to Church or work or a family event . My body is actually resting . The responsibility doesn't fall entirely in my corner  . That's refreshing . 
Have a Blessed day everyone . 

The Insane Asylum

My neighbors drive me insane ! This is the first time in two years that we have not had someone move away and I think that's the problem . Too much of each other under foot .

These same loving people that I have written about in the past have started to irk me . What is it about living under the same roof with others that can test a person's nature ? Why can't we as humans get along ? Why do the silliest things set us off in a fit of rage ?

Does it really matter if they leave their clothes in the washer/dryer all day ? Does it matter if the front door is closed shut ? Does it really matter if they double park their cars ? Does it really matter if they bang around upstairs at all hours of the night ? 

One may say , it's common courtesy and it should matter . People should keep the doors locked to ensure the safety of themselves and others  . People should think of others when it's night and try to keep the noise level down , the same goes with parking .

The fact is , that's not how people think . People only see their own needs and seek their own satisfaction . Another point , people only do what they know . 

I have noticed there is a distinct difference between people who are home owners and who only lived in an apartment . Homeowners take better care of their homes . They don't leave hallway windows opened during winter , because they don't want a huge heating bill . They value their surroundings . 

I don't mean to imply that apartment dwellers don't care about any of that . I lived over a young mother with two children who continuously picked up any piece of paper on our lawn or swept the hallway because she did care about our surroundings . 

There are days that the behavior of my neighbors drive me up the wall . How can people be so inconsiderate ! The minute the words come out of my mouth , my own behavior comes to mind . 

How many times have I laughed so hard that I could be heard in the hallways or those rowdy Crocheting meetings ? I slam doors without thinking . I come home from work in the middle of the night trampling up the stairs and then I stay up all night , floorboards squeaking . I stuff their mailboxes with brochures from my church or slide them under their doors . Let's not forget the the alarm on my car that I keep setting off and then have problems turning it off always in the middle of the night . 

Could I be the tiresome , irksome neighbor that drives them
 insane ? The one with that hyena laugh ? No , not I ! There's nothing wrong with me . It's them . Definitely them . 

Have a Blessed day everyone . 

The Story Of My Life Pt.3

High school brought on many changes in my life . My older brother got married to an " American " and I became an Aunt to two little girls . Suddenly , we were exposed to other cultures ,  styles and foods.

Almost overnight , we became Americanized adapting easily since we desperately wanted to belong . The " greenhorns " were gone and we accepted all the changes with gusto .

The most significant change occurred from within . At the age of fourteen , I spent my summer in Poland with my maternal grandparents  on their farm , a life changing experience .

I think of that time with such love and tenderness , reconnecting not only with my grandparents , but also with nature . I stood in awe of life on the farm . 

I saw the brown eggs from the hens and tasted the warm milk straight from the cow . I learnt how butter was made and turned out in a jello mode every morning . I fed the ducks and led the cows to pasture daily . I woke up at four in the morning and went to bed at nine every day . I sipped the best homemade hot cocoa before bed I've ever tasted . 

I experienced  country life and I fell in love . Life in America meant nothing to me . Unfortunately , it all came to an end . 

I remember distinctly my last day  and how it poured from the heavens . Rain came cascading down with such a force and my grandfather said ," The Heavens are crying because you're
 leaving ." 

That was the last time I saw him alive . He died suddenly the following February .  He was the closest I ever came to having  a father figure . 

To be continued ....

Have a Blessed day everyone .

Throwback Thursday

Welcome to Throwback Thursday ! Today's story is an ongoing one 

to this day . I am so grateful to have people in my life  who continuously pray for me , look for cures for me and have Faith that my cancer will stay in remission . As much as I may kid around about these home remedies , I appreciate the fact that people love me that much .  

Home Remedy #396

      When my doctor informed me that my cancer might be back....I didn't tell anyone .I kept it to myself.Kept telling myself that there was no need to worry anyone until we knew for sure.But thats not the real reason.
     The truth is I didn't feel I could handle everyone coming at me.Don't get me wrong.People really mean well.They really do.I was in no physical shape to handle them.I was the emotional wreck.I still am.
    People feel they need to HELP you in some way.I cannot tell you all the home remedies I have been given to cure this cancer.I should drink beet juice,eat cabbage and my favorite.......... Milk Thistle Seed Tea.Isn't this that thing that sticks to your pants when you walk through the woods?And then there is the stuff I can't even pronounce like astragulas.What is that anyway?
   Then there is the advice on what I need to give up to cure this thing....Like coffee,airplanes.Yes , airplanes.Its not good for me to travel at this time.Nor can I lift anything heavy.I could go and on.So basically all I need to do is go outside and rip a piece of bark off a tree and make tea with it and I'll be cured.
    I just need one thing from everyone....I need PRAYER.

Have a Blessed day everyone . 

P.S. 

           I still have that astragulas tea in my cupboard . From time to time , I'll have a cup ,but it tastes awful .:)

A Tree

I'm not sure about you , but I have been thinking about Spring . I miss the sun and the warmth it provides . To me , Spring represents Rebirth and right now , we need a Rebirth ! One sign of Spring are the buds on trees and the beautiful way they blossom . Here's one of my favorite poems about a tree  by Joyce Kilmer . 

I THINK that I shall never see
A poem lovely as a tree.
A tree whose hungry mouth is prest
Against the sweet earth's flowing breast;
A tree that looks at God all day,	5
And lifts her leafy arms to pray;
A tree that may in summer wear
A nest of robins in her hair;
Upon whose bosom snow has lain;
Who intimately lives with rain.	10
Poems are made by fools like me,
But only God can make a tree. Have a Blessed week everyone .

CARS

Walking into the Auto Repair Shop , I was faced with a very familiar 
scene . Looking around the waiting room , all the men sat there wearing the traditional gray and navy colors they are known for . Men , very rarely , wear color . 

Another observation : Men are extremely impatient . They kept fidgeting , shifting positions and glancing at their watches . Some even kept badgering the poor woman , frequently asking , " how much longer " . None of them brought anything with them to occupy their time . 

I dislike taking my car in for any type of work . This is where I wish I was married . This would be his job . That's what I need a husband for .......to take the car in . I will drive the vehicle and he can take care of it . I think this  is fair . 

Cars have been an enigma all of my driving life . I have no idea what makes them tick , I just want to drive them . 

Last summer I had my accident , which produced a tiny broken speck on my windshield . Nothing to worry about  until now . The extreme weather cracked that windshield right across the entire width in a matter of a few days . 

I stared at this thing , wondering what am I to do now ? Who am I to call ? Where do I go ? Feeling totally helpless , images of driving and the windshield shattering when I hit a pothole overwhelmed me completely . Feeling anxious , I sent out e-mails to all my male relatives , hoping one of them will answer . 

How can I , an intelligent woman , execute the schedule and run a packaging floor of over 30 plus people , but dissolve in a pool of helplessness over a mere vehicle  ? !

Of course , one of my favorite nephews answered and there I was  in a waiting room with all these impatient  men . I walked in , sat down  and pulled out my crocheting loom . All eyes immediately turned my way and like a duck out of water , I kept on crocheting .

Have a Blessed day everyone .  

The Story Of My Life Pt. 2

There are people out there who can remember every small detail of their entire life from birth to present . I am not one of those
 people . I think it's mainly because my mind blocks out all the unpleasant memories and tries to focus on the Joy . 

I WANT TO REMEMBER THE JOY .

I was born on January 16 , 1965 on a Saturday morning . I was the product of my parent's reconciliation after being almost 2 years separated . Even though I was the second child , my dad wasn't around for my older brother's birth . In a way , I was his first experience . 

One would think that since my dad missed out on so much with his first child , he would make an effort to be a great dad , but that wasn't the case . He was raised to be distant , not showing 
emotion , and was described as the original mama's boy . 

My mom , on the other hand , made up for anything my dad wasn't providing emotionally . I have many  happy memories of my brothers , myself and our mom spending time together . 

Not many people know that I was born in Poland and came here as a small child of seven years  . I remember those first few years of trying to learn a different language and the struggles of trying to fit in an entirely foreign culture . We looked different and we acted differently than people who were born citizens . My parents wanted to learn the language and made every effort to do so by encouraging us to speak English at home . Not many foreigners make that choice .

Within five years of coming to the U.S , my parents bought their first home . Normally , it should have been a happy time for our family , but it was the opposite . My father drank and abused my mom , as did a lot of the men from that era . There was a lot of scrimping and saving , wearing garage sale clothes and desperately trying to fit into being American .

I can distinctly remember sitting in front of the telly , watching all those delicious commercials , wishing for a twinkie or a can of spaghettios . I felt like the word " greenhorn " was written  on my forehead for everyone to see . 

Looking back brings a smile , not tears or sadness . Looking back I only remember the Joy . I felt so incredibly close to my brothers and never could understand the fighting or bickering that our children do nowadays . 

To be continued 

Have a Blessed day everyone . 

Throwback Thursday

Throwback Thursday is almost as famous as Hump Day ! For a long time now , I have wanted to go back to the beginning of my blogs and sort of do an update on where I am now . Something that would  be featured every Thursday from now on . 

Since I have erased , by mistake , the very first blog , we will have to start with number two " Hello Linda " posted Friday October 14 , 2011 .

Hello Linda

    We all experience a moment where we have to do an unpleasant task.It could be unpleasant for many reasons.I have an unpleasant task set before me today.Can't put it off any longer.
     I have to tell my friend Linda that my cancer is back.Its particularly difficult because Linda is also fighting cancer at this time.What is even more ironic is the fact that we fought cancer the first time together also.I have been keeping this a SECRET  from her since I found out 6 weeks ago.
    Linda's cancer came back a few months ago and she took comfort in knowing I was okay.This will be a huge shock for her.You see,Linda loves me with all of her heart.I know this.I see this.I feel this.We all have a friend like that...one we know loves us no matter what.Whether we deserve it or not .
   When I found out about her cancer..I burst out sobbing...not even crying but sobbing.I honestly don't know if I cried for Linda or for myself.But I was scared for myself.I know this now.Its a shameful thing to admit about oneself.But I was scared that I would be next.
   Even now when I think about this very fact ...I'm ashamed.I never considered myself to be self-centered but I behaved in that manner even if it was for a moment.Just when we think we are so good........Jesus pops something out of us to  remind US to  look in the mirror once in awhile and really see ourselves.
  Well,time to make that phone call,"Hello Linda"?

UPDATE : 

The first thing that pops out at me are all the grammar mistakes . Somehow , I feel I have grown as a writer . 

Linda still continues to have treatment for her cancer and has not been in remission since the above time . Her cancer spreads to various parts of her body , attacking one area after another . 

It has been a struggle for her , especially mentally , as she has not come to terms with her illness .  She wants to be rid of this cancer and healed completely . As  chronic illness patients , we need to face and accept our disabilities as well as abilities or we will become melancholy in our view . 

Please continue to pray for Linda and her family .

Have a Blessed day everyone .

The Importance Of Hair

Majority of my life has been spent not caring about my hair . I didn't believe in wasting time primping , curling or styling any of it . My head was always " wash and wear " ready and I couldn't understand why anyone would spend so much time fixing their hair in the mornings . 

That was then .

When I lost my hair in 2007 , I was devastated . Gone were the long eyelashes that I have been known for and so were the eyebrows . I was completely bald from my head to my toes . I would joke that I looked like  a plucked chicken , but on the inside , I was crying . 

I felt utterly ugly and suddenly , I understood why women groom their hair every morning . It makes us feel beautiful . We want to look beautiful , not so much for others , as for ourselves . Hair took on an important air . 

The second time I lost my hair , I tried to disguise my appearance by wearing hats and scarves in imaginative ways . When my niece was getting married , I spent months leading to the event worried on how I would look . How can I make myself look attractive on such a special day with no hair ? 

My third time with cancer , I totally lucked out and only a small decrease of hair happened . My hair took on the appearance of
 thin and lifeless , in the end , I opted for a body wave . 

 I've learned to appreciated the hair I do have . My long eyelashes are gone , but I do have some to speak of . My eyebrows are almost non-existent , which is fine , no need to trim . I only need to shave my legs a few times a year . Why complain ? I have no nose hairs and it hurts to blow my nose , but hey , it could be worse . 

In the end , it's not about the hair or our appearance , but how we feel both on the outside and inside . It's all about the state of our mental health . I mean , when we die , we're not taking this body with us , right ? 

Have a Blessed day everyone . 

The Story Of My Life

It has become therapeutic to write the story of our life . 

Nowadays , if we enter Recovery or a Relationship class of any kind , it's almost mandatory . For the healing process alone , I can understand the purpose of this exercise  . The questions become 

" where do we begin ? "  or " how much do we tell ? " or  " why do we feel the need to perform this act ? "

When Emily was contemplating Baptism , she wrote a very long letter to her father , all of seven pages . There were things she needed to say so she could move forward . That letter was never mailed , instead it was buried at one of their favorite places . 

There are different reasons why we review our past . A young woman may want to bury the hatchet with an absent father or a young couple will feel a need to be honest with their future mate . 

I want to review my past to see where I have been and where I need to go . I want to see the mistakes I have done and the corrections that need to be made . Have I grown ? Have I bettered myself ? Has my situation been resolved or made worse ? What are the patterns in my life that keep repeating themselves ? 

A few years back , I've decided to write that story of my life . After being half done , I sat back with a cup of coffee to read what I wrote so far . First , I was disgusted and then I became depressed . This was my life ? ! 

In my story , I emphasized all the bad parts to where they became the star characters . I glorified them to the point where even I wouldn't want to be my own friend . Why do we only remember the bad parts ?

To be continued 

Have a Blessed day everyone .

A Brave Heart

Over the years , I have met many fellow cancer patients , some that have become very dear to me . A person can make  friends while waiting for treatment in a clinic . Why not ? We're there for majority of our day , we might as well as chat with others to pass the time .

Some of these moments with them have been fleeting , lasting only the few hours while receiving infusion . Yet , they have left an impression . There is something deep inside of us that is  provided by God , whether we are believers or not , where we can survive the most difficult of circumstances . 

I have lost quite a few of them to cancer this past year . 

Six days ago , Aubrey's nephew was born with heart problems , needing open heart surgery in the first week of his life . As I scanned his image , all sorts of memories invaded my being . 

Memories of myself being hooked up to numerous tubes and wires where my face was barely seen . The slow healing process and the many setbacks . I remember it all quite well . 

Memories of friends who have been hospitalized , some going home and some not so lucky . The awkward feeling coming from me , as I sat there not being able to do anything , but offer bagels and coffee to the family members who haven't left their side . 

I have been called brave , strong , courageous , but never actually feeling  any of these things  . I merely thought they were being nice and trying to encourage me to live on  and not give in to despair . People saying all the right and polite things . 

Since that time , I have sat in many hospital rooms listening to the cries and whimpering of people in real pain . I have sat quietly in the corner , as the family of a man dying , held his hand . . . . . feeling completely helpless . 

I have , since then , knelt down and prayed countless prayers for countless people who have been dealt a tragedy . All of them pleading for prayer and seeking comfort .

I have seen reflected in these people the same attributes that were associated and bestowed upon me . I see what they saw in me all those years ago .

BRAVERY
           STRENGTH
                       COURAGEOUSNESS 

Why are we so surprised ? Are we not made by God ? Has He not molded us in His image ? Has He not shaped us with His love ? We are born with a brave heart and a strong will to LIVE .

I looked at this tiny child , all of 5 pounds , barely being able to make out his features because of all the tubes hooked up to him . He is fighting . He is fighting for life . 

Brave .

Strong .

Courageous .

Have a Blessed day everyone .