The 100 Day Project: Day 32 Of Writing

                                                 Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.



I love to think that God appoints
My portion day by day;
Events of life are in His hand,
And I would only say,
Appoint them in Thine own good time,
And in Thine own best way.
A. L. WARING

I have written many times on the importance of preventive care when one has a chronic illness such as cancer. Honestly, I am falling into the usual trap of people who have been in remission for a bit. I don't wanna go. I want to cancel appointments and not go. It's a trap, you know. 

I have found that the longer we stay in remission, the more complacent we become. For instance, I have a short RN visit at the clinic due sometime next week to have my port flushed. The hospital clinic is a good hour drive on the side streets or 30 minutes on the expressway, depending on the traffic. To me, I'm already dreading having to get up and drive the distance for what will probably be a ten to fifteen minute process. It will take me longer to park, get out and walk.  Let's not forget the parking ticket. I'm already coming up with multiple reasons as to not going. You see what I mean?

This type of laziness can only result in bad tidings. Here I am constantly preaching the importance of preventive care and I don't want to follow this simple rule of good health maintenance. I cannot stress how key early detection can be in a cancer diagnosis or recurrence. I know all this and yet, I cannot help, but be lazy about it.

So why do I think that happens to us? My personal opinion is that we are tired of seeing doctors, having tests done, being probed and poked at. We just want to live a normal life like everyone else. Sigh, I guess I will have to go and make that journey. Then I will write about it, how's that?

Have a blessed day everyone.

The 100 Day Project: Day 31 Of Writing

                                                     Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey



Oh, give Thy servant patience to be still,
And bear Thy will;
Courage to venture wholly on the arm
That will not harm;
The wisdom that will never let me stray
Out of my way;
The love, that, now afflicting, knoweth best
When I should rest.
J. M. NEALE

I've been feeling pretty fatigued these past couple of days. My strength isn't what it used to be. If I don't get my rest, for the next several days my body is feeling that fatigue. You have heard me often speaking on the last recurrence and it's long lasting effects on me. This is one of them.

I only have myself to blame. I keep thinking that I can still do plenty of things physically. Obviously, that isn't the case. I'm feeling very tired, so it has been slow moving to say the least.

Days like these really bring home the future or at least how it could be in regards to my health. There may have to be decisions made where i may have to discard certain things in my life. What that would look like I have no idea and yet, it is something on my mind.

I could partially retire, but insurance is something I really need. That's the main reason while I am still working. I cannot get past insurance. We are living in different times where healthcare will not be administered without. I hear way too many stories of people with chronic illnesses being turned away from hospitals, because they do not have insurance. It is truly sad that our healthcare system is what it is. 

There are so many people who abuse our system. This type of behavior casts a dark shadow on the ones who truly are in need. Why do people abuse things so much? Why are we so greedy and lazy that we cannot work? I am not blasting people who are in need, I am simply blasting people who are abusing the system. I think they know who they are and they become outraged at being called out. 

I am done preaching. I am off to work, because it doesn't matter how I feel, I need to make a living. I need to pay my bills and have insurance.That's just a fact. 

Have a blessed day everyone. 

The 100 Day Project: Day 30 Of Writing

                                                     Everyday is a brand new day,  everyday is a journey.



Take my hands, and let them move
At the impulse of Thy love.
Take my feet, and let them be
Swift and "beautiful" for Thee.
Take my intellect, and use
Every power as Thou shall choose.
F. R. HAVERGAL.

Cancer has truly given me a new life, a whole new perspective on where I should go and whom I should become. This journey, this experience has been the best thing that has ever happened to me. That may sound crazy to you, but it's true. I was a very different person before this journey, not exactly a nice one. This experience has changed me for the better.

I was given a new life and I am grateful to the Almighty for it. The entire time I was going through the cancer (the first time) I felt there was something here that God wanted me to see. My one fear was that I wouldn't be able to see it, but miss it instead. I don't even remember my old life anymore. I feel as if I've been living the life God intended for me all along. 

Have you ever felt like that? Have you ever felt that this is what you were meant for? Born for? I do and I love every single moment. I often get a lot of flack for being blunt or even recently, I've been accused of offending some people. It's almost whatever I say is meant for that person. Maybe it is something that the person needs to hear, but not from me, but the Holy Spirit. I just want to be honest about cancer. I definitely don't want to sugar coat anything. 

I love my life now. God has blessed me beyond any expectations I may have had for myself. Have I been cured of cancer? No. Will it come back? Most likely. Then how in the world has God blessed you? He has given me a purpose, a reason to get up every single day and hope fully help someone in some small way. It could be via this blog or YouTube or The Group or perhaps, with a small crocheted item. Either way, He has given me life and renewed me in such a way that I can love myself for the first time in my life. I love Him, I love life and the people in my life. This is my journey with Him.

Have a blessed day everyone. 

The 100 Day Projects: Day 29 Of Writing

                                                     Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.


Be it according to Thy word;
    Redeem me from all sin;
  My heart would now receive Thee, Lord,
    Come in, my Lord, come in!
C. WESLEY.

Death and funerals make liars out of people. Something happens to us when our loved ones pass away. Not only are we grieving and broken-hearted, but somehow, old rivalries come to the surface. Who was the good sister, brother, daughter etc. that sort of thing and who wasn't. Also, a bit of greed.

Greed? Yes, greed. There is always someone who feels that someone else isn't deserving of an inheritance whether it may be money or a small token. That person didn't visit enough or love enough or be there enough to warrant an inheritance. I certainly hope that my two won't behave in this way when my time comes. 

Death is something that no one wants to talk about hoping it gets swept away under the carpet. Yet, it is so very important. Every single time I speak about it or write about it, I get some flack from people. I'm being morbid. I'm allowing cancer to reside in my body. I'm saying that "C" word again. I need to be positive. And on and on they go.

Even if I didn't have a disease, I still would let my children know about my wants if I pass. There is so much to do when one is gone, why not make it a little easier for your loved one? They will have enough on their mind without having to make a decision on every tiny doldrum detail. Make your wishes known. That's all I am saying. Sit down and have that conversation with the people whom you claim to love. 

Have a blessed day everyone.

The 100 Day Project: Day 29 Of Writing

                                                                  Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

There are some hearts like wells green-mossed and deep
As ever summer saw,
And cool their water is, yea, cool and sweet;
But you must come to draw.
They hoard not, yet they rest in calm content,
And not unsought will give;
They can be quiet with their wealth unspent,
So self-contained they live.

—Author unknown.

Over the years, people often ask me about how I found out I had cancer or how I felt about it, but they never ever asked about the family. We often forget the family and close friends of the cancer patient. They, too, are going through this horrible ordeal and often find themselves becoming the leaders in their households, caregivers and cheerleaders. Many times, they place their own emotions and concerns to the side in order to be the protector of the patient. 

I can remember my own children during that first time . . . the diagnosis of their mother having cancer. Joey was living in Missouri at his very first job in radio. He shared his thoughts, feelings and continually updated his listeners on my health. He dealt with it in this manner. Emily, on the other hand, was sort of kept in the dark. Certain people felt she was too young and they were trying to spare her. She was graduating high school and beginning her first year in culinary school. 

That is the one thing I regret . . .. my children and their role in it. I wish I was more aware of their feelings in regard to the cancer. I was basking in the love of my family and I trusted in their opinion on the matter. I should have involved my children more in the beginning, but I  really didn't. That's my regret.

Nowadays, things are a bit different. Nowadays, they are the ones that know everything about my treatment. They know things that no one else does, because in the end, it will be them that will take care of me. It will be them two that will bury me. It will be them two making difficult decisions about me. 

Of course, we all have that one family member that we are afraid of telling, because we are not sure how they will take it. They are way too emotional to handle trials. You know what happens, I will have to comfort them, instead of them comforting me. Deciding the best way to tell the other family members has always held much concern for me. There is no perfect 3 step method on doing so. It's not pleasant. It's not easy, but it has to be done. The way on how it is approaches depends on the individuals involved and what place they are at in their life. That's the best I can offer. 

Have a blessed day everyone. 

The 100 Day Project: Day 28 Of Writing

                                              Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.


Hold in thy murmurs, heaven arraigning!
The patient see God's loving face;
Who bear their burdens uncomplaining,
'Tis they that win the Father's grace.
ANON.

I think that I have finally found the perfect sleeping time for me. I have been sleeping so well these past few weeks. It seems that as long as I go to bed around my magical time frame, I will get my rest. That time is 3 a.m.! I know, I know. Most likely you guys are like what? Well, hold on a minute.

First, remember that I come home around 11 p.m. if I am working my regular shift. If I stay and work the ten hour shift, I am not home until 1 a.m. Normally, I give Emily a ride to work around 2:30 a.m. and finally am able to go to bed by 3 in the morning. The great thing here is that I sleep for an uninterrupted 6 hours! Beautiful. 

You see, my legs begin to swell in the early hours of the night. That's when I toss and turn, when I keep getting up to go to the bathroom. By the time 3 or 4 a.m. comes, I'm good to go. I think the barometric pressure is lower at that time. My GP claims that our legs/joints swell due to how high the air pressure becomes. The higher it goes, the more they swell. That's why it doesn't matter if it's cold or hot outside. It's about the pressure.

I cannot tell you how much better I feel with a good night's sleep. Sleep in general is huge to our health and well-being. I've recently did some research for my Chronic Illness Group on sleep itself. There are side effects to everything, including sleep. Lack of sleep can affect your depression, head injury, schizophrenia, alzheimer's disease. According to some research studies, sleep deprivation can include all kinds of risks. There's heart disease, strokes, even cancer.

I often think about all the years I have abused my body when younger. We all have abused our bodies. If I only knew, right?
At least, I am learning now and putting it all into action. We can improve our health and life as we go. 

Have a blessed day everyone. 

The 100 Day Project: Day 27 Of Writing

                                                                Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.


When you get into a tight place, 
and everything goes against you 
till it seems as if you couldn't hold
 on a minute longer, 
never give up then, 
for that's just the time and
 place that the tide will turn. 
--Harriet Beecher Stowe.

The hardest thing in the world is to remain calm when inside we are raging. We want to lash out, speak out and definitely act out. Yet, we can't. We have to remember who we are in Christ and leave things up to Him. That's very difficult to do, especially when our loved ones get hurt. Our first instinct always is to protect the people in our life. 

I have learned to truly pick the battles I may want to fight. We cannot fight all of them, therefore be selective in what is really important to you or what you are passionate about in your heart. When I was young, I fought it all. There was a lot of fire within me and I was ready to fight especially for the underdog. Needless to say, my mouth has gotten me into loads of trouble. You see, you can't win every battle. Sometimes, you will be the one who loses.

This is particularly difficult for me at work. Why are there so many bullies? I also wonder why people allow others to walk all over them. They never stand up for themselves and it can be very tiring to be their avenger. Unfairness is all around us and it's difficult to watch, especially when we feel so powerless. Not everything in life is cut and dry. I have learned when it comes to work, as long as people come to work everyday, many things are overlooked. 

The same can be said of the world that we shop in or drive in. Everyone seems so easily upset or offended. It truly has become the era of feelings. It's not whether we meant to hurt someone's feelings, it's how they interpreted the actions. That seems to be the rule of the day, of the decade. I cannot tell you how many times I've been in a situation where someone has been offended at the easiest thing. At times, I'm totally baffled at what I seemed to have done. Yet, they are totally distraught.

I have to control my emotions, why can't they do the same? We have become a society that is so into themselves. When I went through the Book Of Revelations, it was hard to think that people would cheer on public displays of abuse. Yet, in this world that we daily read about or see that sort of thing happening. So yes, it definitely could and would! 

That is why we have to be very careful we don't fall into that anger trap where we lose total control of who we are. Anger  does that very well. We have to remember to chew the meat and spit out the bones when it comes to the everyday life. If not, we could easily become part of the world. The scene. The everyday norm of what is going on around us. 

Have a blessed day everyone.