The 100 Day Project: Day 29 Of Writing

                                                                  Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

There are some hearts like wells green-mossed and deep
As ever summer saw,
And cool their water is, yea, cool and sweet;
But you must come to draw.
They hoard not, yet they rest in calm content,
And not unsought will give;
They can be quiet with their wealth unspent,
So self-contained they live.

—Author unknown.

Over the years, people often ask me about how I found out I had cancer or how I felt about it, but they never ever asked about the family. We often forget the family and close friends of the cancer patient. They, too, are going through this horrible ordeal and often find themselves becoming the leaders in their households, caregivers and cheerleaders. Many times, they place their own emotions and concerns to the side in order to be the protector of the patient. 

I can remember my own children during that first time . . . the diagnosis of their mother having cancer. Joey was living in Missouri at his very first job in radio. He shared his thoughts, feelings and continually updated his listeners on my health. He dealt with it in this manner. Emily, on the other hand, was sort of kept in the dark. Certain people felt she was too young and they were trying to spare her. She was graduating high school and beginning her first year in culinary school. 

That is the one thing I regret . . .. my children and their role in it. I wish I was more aware of their feelings in regard to the cancer. I was basking in the love of my family and I trusted in their opinion on the matter. I should have involved my children more in the beginning, but I  really didn't. That's my regret.

Nowadays, things are a bit different. Nowadays, they are the ones that know everything about my treatment. They know things that no one else does, because in the end, it will be them that will take care of me. It will be them two that will bury me. It will be them two making difficult decisions about me. 

Of course, we all have that one family member that we are afraid of telling, because we are not sure how they will take it. They are way too emotional to handle trials. You know what happens, I will have to comfort them, instead of them comforting me. Deciding the best way to tell the other family members has always held much concern for me. There is no perfect 3 step method on doing so. It's not pleasant. It's not easy, but it has to be done. The way on how it is approaches depends on the individuals involved and what place they are at in their life. That's the best I can offer. 

Have a blessed day everyone. 

The 100 Day Project: Day 28 Of Writing

                                              Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.


Hold in thy murmurs, heaven arraigning!
The patient see God's loving face;
Who bear their burdens uncomplaining,
'Tis they that win the Father's grace.
ANON.

I think that I have finally found the perfect sleeping time for me. I have been sleeping so well these past few weeks. It seems that as long as I go to bed around my magical time frame, I will get my rest. That time is 3 a.m.! I know, I know. Most likely you guys are like what? Well, hold on a minute.

First, remember that I come home around 11 p.m. if I am working my regular shift. If I stay and work the ten hour shift, I am not home until 1 a.m. Normally, I give Emily a ride to work around 2:30 a.m. and finally am able to go to bed by 3 in the morning. The great thing here is that I sleep for an uninterrupted 6 hours! Beautiful. 

You see, my legs begin to swell in the early hours of the night. That's when I toss and turn, when I keep getting up to go to the bathroom. By the time 3 or 4 a.m. comes, I'm good to go. I think the barometric pressure is lower at that time. My GP claims that our legs/joints swell due to how high the air pressure becomes. The higher it goes, the more they swell. That's why it doesn't matter if it's cold or hot outside. It's about the pressure.

I cannot tell you how much better I feel with a good night's sleep. Sleep in general is huge to our health and well-being. I've recently did some research for my Chronic Illness Group on sleep itself. There are side effects to everything, including sleep. Lack of sleep can affect your depression, head injury, schizophrenia, alzheimer's disease. According to some research studies, sleep deprivation can include all kinds of risks. There's heart disease, strokes, even cancer.

I often think about all the years I have abused my body when younger. We all have abused our bodies. If I only knew, right?
At least, I am learning now and putting it all into action. We can improve our health and life as we go. 

Have a blessed day everyone. 

The 100 Day Project: Day 27 Of Writing

                                                                Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.


When you get into a tight place, 
and everything goes against you 
till it seems as if you couldn't hold
 on a minute longer, 
never give up then, 
for that's just the time and
 place that the tide will turn. 
--Harriet Beecher Stowe.

The hardest thing in the world is to remain calm when inside we are raging. We want to lash out, speak out and definitely act out. Yet, we can't. We have to remember who we are in Christ and leave things up to Him. That's very difficult to do, especially when our loved ones get hurt. Our first instinct always is to protect the people in our life. 

I have learned to truly pick the battles I may want to fight. We cannot fight all of them, therefore be selective in what is really important to you or what you are passionate about in your heart. When I was young, I fought it all. There was a lot of fire within me and I was ready to fight especially for the underdog. Needless to say, my mouth has gotten me into loads of trouble. You see, you can't win every battle. Sometimes, you will be the one who loses.

This is particularly difficult for me at work. Why are there so many bullies? I also wonder why people allow others to walk all over them. They never stand up for themselves and it can be very tiring to be their avenger. Unfairness is all around us and it's difficult to watch, especially when we feel so powerless. Not everything in life is cut and dry. I have learned when it comes to work, as long as people come to work everyday, many things are overlooked. 

The same can be said of the world that we shop in or drive in. Everyone seems so easily upset or offended. It truly has become the era of feelings. It's not whether we meant to hurt someone's feelings, it's how they interpreted the actions. That seems to be the rule of the day, of the decade. I cannot tell you how many times I've been in a situation where someone has been offended at the easiest thing. At times, I'm totally baffled at what I seemed to have done. Yet, they are totally distraught.

I have to control my emotions, why can't they do the same? We have become a society that is so into themselves. When I went through the Book Of Revelations, it was hard to think that people would cheer on public displays of abuse. Yet, in this world that we daily read about or see that sort of thing happening. So yes, it definitely could and would! 

That is why we have to be very careful we don't fall into that anger trap where we lose total control of who we are. Anger  does that very well. We have to remember to chew the meat and spit out the bones when it comes to the everyday life. If not, we could easily become part of the world. The scene. The everyday norm of what is going on around us. 

Have a blessed day everyone. 

The 100 Day Project: Day 26 Of Writing

                                                                 Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

Write it on your heart that 
every day is the best day in the year. 
No man has learned anything rightly
 until he knows that every day is doomsday.
—Ralph Waldo Emerson.

Over the years, I have made several things for my family and friends. I have to say, that almost all the things I have made have been appreciated. I only had one incident where my gift has been re-gifted to someone else. I didn't find this out until years later and by accident. You know, it is true what they say, that all things come to light eventually. No lie can be hidden. 

I have heard from many of my fellow crafters that this happens quite often. We spend so much time and carefully try to accomplish this beautiful item for a Christmas gift or a baby shower only to discover that it is sitting in a closet never being used at all. There are many crafters out there who have a wonderful talent whether it is sewing, knitting, DIY projects or even writing. Not all people want homemade things.

These same fellow crafters of mine have chosen a saying to fit this dilemma we all face. We like to ask ourselves before making anything, are they crochet worthy?  

We are often asked to make a blanket or other item for someone, but we are very cautious due to the fact that many of us have been burned. People would ask for a specific item and we would make it. When the time came for payment, some of us would get stiffed. This only happened to me once, even though I only ask for cost of yarn. I do not charge for my labor. 

Nowadays, I have established quite a technique to wean out the not so serious ones. Whenever someone asks for an item to be made, I tell them to buy the yarn themselves and I will make it. Usually, when the person is serious, they do so gladly. When the opposite, I never hear from them again. This sort of eliminates the problem. 

I often wonder if people like what I make them. Is it the gift or the thought behind it that makes a gift special? Or the fact that someone took the time to prepare it for you? Not really sure. I do know that one of my favorites are the small gifts that are so meaningful and some not even pricey. To me, the fact that someone took the time to shop, to create and send it is enough. They must really love me to do so. Are you crochet worthy? I think so.

Have a blessed day everyone. 

The 100 Day Project: Day 25 Of Writing

                                                    Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.


O power to do; O baffled will!
O prayer and action! ye are one.
Who may not strive, may yet fulfil
The harder task of standing still,
And good but wished with God is done.
J. G. WHITTIER.

No one wants to face cancer again after the first time. We are hoping that it never comes back, because once was enough. Yet in this day and age, we all either have someone who has cancer in our life or we are the ones with cancer. This monster has no preferences, it attacks everyone. 

It seems that cancer has become the most feared disease and I know many people who are afraid to even mention the "C" word. I am also attacked by some who believe just mentioning it brings it on. They claim that is why my cancer returns, because I am always talking about it. That is so like my childhood that it angers me. I have spent a lifetime of being told not to let anyone know what is going on in my life. If we were going through anything as a struggle, heaven forbid if we told the outside world. Everything was and is a secret. 

Well, I'm telling you right now I will never stop speaking about cancer. How in the world are we to help one another if everything is a secret? That's not God's way. 

Cancer is ugly, that is certain, but so is loneliness and we need each other when we face these struggles. I don't have the perfect answer or guideline to facing cancer over and over again. I wish I could give you a five step of do's and don'ts, but I can't. Every situation is different. We are at different places in life and each recurrence affects us differently. It does not matter how many times we go through cancer, each time brings forth something new from within us. Where I am at is not where you are and so forth. 

Although, I do believe that we need to prepare ourselves in certain ways, especially emotionally and financially. Healthcare isn't what it used to be and we need to save up money for that rainy health day. Emotionally, I suggest you process whatever feeling you are experiencing. Do not sweep it under the rug, telling yourself not to think about it. I rather think about it now in small increments than have it all thrown at me at once. Trust me, you will not be able to avoid these emotions. You will have to face them at some point. 

Life is meant to be lived. That's what I keep telling myself and to others. We need to live out our lives as purposefully as possible. Make it count, quality of life is everything. 

Have a blessed day everyone. 

The 100 Day Project: Day 24 Of Writing

                                                                Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.


Keep me I pray in wisdom's way
that I may truths eternal see
I need protecting care today
my purse is light
my flesh is weak
Eugene Field


I've spent the weekend catching up on some much needed crocheting to fill up the volunteer boxes. That wasn't the only thing I was catching up on. Netflix kept me company while my fingers worked. There is a Finnish detective story I finally caught up with and began a Belgium one. The only problem with them is that there were subtitles. 

I have noticed that there is a commonality between all of these detective stories and it isn't murder. All of them are based in a small town and the leading detective has come home, being rather tired of life in the big city. 

Isn't that funny? When we are young, we cannot wait to get out of the small town and into the big city. We imagine life there to be all we are missing in our hometown. As we age, life beats us up and we cannot wait to get back to that same little town we left. We are done with city living. 

Isn't that true to our own lives? We are no different than those detective stories. We cannot wait to live our life, thinking and acting as if we have all the answers. We don't want anyone telling us what to do. 

Home has always represented a sanctuary to me where I can be all that I want to be without any fear of repercussion. A place where I am accepted for who I am and want to be. No one and nothing can enter to dispense that peace without my approval. No matter how badly my week may turn out, I rush home and bask in it's security. It's no brainier for me to see why people wish to return to where they grew up. Home is where the heart dwells. 

Have a blessed day everyone.

The 100 Day Project: Day 23 Of Writing

                                               Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey. 



Yea! In Thy life our little lives are ended,
Into Thy depths our trembling spirits fall;
In Thee enfolded, gathered, comprehended,
As holds the sea her waves--Thou hold'st us all.
E. SCUDDER


So how is the 100 Day Project going? Well, I am posting every single day, but I feel rushed. Writing isn't something that one can do in a single sitting in a few minutes. At least, not for me. I have a drafts folder where I keep a total of 100 or more unfinished stories. Sometimes, I can finish a post in one morning and there are some that I only add to them a sentence or paragraph at a time. It all depends on how much time I have or if the muse is cooperating. 

I have seen an interview once on PBS with a Mystery writer. He was asked about his technique when it came to writing. His reply made me feel better about my own writing habit or lack of. He sits in front of the keyboard at the same time every single day. He has this routine and he keeps it religiously. It doesn't matter if he writes anything or not. Sometimes, he has a great day and others just ideas come flowing through. The point here was to keep the routine as if he was going to work daily. 

The content of my writing isn't what I normally post. I feel as if I have been lacking writing skills. Or at least ideas. I am not sure what has happened in the past several months, but I have lost the amount of readers I was maintaining up to January. One has to post on a daily basis to maintain that steady flow of readers visiting everyday. I ended up slowly missing days for whatever reasons. I didn't have enough time and even lacked a story. I became busier and the blog suffered by my not writing daily. To be honest, not too long ago, days turned into a full week between a story. 

I wish I could devote a specific time to just writing, but that isn't possible with the schedule I am keeping nowadays. Schedules change all the time in our life and we go with the flow as it happens. Maybe a shift will happen where time will be available and once again, the schedule will change. One never can tell. For now, I'm still searching for my muse. Have you seen her?

Have ablessed day everyone.