The Side Effects

                                          Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.



One holy Church, one army strong,
    One steadfast high intent,
  One working band, one harvest-song,
    One King omnipotent.
S. JOHNSON.

I've been sort of out of action for a few days since my first chemo was administered. I truly have not been feeling well, especially since the side effects have begun so much earlier this time. As I've stated before, the side effects hit me right away while I was still in the parking lot of the hospital. That has never happened before. 

Usually, by the time I arrive home, I start feeling fatigue and everyday after that, a new symptom emerges. Not this time. First, it was the metal mouth taste where nothing tastes good. I wonder if my having upper dentures has anything to do with it. I am constantly washing out my mouth.

Secondly, the nausea hit me straight on. I normally don't use the pills, because they never really worked well for me. This time, I popped those suckers every four hours.  Drinking water, eating broth, saltines and toast has helped somewhat with the nausea.

Thirdly, all this popping pills every four hours has made me extremely constipated. At least, I'm believing the medication has something to do with it. Although, constipation has been a side effect I deal with during treatment, but it has never been this bad. It seems that since I've had my surgery, I've been on a daily dosage of Miralax!

Fourthly, the fatigue. When it comes on, I almost feel lite-headed. I am tired and do not have the energy level, which is normal. I am so hard on myself, because I still expect to work the same, do the same and be the same as if nothing has happened. I have to constantly remind myself that I am still very much in recovery.  

Fifthly, I swear my stomach is still swollen or at least seems so large! My wound, when I touch it, almost feels numb. When I sit up or drive a longer distance, my belly becomes sore. 

Even now, as I write this post, I'm becoming tired and metal mouth taste is back in my mouth! I'm all ready for bed and it's only suppertime. The things I've planned to do while in recovery, I haven't even touched. This recovery is a lot slower than I first thought. 

Have a blessed day everyone.  

Throwback Thursday

                                    Everyday is a brand new day, 

                                     everyday is a journey.

  Here we are at yet another Throwback Thursday where we take a peek back to the year 2013 and provide an update on where we are now. 

Today, someone asked Emily about my recovery and how I'm doing emotionally. They even offered advice. Emily cracked me up with her response. She basically repeated the post below. Maybe not word for word, but they got the gist of it. You know, just when we think that our kids aren't listening, they surprise us. 

When I think of my beginning, I'm inspired to move forward. I don't ever want to forget that place. I may not want to re-live it, but I certainly want to respect and honor that time. There was a lot of learning from that experience that made us, not just me, but my children as well, who we are now. 

Each and every single bout I've had with cancer has taught me something about who I am in Christ. I've been looking in the mirror and seeing things that I'm not happy about seeing. The work inside of us is never completed, it is ongoing.

 

The Middle Of The Story

What inspires you? Is it the good deeds of others that are witnessed daily? How about  a book or famous movie? To some,  influential people throughout history spark an inspiration. To each of us, inspiration comes in different forms depending on who we are and where we are at during the stages of our lives.

One of my favorite commercials is the one for the famous soda company where each person sees someone do an act of kindness and they in return, do the same. I just love that commercial. What if we all did that? Can you imagine what would happen?

So what inspires you?

Speaking to my HR manager this morning, she remarked on my positive attitude. I wasn't born with this positive attitude regarding my cancer . . . I've earned it. It looks easy when one enters in the middle of the story. The beginning held so many layers like the skin of an onion . . . .raw and pungent . . . and fresh, bringing tears with every exposed layer.

Every time  someone mentions how well I'm handling this cancer situation, my mind wanders to the beginning . . . the past. A lot has happened for me to get here.

So what inspires me?

The past inspires me. It reminds me where I came from, what I've been through and where I'm heading. Having cancer changed my life for the better and I never want to forget that. I've always wondered when people read my blog . . . . . did they start from the beginning? Or did they just continue from wherever in the middle they happened upon?

So what inspires us? What provides us with the desire to get up and face the world? To produce beauty from ashes? We have hope and love within us to live the life Christ intended for us. The light within us that only He can provide.

So what inspires you?

Have a Blessed Week everyone.

The Chemo

                                                       Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                       everyday is a journey.

So yesterday was my first dosage of chemotherapy. Believe me, after signing in, I made a beeline towards that coffee table in the waiting room. It sure tasted good. Why wouldn't it? It was barely 8:30 in the morning and I've already been up for hours. 

Was it a difficult experience? No. Chemo is an old friend. I'm so familiar with it that it almost feels comforting. Does that sound crazy? I know what to do with the symptoms and what to expect from it. I know how long they will last and when they will begin. No, chemo is not torture to me. 

I made jokes with the lab people. I was able to catch up on the latest from all the chemo nurses. I've been coming there since 2011, I am almost like family. I know their names and they know me. 

Chemo is familiar. Chemo is a friend to me.

My roommate, on the other hand, felt otherwise. She was miserable, unhappy and definitely angry. For all of my jovial attempts to bring her out, she didn't take the bait at all. I think I aggravated her instead. Emily said that not everyone can be like you, mom. I felt sorry for that woman and I pray she comes to terms with her disease. 

On my way out of the parking garage, I began to feel the metal mouth symptom. Halfway home, tiredness overcame me, followed by nausea. I wanted to get home as soon as possible and go to bed. This was the first time that I ever felt the symptoms so early. Usually, it's only the fatigue and that doesn't happen until the evening. I'm thinking it could be because I didn't bring any snacks with me so I was pretty hungry by the time I left. By the time I did get home it was after 1p.m. sand it was time for lunch. 

So, all in all, I'm recovering at home. Taking easy and sleeping whenever possible. Resting and reading.

Have a Blessed day everyone.  

A Cup Of Coffee

                                          Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.

Do not act as if you had ten thousand years to throw away. Death stands at your elbow. Be good for something while you live and it is in your power.
--Marcus Aurelius.

I ran out of coffee! There was no time to go out to the store for more. I purposely set aside this morning for phone calls to my Oncologist, nurse at work and the famous Fmla. Little did I know that the morning calls would extend well into the afternoon. 

The headache appeared around noon. No coffee and the numerous hassles from my favorite people (fmla) brought on a massive ache that would not go away. The phone calls did not stop as we went back and forth in a never ending stream of questions and paperwork. I really need to write a post on my favorite people (fmla), but it will have to wait for now.

I tried laying down with a cold compress. It almost worked as I felt myself drifting off to sleep for an afternoon nap. Then the phone rang again. And then another. Then another.

The no time for coffee morning turned into an awful, awful day. My head pounded terribly and all I wanted was to lay down to sleep. Couldn't wait for supper to be over as the couch called out my name. 

Tomorrow morning will be another no time for coffee day as I have to leave pretty early for my first chemo infusion. Wait! They do have coffee in the waiting room! I think I might be saved!

Have a Blessed day everyone.

 

The Radiation Consult

                                                       Everyday is a brand new day,
                                                       everyday is a journey.

I can hear these violets chorus
    To the sky's benediction above;
  And we all are together lying
    On the bosom of Infinite Love.

  Oh, the peace at the heart of Nature!
    Oh, the light that is not of day!
  Why seek it afar forever,
    When it cannot be lifted away?
W. C. GANNETT.


I wasn't looking forward to the radiation consult as I had no idea what to expect. This was certainly a new experience for me. My idea of radiation has always been from someone else point of view. Or at least, my observation of their treatment. Since it appeared to be a quick scan, even though a daily one, I just assumed it didn't have too many side effects. 

You know about that word assume, right? That's exactly what happened here. As I sat there listening to them describe the procedure and the side effects, I thought to myself how naive could I possibly be? Here I've always considered myself a professional in regards to cancer since I've gone through it so many times. Yet, I still don't really know all there is to know. 

So what are the side effects? Well, since the scan will be a direct one on the spot where my tumor was and not a larger area, it shouldn't be as bad. It will affect my bowels and my urinary tract. Of course, there is severe fatigue that seems to be associated with all treatments of the cancer. This worries me the most. I was planning on being back at work at this time. The idea of having to take a nap concerns me greatly since my treatment will be in the morning and I will be going to work directly after. It will be a long day for me. 

So the plan is for me to do my chemo infusions first (3 of them), have another Ct. scan and then followed by five weeks of radiation (totaling 25).  That's the plan. What will happen in between, one can only wait and see. There are so many concerns here and not just regards to treatment. There are the long term side effects and Fmla issues, which is another story altogether. 

For now, we're going with the first chemo this Tuesday. It all begins here. 

Have a Blessed day everyone. 

Things Not To Say

                                          Everyday is a brand new day, everyday is a journey.


There's many a time when the bitterest thingIs said without reason, and God knowsThe courage it takes to suffer the sting,By hiding the wounds that the heart shows.

There's many a sob we bravely keep downFor the sake of old times revered so,There's many a head with thorns for a crownWhere kisses would soon make the heart glow.

--Edwin Leibfreed.

Once again someone shared their insight as to why my cancer keeps coming back or why I have it in the first place. I'm glad that somebody knows why I have cancer, because it seems that no Oncologist I know does. Scientists for decades, maybe centuries, have been perplexed over this disease. 

I have heard various accounts, but yesterday's really miffed me. So I thought I would compose a list of things not to say to anyone with a chronic illness, especially cancer.  So here we go!

1. Do not say the cancer is back, because of all the sugar a person eats.
In other words, I'm fat and if I lost some weight maybe this cancer would stop growing back. That's the most ridiculous and hurtful thing I've ever heard. There is nothing wrong with my sugar count as I do my Bio-metric screening yearly. Besides, there are plenty of thin people who have cancer.

2. The mother looks better than the daughter.
Do not make disparaging remarks about the appearance of someone who is in treatment. We lose our hair, eyebrows, eyelashes and heck, all the hair on our bodies. Our skin becomes reddened, darkened, blotchy and even bloated. We gain weight and look haggard. Heavens, we are injecting our bodies with radiation and chemotherapy! Trust me when I say that it will affect more than just our cancer. Be careful when you see someone who may look sickly or pale. You have no idea what they are going through.  

3. If you had more faith and asked God to heal you, He would.
I don't know even where to begin with this one. I hear this on a continual basis. For some reason, people seem to think I haven't asked for healing or perhaps, I might have too much sin in my life. That's why God hasn't taken this cancer from me. Some even think I shouldn't be saying the "C" word. If I'm fine and at peace with my situation, why aren't you?

I'm sorry. I know I sound angry, but I'm more disappointed than anything. I guess it just proves what I always say, people do not understand cancer. 

Have a Blessed day everyone.

Throwback Thursday

 

                                               Everyday is a brand new 

                                               day, everyday is a journey.

  Here we are at yet another Throwback Thursday in the year 2013 where we look back and provide an update on where we are now. 

Today's post makes me laugh every single time I re-post it. I do so because I consider it hilarious. This post has taken me in quite a bit of trouble the first time I published it for everyone to read. I can almost guarantee that there will be someone asking me to make this for them. 

Oh yes, the trouble. Sorry, I strayed for a minute. The first time when I posted the following, someone complained to the various social media outlets where I shared my blog that the contents of this story where dirty. I think the problem was a language problem and the translation of the title in this person's language. I did get to see the original complaint that was sent which was typed in very broken English. Just imagine the title of The Underwear Hangers being translated into Russian or Assyrian. No wonder they thought the contents were dirty. 

Still makes me laugh just thinking about it.

 

The Underwear Hangers

Here's some light reading:

Over the past six years, I have made numerous crocheted items for friends, family and organizations. There were baby blankets to a crisis center as well as for  a friend's baby shower. From blankets, baby hats, booties and slippers to stuffed animal clothes. 

BUT . . . . . . I have never been asked to make, what Emily calls, an underwear hanger. Yes, you read it right. An underwear hanger. Who? What? Why?

My mom gets her hair done every week at the same hairdressers for like decades. They have a pair of sisters, senior citizen ladies, that like to hang their "privates" such as underwear and bras on a hanger out on their balcony. They were in search of someone who would crochet or knit a new set of these hangers for them. Of course, they immediately thought of my mom or myself.

Mom, who has knitted beautifully in her youth, has absolutely no patience left in her body any longer. She happily thrust that duty to me. Handing over to me a bag containing an old sample of what they used to hang their privates: Could I please do something with this?

I pulled out the tattered hanger, a box of clothespins, and a skein of yarn. What am I to make with this? I took it home, making no promises. After a week, this is what I came up with.

I showed them, all five of them, to my girlfriend and now she wants a set for herself. I thought she was joking.
BUT then . . . the more I look at it, the more I liked it so much that I've decided to make a set for myself. Odd as it may seem, we shall add this to my portfolio.

Have a Blessed Day everyone.